Pot in the Summer by Connect with Kids

“During the summer, I went out more. And during the school year, I was focused on my homework and stuff, and the summer was mostly just a time for me to relax and just chill out and go party.”

– Angelique, 18

For most teens, the summer brings sun, swimming and maybe some extra time spent on the skateboard. But for others, the season marks the time when they first try pot.

“Beginning of summer, first day of summer, in fact,” says Sarah, who’s 19.

“It was during the summer because then we could stay out later and a lot of other kids were out of school, too,” 18-year-old Angelique adds.

In fact, studies show 40 percent of teens who smoke marijuana first tried the drug during the summer.

“They have a lot of free time. A lot of kids are bored during the summer. They’ve got nothing to do. So the fact that a lot of kids are starting to get into things they shouldn’t and experiment isn’t surprising at all,” says addiction counselor Dr. Robert Margolis, who serves as executive director of Solutions Counseling in Atlanta.

Experts say for that reason, parents should keep their children busy during the summer break.

“I think they ought to ask themselves do they have any plan going into the summer for their kids. What are their kids going to do? Are they going to get a job? Are they going to maybe go study someplace … are they going to have something that’s structured to do?” Dr. Margolis says.

He says that regardless of their own personal experiences when they were young, parents should explain the dangers of marijuana, especially at the beginning of the summer.

“What parents need to understand is that this is a very harmful, addictive drug that ruins people’s lives. And they better be prepared with facts to discuss this with their kids,” Dr. Margolis says.

Talks with her parents, and her doctor, finally convinced Angelique to stop smoking marijuana.

“Like they’re more dangerous than cigarettes and all that stuff. I didn’t know that,” she says.

Tips for Parents

The summer months often bring more freedom to teens. But many of them abuse this freedom, as evidenced by data released by the National Household Survey on Drug Abuse that shows 40% of teens first try marijuana during the summer. In fact, about 5,800 teens try marijuana for the first time each day in June and July.

According to the C-D-Cs annual Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance report more than 38% of teens report having use marijuana in their life. Nearly 20% admitted to smoking pot within the past 30 days. 8% of kids tried marijuana prior to turning 13 years of age.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the prevalence of drug use can, in part, be attributed to the overall perceptions and attitudes that drug use – particularly that of marijuana – is not harmful and is insignificant. Yet, those who choose to use this substance do risk developing serious health problems. The NIDA says that marijuana is responsible for the following physical effects in a user:

THC – the main chemical in marijuana – changes the way in which sensory information gets into and is acted on by particular systems in the brain. The system most affected is the limbic system, which is crucial for learning, memory and the integration of sensory experiences with emotions and motivations. Investigations have shown that THC suppresses neurons in the information-processing system of the brain.

A person who smokes marijuana regularly may have many of the same respiratory problems that tobacco smokers develop. The individual may have daily cough and phlegm, symptoms of chronic bronchitis and more frequent chest colds. Continuing to smoke marijuana can lead to abnormal functioning of lung tissue injured or destroyed by marijuana smoke.

Regardless of the THC content, the amount of tar inhaled by marijuana smokers and the level of carbon monoxide absorbed are three to five times greater than among tobacco smokers. This may be due to marijuana users inhaling more deeply and holding the smoke in the lungs.
In order for parents to help curb the growing problem of marijuana use among teens, they must first understand the dangers involved in using the drug. The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign cautions parents to be aware of the following points about marijuana use:

Marijuana is the most widely used illicit drug among youth today.

More teens enter treatment for marijuana abuse each year than for all other illicit drugs combined.

Marijuana is addictive.

Marijuana use can lead to a host of significant health, social, learning and behavioral problems at a crucial time in a young person’s development.

Adolescent marijuana users show lower academic achievement compared to non-users.

Even short-term marijuana use has been linked to memory loss and difficulty with problem-solving.

Time and again, kids say that their parents are the single most important influence when it comes to using drugs.

As a parent, how can you determine if your teen is using marijuana? According to the NIDA, you should look for the following symptoms associated with marijuana use:

Appears dizzy and has trouble walking
Seems silly and giggly for no reason
Has very red or blood shot eyes
Has trouble remembering events that have just occurred
Although these symptoms will fade within a few hours of use, other significant behavioral changes – including withdrawl, depression, fatigue, carelessness with grooming, hostility and deteriorating relationships with family members and friends – may signal that your teen is in trouble. If your teen is using drugs, he or she may also experience changes in academic performance, have increased absenteeism, lose interest in sports or other favorite activities and develop different eating or sleeping habits.

Whether or not you suspect your child is using marijuana, it is crucial that you discuss the issue at an early age. The experts at DrugHelp suggest following these steps when discussing tough issues, like drug abuse, with your child:

Create a climate in which your child feels comfortable approaching you and expressing his or her feelings.

Don't shut off communication by responding judgmentally, saying, "You're wrong" or "That's bad."

Give your child an opportunity to talk.
Show your interest by asking appropriate questions.
Listen to what your child has to say before formulating a response.
Focus on what your child has to say, not on language or grammar.
Use probing questions to encourage a shy child to talk.
Identify areas of common experience and agreement.
Leave the door open for future conversations

References
DrugHelp
National Institute on Drug Abuse
National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Prescription Drugs with Kids by Connect with Kids

“I know a couple people … the first thing they ever tried, you know, going to their parents’ medicine cabinet and just looking in there and finding what they could get high off of.”

– Marie Bokemeyer, 17

According to the Federal Drug Enforcement Administration, 7 million Americans abuse prescription drugs. And many are just teens.

“Percosets, Valium, Xanax … pretty much anything I could get my hands on,” 17-year-old Mururi Wangu says.

In fact, the abuse of prescription drugs has risen 80 percent in the past 6 years. Experts say, aside from marijuana, teens are abusing these drugs more than all other illicit drugs combined.

Experts say that one reason for such a dramatic jump in abuse numbers is the availability of prescription drugs.

“This is the age of medication,” says Dr. Steven Jaffe, an adolescent psychologist. “I think there’s tremendous amounts of all sorts of medicine out there that are readily available in the bathrooms, in the cabinets at home, as well as on the black market.”

Moreover, since the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approves prescription drugs, teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they don’t have a prescription – is safe.

“For a while, I thought prescription drugs aren’t as bad because why would the doctor prescribe them if they were dangerous,” 17-year-old Marie Bokemeyer says.

Experts say that’s why parents should start early with a strong, clear message that abusing any kind of drug is wrong. They should also get to know their teens’ friends, limit unsupervised time, keep close track of medications in their homes and don’t assume it can’t happen to their teens.

“I have a thousand parents who say, ‘I didn’t know how much my child was in to.’ And it’s not just denial – teenagers are experts at hiding it,” Dr. Jaffe says.

Adds 17-year-old Kat Peterson: “I didn’t care about the danger of it; that had no effect on me. It was just the convenience of it.”

Tips for Parents

The abuse of prescription drugs has become a major health concern. More teens than ever are turning to their medicine cabinets to get high. Experts say one reason is accessibility. The majority of teens who abuse prescription drugs say they get them for free from their friends or relatives. Another reason these drugs have become so popular is, because the drugs are approved by the FDA, many teens consider them to be safe.

Consider these statistics:

In 2005, 2.1 million teens abused prescription drugs.

Three percent, or 840,000 teens ages 12-17, reported current abuse of prescription drugs in 2005, making this illegal drug category the second most abused next to marijuana (7%).

For the first time, there are just as many new abusers (12 and older) of prescription drugs as there are for marijuana.

One-third of all new abusers of prescription drugs in 2005 were 12-17-year-olds.
Teens ages 12-17 have the second-highest annual rates of prescription drug abuse after young adults (18-25).

Nearly one in five teens (19% or 4.5 million) report abusing prescription medications that were not prescribed to them.

Teens admit to abusing prescription medicine for reasons other than getting high, including to relieve pain or anxiety, to sleep better, to experiment, to help with concentration or to increase alertness.

More than one-third of teens say they feel some pressure to abuse prescription drugs, and nine percent say using prescription drugs to get high is an important part of fitting in with their friends.

Nearly three out of 10 teens (29% or 6.8 million) believe prescription pain relievers—even if not prescribed by a doctor—are not addictive.

In 2004, more than 29 percent of teens in treatment were dependent on tranquilizers, sedatives, amphetamines and other stimulants.

As a parent, it is important to understand that teens may be involved with legal and illegal drugs in various ways. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) reports that many teens begin using drugs to satisfy their curiosity, to make themselves feel good, to reduce stress, to feel grown up or to “fit in.” While it is difficult to know which teens will experiment and stop and which will develop serious problems, the National Institute of Drug Abuse says the following types of teens are at greatest risk of becoming addicted:

Those who have a family history of substance abuse
Those who are depressed
Those who have low self-esteem
Those who feel like they don’t “fit in” or are out of the mainstream

Because the U.S. Food and Drug Administration puts its seal of approval on prescription drugs, many teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they are not prescribed to them – is safe. However, this practice can, in fact, lead to addiction and severe side effects. The Center for Drug Evaluation and Research cites the following most commonly abused prescription drugs:

Opioids: Also known as narcotic analgesics, opioids are used to treat pain. Examples of this type of drug include morphine, codeine, OxyContin (oxycodone), Vicodin (hydrocodone) and Demerol (meperidine). In the short term, these drugs block pain messages and cause drowsiness. A large, single dose can cause severe respiratory depression and death. Long-term use leads to physical dependence and, in some cases, addiction.

Central nervous system (CNS) depressants: These drugs are commonly used to treat anxiety, panic attacks and sleep disorders. Examples include Nembutal (pentobarbital sodium), Valium (diazepam) and Xanax (alprazolam). CNS depressants slow down normal brain function and can cause a sleepy, uncoordinated feeling in the beginning of treatment. Long-term use can lead to physical dependence and addiction.

Stimulants: These drugs are commonly used to treat the sleeping disorder narcolepsy and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Examples include Ritalin (methylphenidate) and Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine). Stimulants, which can be addictive, enhance brain activity and increase alertness and energy. They elevate blood pressure, heart rate and respiration. Very high doses can lead to irregular heartbeat and high body temperature

How can you determine if your teen is abusing drugs? The AACAP suggests looking for the following warning signs and symptoms in your teen:

Physical: Fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes and a lasting cough
Emotional: Personality change, sudden mood changes, irritability, irresponsible behavior, low self-esteem, poor judgment, depression and a general lack of interest

Familial: Starting arguments, breaking rules or withdrawing from the family
School-related: Decreased interest, negative attitude, drop in grades, many absences, truancy and discipline problems

Social: having new friends who are less interested in standard home and school activities, problems with the law and changes to less conventional styles in dress and music

If you believe your teen has a problem with drug abuse, you can take several steps to get the help he or she needs. The American Academy of Family Physicians suggests contacting your health-care provider so that he or she can perform an adequate medical evaluation in order to match the right treatment or intervention program with your teen. You can also contact a support group in your community dedicated to helping families coping with addiction.

Substance abuse can be an overwhelming issue with which to deal, but it doesn’t have to be. The Partnership for a Drug-Free America offers the following strategies to put into practice so that your teen can reap the rewards of a healthy, drug-free life:

Be your teen’s greatest fan. Compliment him or her on all of his or her efforts, strength of character and individuality.

Encourage your teen to get involved in adult-supervised after-school activities. Ask him or her what types of activities he or she is interested in and contact the school principal or guidance counselor to find out what activities are available. Sometimes it takes a bit of experimenting to find out which activities your teen is best suited for, but it’s worth the effort – feeling competent makes children much less likely to use drugs.

Help your teen develop tools he can use to get out of drug-related situations. Let him or her know he or she can use you as an excuse: “My mom would kill me if I smoked marijuana!”
Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents. Set appointments for yourself to call them and check-in to make sure they share your views on alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Steer your teen away from any friends who use drugs.

Call teens’ parents if their home is to be used for a party. Make sure that the party will be drug-free and supervised by adults.

Set curfews and enforce them. Let your teen know the consequences of breaking curfew.
Set a no-use rule for alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.

Sit down for dinner with your teen at least once a week. Use the time to talk – don’t eat in front of the television.

Get – and stay – involved in your teen’s life.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
American Academy of Family Physicians
Center for Drug Evaluation and Research
Drug Abuse Warning Network
National Institute on Drug Abuse
Partnership for a Drug-Free America
Substance Abuse & Mental Human Services Administration
U.S. Food and Drug Administration

(Sue Scheff) A Cry for Help - Teens Self Cutting

By Connect with Kids

“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm. I don’t know why I did it.”

– Melissa, 19

At thirteen, Melissa Gerjoi tried to kill herself.

“I just wanted to do something, something that would just totally stop everything,” Melissa, now 19, recounts.

She later realized she didn’t want to die; she wanted to get rid of the pain.

“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm,” she says. “And I don’t know why I did it, and I don’t know why it was any consolation whatsoever.”

It was after her father died in a car crash that Melissa started cutting herself. It was her way of coping.

“Sometimes kids are engaging in this behavior as a way of converting their intense emotional pain into the more tolerable physical pain,” explains Dr. Leslie Apfelbaum, a child psychologist.

According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control, in the year 2005, nearly half a million people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted wounds. More of them were teenagers than any other age group. Experts say most aren’t trying to die, they’re crying out for help.

“We actually call it suicidal gestures,” says Dr. Apfelbaum. “…a way of asking for help without actually doing something too harmful.”

A change in behavior, as well as long sleeves and baggy clothes to hide scars, are clues your child may be hurting themselves. Professional therapy can help unlock the emotional pain.

Family support and time away at boarding school helped Melissa pull her life back together and stop the vicious cycle of self-inflicted pain.

“I sort of stopped my life and went on and started a new one,” she says. “I mean, I totally turned around and changed into a different person.”

Tips for Parents

Self-Injury May Be Path to Suicide

What exactly constitutes self-injury? According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), self-injury is the act of deliberately destroying body tissue – at times to change a way of feeling. Lately it has become a popular among adolescents, and its forms may include the following:

Carving
Scratching
Branding
Marking
Picking and pulling skin and hair
Burning
Cutting
Biting
Head banging
Bruising
Hitting
Excessive tattooing
Excessive body piercing

The AACAP says that teens engage in self-mutilation in order to take risks, to rebel, to reject their parents’ values, to state their individuality or merely to be accepted by their peers. Others, however, may injure themselves out of desperation or anger to seek attention, to show their hopelessness and worthlessness or because they have suicidal thoughts. Some young children may resort to self-injurious acts from time to time but often grow out of it. Children with mental retardation and/or autism may also show these behaviors, which may persist into adulthood. And children who have been abused or abandoned may self-mutilate.

The Self-Harm Alliance cites the following factors that may contribute to a teen’s reasons for self-harming:

Loss of a loved one
Physical abuse, such as domestic violence
Sexual abuse, such as rape or child abuse
Verbal abuse, such as bullying
Childhood neglect from one or both parents
Physical Illness or disability
Loss of freedom
Relationship problems

If your child or adolescent is engaging in self-harm, the AACAP says it is important to talk to your child about respecting and valuing his or her body. You can also help your teen to avoid hurting himself or herself by teaching him or her the following skills:

To accept reality and find ways to make the present moment more tolerable

To identify feelings and talk them out rather than acting on them

To distract himself or herself from feelings of self-harm (counting to 10, waiting 15 minutes, saying “NO!” or “STOP!,” practicing breathing exercises, journaling, drawing, thinking about positive images, using ice and rubber bands, etc.)

To stop, think and evaluate the pros and cons of self-injury

To soothe himself or herself in a positive, non-injurious way

To practice positive stress management

To develop better social skills

You should have your child evaluated by a mental health professional to identify and treat the underlying causes of self-injury. A child and adolescent psychiatrist can also diagnose and treat any serious psychiatric disorders that may accompany your child’s self-injurious behavior.

The most severe cases of self-injury result in suicide. The CDC estimates about 32,000 people commit suicide every year in the United States. It is the third leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old. The National Association of School Psychologists cites the following signs indicating that your child’s self-injurious behavior may be escalating to suicide:

Suicide notes: These notes are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.
Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die” or “I am going to kill myself”) or, unfortunately, indirect comments (“The world would be better without me” and “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms, such as giving away prized possessions like jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.

Continued efforts to hurt oneself: Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic, jumping from heights and scratching, cutting or marking the body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include an inability to sleep or sleeping all of the time, sudden weight gain or loss and disinterest in appearance or hygiene.

If one or more of these signs occurs, talk to your child about your concerns and seek professional help when the concerns persist. With support from family and professional treatment, your child can heal and return to a more healthy path of development.

As a parent, you can help prevent teen suicide in the following ways, according to PROMINA Health System:

Know the warning signs and when to get a professional assessment.

Learn who your child is, how he or she feels and what he or she thinks by being more involved in his or her life.

Improve and enhance adult supervision and socialization and monitor the feelings, thoughts and behaviors of your child.

Emphasize honest communication and sharing.

Emphasize honest cooperation with authority and systems, such as school, church, work or rules at home.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association of School Psychologists
PROMINA Health System
Self-Harm Alliance

Helping Teens Avoid Bad Decisions and Risky Situations

Good Kids, Bad Choices

All kids make mistakes … but some bad choices can lead to terrible outcomes. As parents, we need to do everything in our power to help our children learn to make smart decisions. How do you help your kids learn about the consequences of a split-second decision? How do you help them avoid dangerous and risky situations?

Learn what leads kids to make bad decisions… and how parents can help with Good Kids, Bad Choices.

What is your greatest fear for your child? Car accident? Drug or alcohol addiction? Sexually transmitted disease? Unplanned pregnancy? Physical disability? Death? When it comes to learning how to avoid bad decisions, children need the guidance and insights that only parents can provide.

So how do parents learn what situations kids get themselves into? Why they make bad choices?
Order Good Kids, Bad Choices and find out.

You’ll see real teenagers talk about the split-second decisions they made … the terrible outcomes … and what they wish they had done instead. You’ll learn tips from experts and parenting advice about the steps you can take to help your child learn to make better decisions. And you’ll hear the inspiration from families who can help your family – before it’s too late.

********************************

As a parent advocate (Sue Scheff) keeping parents informed about today’s teens and the issues they face today is imperative for parents, teachers and others to continue to learn about.

Connect with Kids, like Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, brings awareness to parents and other raising with and working with today’s kids.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Girls Drink More Than Boys by Connect with Kids

“I think because of this pressure, the girls find that alcohol lessons their inhibitions. It also represses their emotions, anxieties and fears about it.”

– Annie Prescott, Ph.D., psychologist

In recent decades, girls have been catching up to boys -- and even surpassing them -- in a whole host of categories: test scores, academic achievement, college enrollment, graduate degrees. But in one area, girls outdoing boys is not good news.

Who drinks more alcohol, girls or guys?

“I think girls drink more,” says Diane, 13.

“I think girls drink more,” says Matt, 16.

“I think teenage girls drink more,” says Chris, 15.

In fact, a growing number of studies, including a recent survey from Columbia University, show that girls are now drinking more than boys. But why?

“Girls drink more because they try to fit in more. They’re so worried about fitting in and everything,” says Ally, 13.

Experts say there is more pressure on girls than ever before to be good athletes, to get good grades, and, at the same time, to be popular, beautiful and sexy.

“I think because of this pressure, the girls find that alcohol lessons their inhibitions. It also represses their emotions, anxieties and fears about it,” says Annie Prescott, Ph.D., psychologist.

“They want the guys’ attention; they want to show them they are cool and stuff,” says Diane.

Experts say teen girls need to be busy with activities that reinforce their worth and help them create an identity separate from alcohol, sex and boys.

“Sports and church activities, music, art, dance … activities where there are some social groups that don’t promote this type of acting out,” says Prescott.

All the while, she says, parents need to watch closely.

“I’m talking about being a detective -- that you are following up with them. Are they actually where they say they’re going to be? So they know that they have to be accountable,” says Prescott.

Tips for Parents

• According to J. Edward Hill, president-elect of the American Medical Association (AMA), “The difference in female physiology means that teen girls feel greater impairment from alcohol and encounter alcohol-related problems faster, including brain damage, cancer, cardiac complications, and other medical disorders."
  
  
• Drinking alcohol puts girls' health at risk in other ways, too. Many girls lose their virginity while drunk; in one study of unplanned pregnancies in 14 -21 year olds, one third of the girls who had gotten pregnant had been drinking when they had sex – 91 percent of them reported that the sex was unplanned. (Parents: The Anti-Drug; Flanigan et al., 1990)
  
  
• Nearly one quarter of sexually active teens and young adults say they have had unprotected sex because they were using alcohol or drugs at the time. (Kaiser Family Foundation, 2002) One in four drove a car after drinking or rode with a driver who had been drinking.
  
  
• Moreover, alcohol's ability to reduce inhibitions can be a shortcut to girls who "feel enormous pressure to have sex." The push to be sexy often goes hand in hand with the pressure to drink. (The Christian Science Monitor)
  
  
• People who begin drinking early in life run the risk of developing serious alcohol problems, including alcoholism, later in life. They also are at greater risk for a variety of adverse consequences, including risky sexual activity and poor performance in school. (National Institutes of Health, NIH)
  
  
• Drinking alcohol is bad for your brain and your health, but kids who drink can decide to be successful at stopping. Caring adults can teach kids how to give and receive respect, take better care of themselves, and make better choices. Nemours Foundation

References

• Parents: The Anti-Drug
  
  
• Kaiser Family Foundation
  
  
• Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
  
  
• The Christian Science Monitor
  
  
• National Institutes of Health (NIH)
  
  
• Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff: Teenagers Cutting Themselves by Connect with Kids

The Enemy Inside

It's hard to understand teenagers cutting themselves, but kids do deliberately burn, scratch and cut themselves until they bleed. Even the kids involved with teenage cutting can’t tell you why it makes them feel better... at least for the moment.

They can tell you that it’s addictive and scary.“Cutting” is the most popular form of self-injury today, and it is on the rise among adolescents. Teenagers cutting themselves is a sign of emotional pain but it can also lead to major physical injury... and even death in some cases.

The addictive nature of this condition allows it to spin quickly out of control.How can you help prevent teenage cutting?The first step is communication, but talking about teenage cutting isn’t easy.The Enemy Inside can help.

Compelling true stories from kids who struggle with self-injury will help explain why kids do it, why they want to stop – and so often why they can’t. You’ll also hear expert advice for parents, teachers and counselors, on how to help prevent this kind of self-harm cutting and how to suggest healthier alternatives.

Order your copy of The Enemy Inside to learn what you need to know about teenagers cutting themselves and to see why Connect with Kids programs have been shown to improve youth behavior and increase communication between parents and children.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways?

Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Loving your kids is easy: Parenting teenagers is hard.

Parents today face very real and sometimes frightening concerns about their children’s lives. As they get older, your kids have their own interests, problems, even their own language. So what's the key to parenting?

You could buy a book…but your child probably won’t read it. You could search the Internet for advice, and ask other parents. Those are good options, but there's one that's even better for parenting teenagers: reality-based DVDs for kids and parents to watch and learn together. Parents don’t typically think of buying a DVD to help them with the issues their children or a problem teenager faces, but this is powerful positive television programming produced by the Emmy® award-winning Connect With Kids team.

Build Your Own Library

We have a complete library of half-hour programs devoted to parenting teenagers and kids, all related to social, emotional and physical health. These aren’t lectures or scare tactics strictly about how to deal with a problem teenager; they’re true stories of real kids facing issues like drugs, drinking, STDs, obesity, racism, peer pressure, body image, bullying, and more.

These powerful stories are unscripted, unrehearsed and told in kids’ own words, so your children will easily relate to them without feeling defensive, embarrassed, pressured or talked down to. The kids' stories are supported with interviews and advice from leading child specialists, health experts, educators and counselors.

Watching together is a great way to start talking with your kids. Each 30-minute video is only $19.95, and comes with a Viewing Guide with facts, suggested conversation starters and professional advice. To order, visit our products page.

As a Parent Advocate, Connect with Kids offers a great number of informational articles, DVD's, video's and more to help parents understand today's kids.

Sue Scheff: Kids In Groups Take Greater Risks by Connect with Kids

“They do have the cognitive functions that allow them to control their emotions and organize. They’re just not as good at it, during the adolescent years, as they will be during adulthood.”

– Elizabeth Sowell, Ph.D., neuroscientist, UCLA Department of Neurology

With advanced brain-imaging technology, researchers have been learning more about how the human brain develops. One mystery experts have explored is why teenagers act the way they do: rebellious, impulsive and too willing to take risks. Now we may have an answer: one part of the adolescent brain is growing too fast, while another is growing too slowly.

Teenagers experiment with drugs. Drive too fast. Get angry and don’t know why.

“Pretty much the rebellion stage started kicking in right about age 12,” recalls Kim, currently 15.

What happens at age 12? According to new research from Temple University, teenagers feel emotions intensely, and care about how other kids feel about them. All that emotion resides in a part of the brain that grows quickly during adolescence. Meanwhile, the rational, careful, thoughtful part of the brain develops more slowly. That imbalance can cause kids to take risks.

“The parts of the brain that continue to develop during adolescence are the parts of the brain that we might expect when we think about typical, negative adolescent behaviors,” says Elizabeth Sowell, Ph.D., neuroscientist, UCLA Dept. of Neurology.

In fact, the study found that when kids were surrounded by other kids while participating in a simulated driving game, they were twice as likely to take risks.

“We know that adolescents are bigger risk takers, we don’t need the brain to tell us that. We know that they get in more car accidents than adults do,” says Sowell.

Experts say the good news is that while it may not be easy to teach teens to avoid risks, it’s not impossible, either.

“They do have the cognitive functions that allow them to control their emotions and organize. They’re just not as good at it, during the adolescent years, as they will be during adulthood,” says Sowell.

Experts say it helps to teach kids to ask themselves a question: ‘if you do this, what are the possible consequences?’ And don’t answer for them.

“Also, it’s much more rewarding for them if they come to the conclusion. Because it’s really coming from their heart and they know that whatever happens, they did the right thing for themselves,” says Diana, 15.

Tips for Parents

Sometimes, stresses in your life can actually come from your friends or peers. They may pressure you into doing something you're uncomfortable with, such as cheating, shoplifting, doing drugs or drinking, taking dangerous risks when driving a car, or having sex before you feel ready. (Nemours Foundation)

Listen to your gut. If you feel uncomfortable, even if your friends seem to be okay with what's going on, it means that something about the situation is wrong for you. This kind of decision-making is part of becoming self-reliant and learning more about who you are. (Nemours Foundation)

Plan for possible pressure situations. If you'd like to go to a party but you believe you may be offered alcohol or drugs there, think ahead about how you'll handle this challenge. Decide ahead of time — and even rehearse — what you'll say and do. Learn a few tricks. If you're holding a bottle of water or a can of soda, for instance, you're less likely to be offered a drink you don't want. (Nemours Foundation)

Arrange a "bail-out" code phrase you can use with your parents without losing face with your friends. For instance, you might call home from a party where you're feeling pressure to drink alcohol and say, "Can you come drive me home? I have a terrible earache." (Nemours Foundation)

Learn to feel comfortable saying "no." With good friends you should never have to offer an explanation or apology. But if you feel you need an excuse for, say, turning down a drink or smoke, think up a few lines you can use casually. (Nemours Foundation)

Hang with people who feel the same way you do. Choose friends who will speak up with you when you're in need of moral support, and be quick to speak up for a friend in the same way. If you're hearing that little voice telling you a situation's not right, chances are others hear it, too. Just having one other person stand with you against peer pressure makes it much easier for both people to resist. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation
UCLA Department of Neurology

(Sue Scheff) The Internet Divide - Connect with Kids

“They do it so fast, that lingo goes by so fast, you don’t know what they are saying. I mean she’s got three people on here right now. I couldn’t tell you how she’s keeping up those conversations.”

– Roopa Bhandari, mother, discussing her daughter’s online Instant Messaging

Are most kids more Internet savvy than their parents? A new Harris poll says the answer is yes. Are kids doing things online that would upset their parents? It seems that answer is also yes.

Sonia uses shorthand to chat with her friends online.

“LOL is laughing out loud, BRB -- be right back, BBL -- be back later, and LMHO --laughing my head off,” says Sonia, 13.

She’s so fast, it’s hard for her mom to keep up.

“They do it so fast, that lingo goes by so fast, you don’t know what they are saying. I mean, she’s got three people on here right now. I couldn’t tell you how she’s keeping up those conversations,” says Roopa Bhandari, Sonia’s mother.

According to the latest Harris poll, parents think their kids are online a total of six hours a week, but kids say they’re on the Internet almost twice that long. Almost a quarter of the kids admit to behavior that would upset their parents: talking to strangers, looking at porn, cyberbullying. This is today’s digital divide, with kids on one side, inexperienced parents on the other.

“I think the naivety in a lot of senses is really unnecessary, because it’s not as hard as it looks to a lot of these parents, they just have to take initiative and they have to go for it and make sure that their kids are safe,” says Jamey Brown, Systems Administrator, Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD).

That means keeping the computer in an open area, using Internet filters and learning as much as you can.

“Education of the parents is absolutely essential, because if the kids have a strong desire to do these kinds of things, then they’re going to find ways around even some of the best protections. If they are more knowledgeable than their parents on even the software that’s being used to circumvent them, then it can really work against [parents],” says Brown.

And learning can start with simple questions and conversations.

“Who’s ACL7C?” asks Sonia’s mom.
“My friend at school,” Sonia answers.
“What’s her name?”
“Emily.”

While her mother is trying to learn, Sonia would still like to keep some things private.

“It’s half and half. It’s good that she’s aware of some of the stuff, but not all of it,” says Sonia.

Tips for Parents

The Internet can be a wonderful resource for kids. They can use it to research school reports, communicate with teachers and other kids, and play interactive games. (Nemours Foundation)

However, it also provides access to information, sites, pictures and people that can be harmful to children and teens.

It's important to be aware of what your children see and hear on the Internet, who they meet, and what they share about themselves online. (Nemours Foundation)

Just like any safety issue, it's a good idea to talk with your kids about your concerns, take advantage of resources to protect them from potential dangers, and keep a close eye on their activities. (Nemours Foundation)

Keep the computer in a common area, not in individual bedrooms, where you can watch and monitor your child. (Nemours Foundation)

Encourage your teen to follow simple precautions, such as remaining anonymous at all times (this includes chat rooms); never disclosing private information such as address, phone number, school name, and credit card numbers; and never agreeing to meet someone in person that you have met in a chat room. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff: Connect with Kids - Parenting Teenagers is Hard

Loving your kids is easy: Parenting teenagers is hard.

Parents today face very real and sometimes frightening concerns about their children’s lives. As they get older, your kids have their own interests, problems, even their own language. So what's the key to parenting?

You could buy a book…but your child probably won’t read it. You could search the Internet for advice, and ask other parents. Those are good options, but there's one that's even better for parenting teenagers: reality-based DVDs for kids and parents to watch and learn together.

Parents don’t typically think of buying a DVD to help them with the issues their children or a problem teenager faces, but this is powerful positive television programming produced by the Emmy® award-winning Connect With Kids team.

Build Your Own Library

We have a complete library of half-hour programs devoted to parenting teenagers and kids, all related to social, emotional and physical health. These aren’t lectures or scare tactics strictly about how to deal with a problem teenager; they’re true stories of real kids facing issues like drugs, drinking, STDs, obesity, racism, peer pressure, body image, bullying, and more.

These powerful stories are unscripted, unrehearsed and told in kids’ own words, so your children will easily relate to them without feeling defensive, embarrassed, pressured or talked down to. The kids' stories are supported with interviews and advice from leading child specialists, health experts, educators and counselors.

Watching together is a great way to start talking with your kids. Each 30-minute video is only $19.95, and comes with a Viewing Guide with facts, suggested conversation starters and professional advice. To order, visit our products page.