SAT Prep - Do your homework

Source: Connect with Kids

“Some students will see huge differences. [Some] students don’t improve at all. Students get out of it what they put into it.”

– Wendi Deen Johnson, Kaplan Score Prep

In just a few weeks 17-year old Caroline will take the SAT for the first time.

“Well I know it’s like a really important test and I am really kind of concerned about that because I want to go to a really good college,” says Caroline.

To prepare for the college entrance exam, Caroline enrolled in an SAT prep course where she learned some useful strategies.

“For instance, she says, “What kind of questions are going to be asked and timing- it speeds me up so that I can get through more questions and hopefully get more answers right. “

But how will that prep course affect her score?

“Some students will see huge differences- we’ve had students who’ve increased 300-points. We also have students who don’t improve at all. Most of the time, students get out of it what they put into it,” says Wendi Deen Johnson, a spokesperson with the Score Prep division of Kaplan, Inc. a national test preparation company.

According to the College Board which administers the SAT, on average, SAT coaching increases verbal scores by eight points and math scores by eighteen points. In other words, coached students are likely to get one to three more questions right when compared to non-coached students.

If parents do opt to enroll their children in professional prep courses, even some in the test prep industry say it can be a mistake to start too early.

“If it’s a kid who’s really anxious about test-taking, then probably preparing them early wouldn’t be the best thing. You’d want to give them some time to mature and grow and learn some more skills,” says Johnson.

Commercial prep courses can cost hundreds of dollars, but experts say parents can help their kids prepare for less money by purchasing study guides, surfing the net for information, or enrolling in independent study courses.

That is exactly what Caroline did. Soon she’ll find out how well it worked.

“I’m hoping for a 1400 on the SAT,” she says. A near perfect score.

Tips for Parents

Anxiety stemming from standardized tests is not uncommon among today’s teens. In fact, a poll conducted by Public Agenda showed that 73 percent of surveyed students said they get nervous before taking a test, while 5 percent said they become too nervous to even take the test.

The University of Illinois Extension says that most students experience some level of anxiety during an exam, and this anxiety is due to a variety of reasons:

Poor time management
Failure to organize information
Poor study habits
Negative test-taking experience
Low self-confidence
Negative attitude about school
According to the State University of New York at Buffalo, children who frequently experience test anxiety also worry about the future and become extremely self-critical. Instead of feeling challenged by the prospect of success, they become afraid of failure. This makes them anxious about tests and their own abilities. And ultimately, they become so worked up that they feel incompetent about the subject matter or the test.

The National PTA says that it does not help to tell your child to relax, to think about something else or stop worrying about standardized tests. But you can help your child reduce test anxiety and prepare for tests like the SAT by encouraging the following actions:

Space studying over days or weeks. (Real learning occurs through studying that takes place over a period of time.) Understand the information and relate it to what is already known. Review it more than once. By doing this, your child should feel prepared at exam time.

Don’t “cram” the night before – cramming increases anxiety, which interferes with clear thinking. Get a good night’s sleep. Rest, exercise and eating well are as important to test taking as they are to other schoolwork.

Read the directions carefully when the instructor hands out the test. If you don’t understand them, ask the teacher to explain.

Look quickly at the entire examination to see what types of questions are included (multiple choice, matching, true/ false, essay, etc.) and, if possible, the number of points for each. This will help you pace yourself.

If you don’t know the answer to a question, skip it and go on. Don’t waste time worrying about it. Mark it so you can identify it as unanswered. If you have time at the end of the exam, return to the unanswered question(s).

As a parent, you can be a great help to your child if you observe these do’s and don’ts about tests and testing from the U.S. Department of Education:

Don’t be too anxious about your child’s test scores. If you put too much emphasis on test scores, this can upset your child.
Do encourage your child. Praise him/her for the things he or she does well. If your child feels good about himself or herself, he/she will do his/her best. Children who are afraid of failing are more likely to become anxious when taking tests and more likely to make mistakes.

Don’t judge your child on the basis of a single test score. Test scores are not perfect measures of what your child can do. Other factors might influence a test score. For example, your child can be affected by the way he/she is feeling, the setting in the classroom and the attitude of the teacher. Remember also that one test is simply one test.

Meet with your child’s teacher as often as possible to discuss his/her progress. Ask the teacher to suggest activities for you and your child to do at home to help prepare for tests and improve your child’s understanding of schoolwork. Parents and teachers should work together to benefit students.
Make sure your child attends school regularly. Remember, tests do reflect children’s overall achievement. The more effort and energy your child puts into learning, the more likely he/she will do well on tests.

Provide a quiet, comfortable place for studying at home.

Make sure that your child is well rested on school days and especially the day of a test. Children who are tired are less able to pay attention in class or to handle the demands of a test.

Give your child a well-rounded diet. A healthy body leads to a healthy, active mind.

Provide books and magazines for your child to read at home. By reading new materials, your child will learn new words that might appear on a test. Ask your child’s school about a suggested outside reading list or get suggestions from the public library.

References
College Board
National PTA
Public Agenda
State University of New York at Buffalo
University of Illinois Extension
U.S. Department of Education

African American Suicide

Source: Connect with Kids

“A very achieving, gentle, loving, spiritual, sweet child.”

– Doris Smith, describing her son, Mark, who committed suicide.

When he was 10 years old, Mark Smith’s mother and father divorced.

“It affected Mark greatly,” says his mother, Doris Smith. “I found out in later years he told me it devastated him.”

Throughout his teen years, Mark had trouble sleeping and eating. He also talked about death and dying --typical signs of depression.

“He was giving me all the signs and the symptoms of a person who would take their own life,” says Smith.

Finally, he did. With a gunshot to the head.

New research finds that 4 percent of all black teens will attempt suicide. And while it’s still lower than the suicide rate for whites, the gap is closing.

“We’re more aware of it, there’s more reporting of it,” explains Psychiatrist Dr. Saundra Maass-Robinson. “There’s less… I don’t want to say there’s less stigma, but there’s less reluctance for those loved ones to identify it as a suicide than in the past.”

Maass-Robinson says that in the past 18 years, approximately 50 percent of her clients have been black teens. Still, she says, too often the ones that need help never get it.

“I will more often than not hear these young men say they’ve been wanting to get help for a while but their parents have discouraged it. So the very people they turn to for help are still part of the problem.”

Maass-Robinson says if you do see signs of depression -- no matter how subtle – take action.

“As the parent, I always take the position, ‘I know something’s wrong, I’m not here debating that. I’m not here [saying] how are you doing’,” says Maass-Robinson. “If you can’t talk to me, is there anybody you can? Because if you can’t I’m going to find you somebody and we’re going to do this.”

Doris Smith will always wish she had done more…

“I miss Mark so very much,” she says. “He was my only child. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him.”

Tips for Parents
When someone commits suicide, even people who were close to the victim often voice surprise and shock. Yet suicide is a prevalent issue, particularly among youth, who seemingly have their whole lives ahead of them. Consider the following statistics:

Suicide is the third leading cause of death for people ages 15 to 24. In fact, more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease combined.
Risk factors for attempted suicide in youth are depression, alcohol or other drug use, and aggressive or disruptive behavior.
Over the last several decades, the suicide rate in young people has increased dramatically, nearly tripling in the last 50 years.
Male teenagers are much more likely to commit suicide than female teenagers, at a ratio of five-to-one.
Since 1980, suicide rates increased most rapidly among young black males.
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, many of the symptoms of suicidal tendencies are similar to those of depression. Parents should be aware of the following signs that could indicate your child is at risk:

Change in eating and sleeping habits
Withdrawal from friends, family, and regular activities
Violent actions, rebellious behavior, or running away
Drug and alcohol use
Unusual neglect of personal appearance
Marked personality change
Persistent boredom, difficulty concentrating, or a decline in the quality of schoolwork
Frequent complaints about physical symptoms (often related to emotions) such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, etc.
Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
Intolerant of praise or rewards
A teenager who is planning to commit suicide may also …

Say that they are “a bad person” or feel "rotten inside."
Give verbal hints such as, "I won't be a problem for you much longer;" "Nothing matters;" "It's no use," or, "I won't see you again."
Put his or her affairs in order; for example, give away favorite possessions, clean his or her room, throw away important belongings, etc.
Become suddenly cheerful after a period of depression.
Have signs of psychosis (hallucinations or bizarre thoughts).
If a child or teen says, "I want to kill myself," or "I'm going to commit suicide," always take the statement seriously and seek evaluation from a psychiatrist and/or physician who specializes in children. People often feel uncomfortable talking about death. However, asking the child or adolescent whether he or she is depressed or thinking about suicide can be helpful. Don’t be afraid that this will "put thoughts in your child's head." Instead, asking the question lets the child know somebody cares, and can give him/her the chance to talk about his/her problems.

Experts at the American Association of Suicidology have developed the following suggestions to help deter someone who might be suicidal:

Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or if feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
Don’t dare him or her to do it.
Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
Offer hope that alternatives are available, but do not offer glib reassurance.
Take action. Remove any means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
Get help from doctors, therapists or agencies that specialize in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.
References
American Association of Suicidology
National Center for Health Statistics
The American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
University of Michigan

Sue Scheff: Jobs and Drug Use

Source: Connect with Kids

“They end up experimenting in such a way that the use of that [extra] income is not really going toward beneficial things for them.”
– Dr. Richard Winer, Psychiatrist

For just seventeen, Adam Shapiro’s work experience is impressive. “I have worked at my synagogue… like three hours a week probably on a Sunday. I was assistant teacher. I’ve ref’d soccer before,” he says.

But with major exams this week, the jobs will have to wait.

“Are you studying the rest of the week?” his mom, Karen, asks him,“Yeah,” says Adam.
“The number one priority for us is his studies. So, if he wanted to work and make extra money that was great, as long as it did not interfere with his studies,” explains his mom, Karen.
Previous studies have found that kids who work just ten hours a week admit to cheating more often in school and taking less challenging courses.

And a new survey by the Rand Corporation finds that kids who work are also more likely to use drugs and alcohol and smoke cigarettes.

The difference between them and their unemployed peers: lack of supervision for one and extra cash.

“They end up experimenting in such a way that the use of that the use of that income is not really going toward beneficial things for them,” explains Dr. Richard Winer, a psychiatrist.
He says parents need to keep a close eye on where the money is going, and how the job is affecting their child. “Their sleep patterns, their eating patterns, their social skills among peers as well as family member… if there’s a distinct change that’s taken place then it’s probably worth looking into to that, because that might be kind of a warning sign.”

Finally, he says kids will do better off if they take a job for the experience, not just the money. “If you enjoy your work, it won’t feel that taxing to you,” he says, “and [it] probably will have less likelihood of being an impediment to your academic work as a teen or as a college student.”

Adam, who already has been accepted to college early admission, says that’s exactly what happened to him. “I ref soccer, and I enjoy, I love sports… so, I try to find a happy medium in between working, getting paid… and doing something I love.”

Tips for Parents
The Department of Labor estimates that 80 percent of high school students will hold a job at some point before graduation. Most teens are working for spending money. Few are contributing to family expenses. The National Academies assessed how work affects the health, education, development and behavior of young people. Their research found advantages and disadvantages for students that work.

Among the advantages of a job are that it can …
Help develop responsibility and time management skills.
Provide experience in dealing with people.
Provide opportunity to acquire specific job skills that might transfer to subsequent work situations.

Research has also shown the following negative consequences of work, particularly when a teen works more than 20 hours a week:

Work can interfere with schoolwork and academic achievement

Work can take precedence over extracurricular activities and social experiences that are an important part of adolescent development

Work can interfere with sleep

Students who work long hours – more than 20 hours – are more likely to use illegal drugs or engage in other deviant behavior.

Many students who work long hours get insufficient sleep and exercise and may spend less time with their families.

Students who consistently work more than 20 hours per week also complete less schooling.
Though working can help to acquire specific job skills, the reality is that many teens are employed in jobs that utilize low-level skills and do not provide any valuable learning experience. The National Academies and others recommend that Congress give the U.S. Department of Labor the authority to limit the number of hours worked during the school year by all children under 18.

Currently, under federal law, students under 16 cannot work more than three hours on a school day and 18 hours in an entire week. The government has not set guidelines for 16 to 17-year-olds. The National Consumers League recommends that 16 to 17 year olds be restricted to no more than four hours per day and 20 hours a week during the school year.

The North Carolina State University Family and Consumer Sciences offers these tips for parents and kids to make the most of a teen’s job:

Agree to make schoolwork the number one priority

Set clear expectations about the conditions of acceptable employment (type of work, how much work, maintaining good grades, etc.)

Have the teen work out expectations and conditions with employer (e.g. must have time off during finals week, must finish by a certain hour on school nights, etc.)

Consider working only during school vacations and/or vacations.

If money is not the issue, consider an unpaid or volunteer work that will serve the teen’s personal growth and long-term career interests.

Before your teen sets his or her heart on a job, make sure he or she is aware of the potential hazards of the job. According to the National Consumer League, the five worst and dangerous jobs for teens to hold include the following:

Driving and delivery, including operating or repairing motorized equipment
Working alone in cash-based businesses and late-night work
Cooking with exposure to hot oil and grease, hot water and steam, and hot cooking surfaces
Construction and work at heights

Traveling youth crews

As a parent, you need to teach your child the skills to keep a job by excelling in his/her chosen field. The YouthRules! Initiative of the U.S. Department of Labor (DOL) offers parents the following tips for teaching their child the importance of appearance and courtesy on the job:
Know the dress code. If business attire is expected, wear it.
Make sure your clothes are clean, pressed and fit you properly. Shoes should be polished.
If you’re supposed to wear an identification card, wear it.
The basic rule is clean and neat: Bathe and brush your teeth before your work day. Hands and fingernails should be clean. Hair must be clean and neat, in acceptable styles and colors.
When you answer the phone at work or meet customers, always say, “Good morning (or afternoon or evening). Thank you for calling [name of your employer]. May I help you?”
Be friendly and sociable. Remember to say “thank you” and “please.”
Even if someone is rude to you, remain polite and keep your good attitude.

References
National Center for Education Statistics
National Consumers League
North Carolina State University Family and Consumer Sciences
The National Academies
Rand Corporation
U.S. Department of Labor
YouthRules!

Summer Jobs Scarce

Source: Connect with Kids

"It’s a difficult job market, but don’t give up. Look longer and work harder to find [a job]. There are some, but you’re going to have to commit yourself in a much more focused way than maybe in the past.”

– Michael Thurmond, Commissioner, Georgia Department of Labor

They look through newspapers, scan the Internet, and drive around looking for “Help Wanted” signs. There aren’t many out there.

“I looked for a summer job for probably about a month and a half,” says 16-year-old Julie Wells.

“I had an extremely hard time finding a job,” adds 16-year-old Chelsea Coleman.

They’re not alone. Experts say finding a job is going to be tough this summer.

“Our teens in this nation are facing the worst job market in recent memory … since World War II,” says Commissioner of the Georgia Department of Labor, Michael Thurmond.

This summer, experts predict most teens will not find a job, compared to eight years ago when nearly half of all teens were employed.

The reason is no surprise. As the recession ends, adults who have been unemployed for months -- or longer -- are taking low-level jobs that were once the domain of teens.

“Teenagers all across this country are being forced … to compete with better skilled, more educated adults,” says Thurmond, “and there are fewer jobs to be sought in the beginning.”

But he does have some advice. First, teens shouldn’t give up. The job search may take longer, and they may not get the job of their choice, but there are still opportunities. Second, if you can’t find a paying job, volunteer for a non-profit organization. It’s one way to show future employers that you have what it takes.

“Committed to showing up on time, doing a good job, respecting authority,” says Thurmond.

Tips for Parents

Perhaps the most difficult and most important step in getting a job may be the interview itself. There are many things you can do make a good impression with an interviewer. Consider the following, developed by the Wisconsin Department of Workforce Development (WDWD):

Do your homework on the company. Ask the personnel or business office for printed materialp; talk with an employee; check the public library; go to the company website. The more you know about the company, the better you’ll do in an interview. You’ll sound intelligent, up to date, and the interviewer may recognize the hard work you did in preparing – and that will make a more favorable impression.

Practice interviewing with a family member or friend – especially one who has been successful in getting jobs and will offer you honets feedback and helpful suggestions.

Bring your resume, a work record and names of references.

Dress conservatively – a dress, suit, or nice pants and a blouse (women) or a suit or trousers and a neat shirt (men). Do not wear "fad" or flamboyant clothes.

Report for your interview on time – and alone.

Answer the employer's questions honestly and briefly. Don't talk about personal matters unless asked. Do tell about your qualifications completely – without exaggeration.

If the first interview does not lead to a job offer, don't get discouraged. Few people get the first job they apply for – and often not the second or third, either.

Think about each interview and determine what made a good impression – and what you could improve. Some people even suggest calling the interviewer to ask for helpful feedback. Then try again for another job.

Finding summer jobs can be daunting for students. When summer break rolls around, the job market suddenly becomes saturated with adolescents all vying for the same openings. Therefore, it’s important to know what will help you most in getting a job. Experts at the WDWD have developed the following tips for you to share with your child:

For the best chance at private industry job, students should start looking in late winter or early spring. Large businesses usually have personnel offices that will take applications early. Your child should check back with the company regularly.

Sometimes students can get priority for summer jobs by working part-time or on Saturdays during the school year.

Small firms may not take applications until they are ready to hire, but checking early will let employers know your child is interested. Your child can also find out the best time to apply and what his/her chances are.

Here’s a useful exercise: have your child make a list of things he/she has to offer an employer – specific skills, personality/attitude, work or volunteer experience, and anything he/she has learned in or out of school that may be useful on a job. For example, typing skills, working around cars or machines, or helping children.

Tell your child to talk with a teacher or counselor about jobs in the area. Your child should ask how he/she can put his/her skills and talents to work. Teachers and counselors may be able to suggest fields that are right for your child.

Encourage your child to create a type of resume to give to interviewers. It should include work experience, names and addresses of previous employers, volunteer work, and personal references. Teachers and adult friends are good reference choices; relatives should not be listed. Tell your child to always ask permission before using anyone as a reference.

References
Georgia Department of Labor
Quintessential Careers
SnagAJob
Wisconsin Department of Workforce Development

Sex Talk Online

Source: Connect with Kids

“My parents have no idea what’s going on or anything. I think parents should know, because obviously there’s a lot of stuff going on.”

– Chris, age 16

On a lazy afternoon, when their parents aren’t around, friends Gareth, Minh and Chris enjoy some innocent fun.

But when they log onto the Internet, what they find in chat rooms is anything but innocent.

“Just stuff like flat out, like ‘I want to have sex with you, I want to **** you, I want to do this, I want to do that,” says 17-year-old Minh, who has surfed the web for about six years.

“She was saying stuff like ooh, I’m touching myself now, what are you doing. It’s like, you know, way out of bounds,” says Chris, 16.

It’s shocking, but experts say it’s not uncommon. According to a new survey, 20 percent of teens say they’ve taken nude photos of themselves and either posted them online or sent them out via email.

“Kids are horny, I mean it just seems like they want to do more of that,” says 17-year-old Gareth.

Parents may feel inclined to simply shut down the computer, but experts say curious kids will find a way to get online. Instead, over and over, starting when they’re little, parents need to insist their kids be responsible in all their decisions- whether on the Internet or not.

“It’s not that you specifically are able to prepare a child for internet and chat rooms but it’s how you connect with your kid and try to prepare them for all aspects of life,” explains psychologist Vincent Ho, Ph.D.

Tips for Parents

Pornography is not merely a fringe-element problem, and addiction to it is not just a stage in life. It is a very real and mainstream problem today. Consider the following statistics from 2003:

The pornography industry made $57 billion worldwide; $12 billion in the United States.
Porn revenue is larger than the combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises.

U.S. porn revenue is nearly double the combined revenues of the three biggest television networks (ABC, CBS and NBC revenues total $6.2 billion).

Child pornography generates $3 billion annually.

Nearly one out of every eight websites is a pornographic site (4.2 million in all).

One-quarter of all Internet search engine requests are for pornography (68 million per day).

Over two billion pornographic e-mails are sent daily.

The average age of the first exposure to Internet pornography is 11 years old.

The largest consumers of Internet pornography are 12- to 17-year-olds.

Eighty percent of teenagers ages 15 to 17 report having multiple hardcore exposures to pornography on the Internet.

Nine out of 10 children 8 to 16 years old have viewed pornography online, mostly while doing homework.

In the past, pornography was mainly limited to artwork, magazines and the red-light districts. With the advent of the Internet and cable television, however, pornography has now made its way into our family rooms, home offices and kids’ bedrooms. It is easily – and often inadvertently -- accessible by children and teenagers, and parents must work even harder to prevent their children from becoming addicted to it.

The best cure for addiction is prevention. Experts at the Jacob Wetterling Foundation developed the following tips to help parents prevent their children from becoming addicted to pornography:

Place home computers in a central area of the house, not a child’s bedroom or secluded area. Make surfing the Internet a family experience.

Talk with your children about what they can and cannot do online, while trying to understand their needs, interests and curiosity.

Know your child's password and screen names; they may have more than one.
Set reasonable time limits on computer use, and ensure that your children adhere to the limitations.

Parents (not children) should always establish and maintain an Internet service provider account (AOL, Earthlink, MSN), and the account should always be in a parent’s name (not a child’s). This ensures that a parent can legally maintain control of the account’s use and can access records if necessary. If an account is set up in a child's name, it may be difficult, if not impossible, to obtain account information without the child's permission.

You should also realize that children may be accessing the Internet from outside the home, such as friend's homes, work, libraries and school.

Be open with your children and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem online.

Explore filtering and blocking software, which is used to sort information on the Internet and classify it according to content. A major drawback is that some filtering may block innocent sites, while many "negative" sites still get past the filters. Though these programs can be great assets, parents still need to maintain open communication with their children to inform and protect them.

Many parents may suspect their children of being sexually addicted, but may not be sure of the warning signs. Victor Cline, Ph.D., an expert on pornography and its effects, encourages parents to be on the lookout for the following symptoms of sexual addiction:

A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior
Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences

Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior

Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior

Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy

Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer satisfying

Severe mood changes related to sexual activity

Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual and/or recovering from sexual experiences

Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual behavior
If you discover your child viewing pornography or you know it is a problem in his/her life, reassure him/her. Let your child know that while you don’t agree with the use of pornography, you still love them and expect them to do better. Rob Jackson, a professional counselor specializing in sexual addiction and codependency, suggests taking the following four-area approach to prevent the possibility of your child using pornography in the future:

Behavioral – Behavioral approaches attempt to prevent a scenario from developing in the first place. The house and grounds, for example, should be purged of all pornography. Media should be carefully screened for “triggers” that serve as gateways to acting-out. If the problem occurred with the Internet, a filter can be one of your strategies, although it can never replace parental supervision and involvement. Other common sense approaches include moving the computer to the family room where others can easily view the screen, limiting the time on the computer and making sure no one is alone on the Internet, and developing a mission statement that directs the family’s use of the computer and the Internet.

Cognitive – Pornography generates destructive myths about sexuality. Once your child is exposed, it will be critically important to initiate a comprehensive sex education program, if you have not already done so. The child will need to learn what and how to think about sexuality. More than mere behaviors, parents will want to communicate the core values of sexuality, the multifaceted risks of sex outside of marriage, and their ongoing compassion for what it must be like to grow up in this culture.

Emotive – Sex is inherently emotional. Premarital sex has even been linked with codependency, where at least one person becomes compelled or addicted to be in relationship with another. The youth culture would lead you to believe that sex is not necessarily emotional for them – don’t believe it. Sexual relations of any type bond the bodies, minds and spirits of two individuals. At the conscious level, this attachment is largely emotional. Your children need to understand that emotional attachment is often involuntary, and especially when the relationship has been compromised sexually.

Spiritual – At its core, sexual integrity comes down to a spiritual commitment. Share your beliefs with your children, and explain to them the reasons to avoid the trappings of pornography. A strong spiritual foundation can be the best prevention method against pornography.

References
Berkman Center for Internet and Society
Jacob Wetterling Foundation
Pure Intimacy
TeenHealthFX

Teen Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

– Amy, 16 years old

New research from Columbia University finds that nearly 50 percent of teens suffer from some form of depression, anxiety, or a number of other psychiatric disorders.

“A lot of people I know get depressed all the time about lots of stuff,” says 15-year-old Meagan.

“It’s like everything’s all on your shoulders and you have to take everything at once,” says Meredith, 14.

Sixteen-year-old Amy agrees, “Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

“My parents went through an awful divorce my ninth grade year and I was devastated, worse than my heart could ever imagine,” says 18-year-old Brittany, “and it hurts a lot, and I still hurt to this day and I’m a senior in H.S.”

The symptoms vary: some kids may be lethargic and withdrawn; others may show agitation and frustration, even aggression. Often, there is a drop in grades.

And sometimes these symptoms can cause parents to punish the child, instead of providing treatment.

“Rather than thinking of children’s misbehaviors as discipline problems or misbehaviors as deliberate,” says psychologist Sunaina Jain, Ph.D., “it’s important to see them as communications from the child.”

Experts say lots of kids experience depression or anxiety, often mild and temporary, but not always. And that’s why parents need to constantly check their child’s emotional pulse.

“You know it doesn’t take hours and hours. Even a few minutes of checking in with each other every day is a great way of saying you know I’m here, I’m interested in you,” says Jain.

Tips for Parents

All teens experience ups and downs. Every day poses a new test of their emotional stability – fighting with a friend, feeling peer pressure to “fit in” with a particular crowd or experiencing anxiety over a failed quiz – all of which can lead to normal feelings of sadness or grief. These feelings are usually brief and subside with time, unlike depression, which is more than feeling blue, sad or down in the dumps once in a while.

According to the Nemours Foundation, depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months or even longer. It also interferes with a person’s ability to participate in normal activities. Often, depression in teens is overlooked because parents and teachers feel that unhappiness or “moodiness” is typical in young people. They blame hormones or other factors for teens’ feelings of sadness or grief, which leaves many teens undiagnosed and untreated for their illness.

The Mayo Clinic reports that sometimes a stressful life event triggers depression. Other times, it seems to occur spontaneously, with no identifiable specific cause. However, certain risk factors may be associated with developing the disorder. Johns Hopkins University cites the following risk factors for becoming depressed:

Children under stress who have experienced loss or who suffer attention, learning or conduct disorders are more susceptible to depression.
Girls are more likely than boys to develop depression.
Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder.

Possible Symptoms:

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation or anxiety
Pessimism or indifference
Loss of energy or persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
Inability to concentrate and indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests or social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
It is important to acknowledge that teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. According to the National Mental Health Association, teens may also express their depression through other hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behaviors. These behaviors will only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends and family, as well as difficulties with law enforcement or school officials.

The development of newer antidepressant medications and mood-stabilizing drugs in the last 20 years has revolutionized the treatment of depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, medication can relieve the symptoms of depression, and it has become the first line of treatment for most types of the disorder. Psychotherapy may also help teens cope with ongoing problems that trigger or contribute to their depression. A combination of medications and a brief course of psychotherapy are usually effective if a teen suffers from mild to moderate depression. For severely depressed teens, initial treatment usually includes medications. Once they improve, psychotherapy can be more effective.

Immediate treatment of your teen’s depression is crucial. Adolescents and children suffering from depression may turn to suicide if they do not receive proper treatment. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for Americans aged 10-24. The National Association of School Psychologists suggests looking for the following warning signs that may indicate your depressed teen if contemplating suicide:

Suicide notes: Notes or journal entries are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.

Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die.” “I am going to kill myself”) or indirect comments (“The world would be better without me.” “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

Previous attempts: If your child or teen has attempted suicide in the past, a greater likelihood that he or she will try again exists. Be very observant of any friends who have tried suicide before.

Depression (helplessness/hopelessness): When symptoms of depression include strong thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness, your teen is possibly at greater risk for suicide. Watch out for behaviors or comments that indicate your teen is feeling overwhelmed by sadness or pessimistic views of his or her future.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse. While this behavior may not appear to be depression, in fact it may suggest that your teen is not concerned about his or her own safety.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms. In adolescents, it might be giving away prized possessions, such as jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.
Efforts to hurt himself or herself: Self-injury behaviors are warning signs for young children as well as teens. Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic; jumping from heights; and scratching, cutting or marking his or her body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include inability to sleep or sleeping all the time, sudden weight gain or loss and lack of interest in appearance or hygiene.

Sudden changes in personality, friends or behaviors: Changes can include withdrawing from friends and family, skipping school or classes, loss of involvement in activities that were once important and avoiding friends.

Plan/method/access: A suicidal child or adolescent may show an increased interest in guns and other weapons, may seem to have increased access to guns, pills, etc., and/or may talk about or hint at a suicide plan. The greater the planning, the greater the potential for suicide.
Death and suicidal themes: These themes might appear in classroom drawings, work samples, journals or homework.

If you suspect suicide, it is important to contact a medical professional immediately. A counselor or psychologist can also help offer additional support.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Foundation for Suicidal Prevention
Columbia University
Johns Hopkins University
Mayo Clinic
National Association of School Psychologists
National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association
National Institute of Mental Health
National Mental Health Association
Nemours Foundation
Thomson-Reuters

Which Battles You Pick?

Source: Connect with Kids

“I love shocking [people], because I’m something somebody will remember.”

– Sara Jackson, 16 years old

Teenagers are freedom seekers, risk-takers and rule breakers. Pushing limits is just what teenagers do. “I love the rush. I love the freedom,” says 17-year-old Alan Oliver.

Sixteen-year-old Sara Jackson agrees that breaking rules and taking chances is a rush. “It’s something I take great pride in. I love shocking [people], because I’m something somebody will remember.”

When kids become teens, they start breaking away, trying new things and taking chances. For Sara, that means wearing funky clothes and crazy hairdos. People, especially adults, notice Sara’s wild style.

“They come up to me and say you’re looking kind of crazy today. What’s going on with the whole style thing?” she says.

But some kids find other, more dangerous ways to show their independence. They take risks. Dan O’brien got involved in drugs and alcohol. “I mean, every time I drank, I drank to get drunk,” he says.

Ed Drury, age 17, gets his rush from speeding. Standing around with friends at his favorite Friday night hangout, Ed admits why he likes to come here. “There’s always a lot of racing, a lot of speeding.”

Experts confirm what most of us already know. Teenagers oftentimes don’t think about the consequences of their actions. Says Dr. Nancy Macgarrah: “It’s this whole sense of invulnerability tied with the lack of maturity. “

Since we know teenagers are going to take chances, experts say it’s wise to be strict on the issues that reallymatter.

“You know, it’s not so much … is your hair orange or purple or do you have two earrings or three earrings. I mean, those aren’t life-ending decisions, but whether you wear seatbelts or not, whether you drink and drive or not, you know whether you drive 20 miles over the speed limit. And those all can be life-ending decisions,” Dr. Macgarrah says.

For kids like Sara, dressing funky, doing wild things with their hair and just being a little different all satisfy the need for independence.

“When I spike my hair, it makes me feel good about myself. I like it. It’s something different. It lets people know what kind of person I am,” Sara says.

Tips for Parents

The most difficult challenges many parents face, according to the American Psychological Association, come during their children’s teenage years. Teenagers, dealing with a complex world and hormonal changes, may feel that no one can understand their feelings, least of all their parents. Teens and parents alike may be left feeling angry, frustrated and confused. The APA says methods of discipline that worked well in earlier years no longer seem to be effective. As a result, the teen years are “ripe” for producing conflict in the family. Typical areas of conflict may include:

Disputes over curfew
Choice of friends
Spending time with family instead of friends
School and work performance
Cars and driving privileges
Dating and sexuality
Clothing, hair styles and makeup
Self-destructive behaviors, such as smoking, drinking and using drugs

The teen years are tough, but most families seem to be successful at helping their children accomplish their developmental goals: reducing dependence on parents while becoming increasingly responsible and independent. However, the APA does list some warning signs that things are not going well and that the family may want to seek outside help:

Aggressive behavior or violence by the teen
Drug or alcohol abuse
Promiscuity
School truancy
Brushes with the law or runaway behavior

Parents resorting to hitting or other violence in an attempt to maintain discipline

There are different styles and approaches to parenting. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, research shows that effective parents raise well-adjusted children who are more self-reliant, self-controlled and positively curious than children raised by parents who are punitive, overly strict (authoritarian) or permissive. Effective parents demonstrate the following behaviors:

Believe that both the child and the parents have certain rights and that the needs of both are important
Rule out the use physical force to discipline the child
Set clear rules and explain why these rules are important
Reason with the child and consider the child’s point of view even though they may not agree with it

Tips for effective discipline:

Trust your child to do the right thing within the limits of your child’s age and stage of development.
Make sure what you ask for is reasonable.
Speak to your child as you would want to be spoken to if someone were reprimanding you. Don’t resort to name-calling, yelling or other disrespectful behavior.
Be clear about what you mean. Be firm and specific.
Model positive behavior. “Do as I say, not as I do” seldom works.
Allow for negotiation and flexibility, which can help build your child’s social skills.
Let your child experience the consequences of his or her behavior.
Whenever possible, consequences should be delivered immediately, should relate to the rule broken and be short enough in duration that you can move on again to emphasize the positives.
Consequences should be fair and appropriate to the situation and the child’s age.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Psychological Association
Temple University