Which Battles You Pick?

Source: Connect with Kids

“I love shocking [people], because I’m something somebody will remember.”

– Sara Jackson, 16 years old

Teenagers are freedom seekers, risk-takers and rule breakers. Pushing limits is just what teenagers do. “I love the rush. I love the freedom,” says 17-year-old Alan Oliver.

Sixteen-year-old Sara Jackson agrees that breaking rules and taking chances is a rush. “It’s something I take great pride in. I love shocking [people], because I’m something somebody will remember.”

When kids become teens, they start breaking away, trying new things and taking chances. For Sara, that means wearing funky clothes and crazy hairdos. People, especially adults, notice Sara’s wild style.

“They come up to me and say you’re looking kind of crazy today. What’s going on with the whole style thing?” she says.

But some kids find other, more dangerous ways to show their independence. They take risks. Dan O’brien got involved in drugs and alcohol. “I mean, every time I drank, I drank to get drunk,” he says.

Ed Drury, age 17, gets his rush from speeding. Standing around with friends at his favorite Friday night hangout, Ed admits why he likes to come here. “There’s always a lot of racing, a lot of speeding.”

Experts confirm what most of us already know. Teenagers oftentimes don’t think about the consequences of their actions. Says Dr. Nancy Macgarrah: “It’s this whole sense of invulnerability tied with the lack of maturity. “

Since we know teenagers are going to take chances, experts say it’s wise to be strict on the issues that reallymatter.

“You know, it’s not so much … is your hair orange or purple or do you have two earrings or three earrings. I mean, those aren’t life-ending decisions, but whether you wear seatbelts or not, whether you drink and drive or not, you know whether you drive 20 miles over the speed limit. And those all can be life-ending decisions,” Dr. Macgarrah says.

For kids like Sara, dressing funky, doing wild things with their hair and just being a little different all satisfy the need for independence.

“When I spike my hair, it makes me feel good about myself. I like it. It’s something different. It lets people know what kind of person I am,” Sara says.

Tips for Parents

The most difficult challenges many parents face, according to the American Psychological Association, come during their children’s teenage years. Teenagers, dealing with a complex world and hormonal changes, may feel that no one can understand their feelings, least of all their parents. Teens and parents alike may be left feeling angry, frustrated and confused. The APA says methods of discipline that worked well in earlier years no longer seem to be effective. As a result, the teen years are “ripe” for producing conflict in the family. Typical areas of conflict may include:

Disputes over curfew
Choice of friends
Spending time with family instead of friends
School and work performance
Cars and driving privileges
Dating and sexuality
Clothing, hair styles and makeup
Self-destructive behaviors, such as smoking, drinking and using drugs

The teen years are tough, but most families seem to be successful at helping their children accomplish their developmental goals: reducing dependence on parents while becoming increasingly responsible and independent. However, the APA does list some warning signs that things are not going well and that the family may want to seek outside help:

Aggressive behavior or violence by the teen
Drug or alcohol abuse
Promiscuity
School truancy
Brushes with the law or runaway behavior

Parents resorting to hitting or other violence in an attempt to maintain discipline

There are different styles and approaches to parenting. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, research shows that effective parents raise well-adjusted children who are more self-reliant, self-controlled and positively curious than children raised by parents who are punitive, overly strict (authoritarian) or permissive. Effective parents demonstrate the following behaviors:

Believe that both the child and the parents have certain rights and that the needs of both are important
Rule out the use physical force to discipline the child
Set clear rules and explain why these rules are important
Reason with the child and consider the child’s point of view even though they may not agree with it

Tips for effective discipline:

Trust your child to do the right thing within the limits of your child’s age and stage of development.
Make sure what you ask for is reasonable.
Speak to your child as you would want to be spoken to if someone were reprimanding you. Don’t resort to name-calling, yelling or other disrespectful behavior.
Be clear about what you mean. Be firm and specific.
Model positive behavior. “Do as I say, not as I do” seldom works.
Allow for negotiation and flexibility, which can help build your child’s social skills.
Let your child experience the consequences of his or her behavior.
Whenever possible, consequences should be delivered immediately, should relate to the rule broken and be short enough in duration that you can move on again to emphasize the positives.
Consequences should be fair and appropriate to the situation and the child’s age.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Psychological Association
Temple University

Sue Scheff - Inflated Self Esteem with Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just be happy about yourself, feel confident in what you can do.”

– Tyler, age 17

Self-esteem is important. “Well of course!” agrees 16-year-old Annie.

“The lower self-esteem you have the more people can pick on you, the more people can mess around and make jokes about you, that’s just how it is nowadays,” explains 17-year-old Tyler.

Researchers from San Diego State University studied annual surveys given to high school seniors since 1975. They found that self-esteem among teens is at its highest level ever.

One example: 65 percent felt confident that they would be successful at their job, compared to just 49 percent back in 1975.

Experts point to the trend in the late 70s, where parents and teachers used praise to boost self-esteem … sometimes instead of kids actually earning praise and recognition.

“To feel good about ourselves, we need things to feel good about,” says Dr. Frank Phajares, Clinical Psychologist. “We need accomplishments, we need mastery experiences, we need real competencies. And when we succeed, that’s when we feel good about ourselves.”

Studies show that earned self-esteem is powerful: kids tend to perform better when they feel good about themselves and are better able to get through disappointments and difficulties in life.

But, experts warn, praise without accomplishment is risky.

“If we just focus on making kids feel good and liking themselves, then I think we are missing the boat and I think we are raising little tyrants who are self-centered, selfish and could disregard other people.”

Tips for Parents


A general increase in the self-esteem of American children is good news, right? Researchers at San Diego State University aren’t so sure. Their study of adolescents and college students from the 1970s to 2000s does show an overall increase in self-esteem, but suggests that the increase is not due to improvements in children’s behavior. Instead, the increase could be the result of educators and parents urging children to feel better about themselves. “The larger social environment is affecting self-esteem, rather than vice versa,” the study’s authors conclude. “The culture we create has an impact on our children’s feelings about themselves.”

Why is self-esteem important in children? According to the National Network for Child Care (NNCC), how children feel about themselves affects the way they act. Most of the time, children with high self-esteem will:

Make friends easily.
Show enthusiasm for new activities.
Be cooperative and follow age-appropriate rules.
Control their behavior.
Play by themselves and with other children.
Like to be creative and have their own ideas.
Be happy, full of energy, and talk to others without much encouragement.
What can you do to help children build high self-esteem? The NNCC offers the following suggestions:

Praise each child's successes (even very small ones). Praise each child who tries hard.
Give sincere affection. Let children know that they are loved and wanted.
Show interest in each child's activities, projects, or problems.
Tell children what to do instead of what not to do. This prepares them for what to do.
Instead of: "Don't throw the ball," say: "Roll the ball on the floor." Instead of: "Don't squeeze the kitten," say: "Hold the kitten gently."
Let children know that mistakes are a natural part of growing up. Everyone (including adults) makes mistakes.
Try to ignore temper tantrums and other negative behavior as much as possible.
Show appreciation when children cooperate, help you, say kind things to other children, obey the rules, and do other positive things.

Remember that learning new skills takes time and practice. Children do not learn new skills all at once.
Respond affectionately when children behave well. Tell children what you like about their behavior.
Let children know that you believe in them and expect them to do well.

References
Personality and Social Psychology Review
National Network for Child Care

Violent Video Games

Do you know about the video games your kids just received for the holidays? Be an educated parent - keep informed. Connect with Kids offers great parenting tips to help you.

Source: Connect with Kids www.connectwithkids.com

Violent Video Games

“You can do anything. Just try to kill him.”

– T.J Trimmer, 12-year-old video game player

12-year-old T. J. Trimmer is playing one of his favorite video games- Mortal Kombat.

The goal, he says simply, is to beat your opponent. “You can do anything,” T.J. says, his fingers frantically manipulating dials and buttons. “Just try to kill him. Like right now I’m attacking this guy with, like, punches and kicks. There are all these special moves that you can use…You attack your opponent….it’ll do more damage to him when you have one of (these) weapons.”

But according to new research from Iowa State University, T.J. isn’t just hurting his opponents.

Researchers studies over 1,500 kids and found that the children who played violent video games were more aggressive afterwards than those who did not.

“They’re not just releasing aggression,” says child psychiatrist Dr. Adolph Casal. “They’re practicing aggression. When we practice something, we get good at it. If we don’t practice something, we don’t get good at it. So spending a considerable amount of time in an aggressive, violent situation on a daily basis, is going to improve our aggression skills.”

Of course, T.J. disagrees. “Like this way, you take your anger out on someone else, but you don’t really take it out on someone. You can take it out on this.”

Experts say parents need to set rules about which games they will allow their children to play and for how long.


Tips for Parents
The video-game industry has undergone a dramatic change since the birth of Super Mario, the happy acrobat who once thrilled children for hours as they played with their Nintendo systems. Today, dark and adult-themed games like Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat are outselling kids’ games. Even Nintendo has switched gears by offering games with edgier subjects like the zombies featured in Resident Evil.

Why has the landscape of the video-game industry undergone such drastic change? Consider these statistics from the Entertainment Software Association:

The average game player is 35 years old and has been playing games for 13 years.
The average age of the most frequent game purchaser is 40 years old.
Forty percent of all game players are women. In fact, women over the age of 18 represent a significantly greater portion of the game-playing population (33 percent) than boys age 17 or younger (18 percent).
In 2008, 26 percent of Americans over the age of 50 played video games, an increase from nine percent in 1999.
Thirty-six percent of heads of households play games on a wireless device, such as a cell phone or PDA, up from 20 percent in 2002.
In its annual report at the end of 2008, the consumer watchdog organization the National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF) gave the video-game industry nearly straight-A’s, with particularly high grades in the rating system and retail policies.

Parents, on the other hand, scored an “incomplete” by NIMF, due mainly to their lack of attention to the ratings system and because most don’t use the parental control features on game consoles.

As a parent, how can you prevent your child from becoming exposed to violent or sexually explicit media? You can start by familiarizing yourself with the video game rating system. The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) rates every video and computer game for age appropriateness (located on the front of the packaging) and, when appropriate, labels games with content descriptions. The ESRB’s current rating standard is as follows:

E: Everyone
T: Teens (13 and older)
M: Mature audiences (17 and older)
AO: Adults only
Children Now, a research and action organization, offers these additional tips for helping you to choose the right video games for your child:

Know your child. Different children handle situations differently. Regardless of age, if your child becomes aggressive or unsettled after playing violent video games, don’t buy games with violence in them. Likewise, if your child likes playing games with characters that look like her or him, purchase games with characters that fit the bill.
Read more than the ratings. While the ESRB ratings can be helpful, they do not tell the whole story. Some features that you may consider violent or sexual may not be labeled as such by the ESRB. In addition, the ESRB does not rate games for the positive inclusion of females or characters of color. The language on the packaging may give you a better idea of the amount and significance of violence and sexuality and the presence of gender and racial diversity or stereotypes in the game.
Go online. The ESRB website provides game ratings as well as definitions of the rating system. In addition, you can visit game maker and distributor websites to learn more about the contents of a game. Some have reviews that will provide even more information about the game.
Rent before you buy. Many video rental stores also rent video games and consoles. Take a trial run before you purchase a game.
Talk to other parents. Find out which games other parents like and dislike as well as which games they let your child play when he or she visits their house. This is a good way to learn about the games that your child enjoys and those that other parents approve of, and to let other parents know which games you do not want your child playing.
Play the games with your child. Know what your child is being exposed to and how he or she reacts to different features in the games.
Talk about what you see. If your child discovers material that he or she finds disturbing or that you find inappropriate, talk about it. This is a great opportunity to let your child know what your values are as well as to help him or her deal with images that may be troubling.
Set limits. If you are worried that your child spends too much time playing video games, limit the amount of time or specify the times of day that video games can be played.
Put the games in a public space. Just as with the Internet, keep your game consoles and computers in public family space so that you can be aware of the material your child is viewing.
Contact the game makers. If you find material that you think is offensive or inappropriate, let the people who make and sell the games know about it. Likewise, let game makers know if you think that a game provides healthy messages or images. They do care what you think!
To make your search easier, the NIMF cites the following video games that are either positive for children or contain negative images for children to avoid:

Positive games for your child:

Guitar Hero World Tour
Rock Band 2
Rock Revolution
Spider-Man: Web of Shadows
Shaun White Snowboard
Games that are inappropriate for your child:

Blitz: The League II
Dead Space
Fallout 3
Far Cry 2
Gears of War 2
Legendary
Left 4 Dead
Resistance 2
Saints Row 2
Silent Hill: Homecoming

References
Children Now
Entertainment Software Rating Board
Federal Trade Commission
Interactive Digital Software Association
Iowa State University
National Institute on Media and the Family

Sue Scheff: More Kids Value Giving

Source: Connect with Kids

“You don’t get paid, but see that’s not the issue really, the issue is just helping out and you have fun while you do it.”

– Vishnu Kuttappan, 16 years old

For years, Vishnu wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a doctor. But after volunteering at a hospital, he’s not so sure. “It’s kind of a battle,” Vishnu says, “between me, you know, sticking to medicine—and I like medicine a lot—or trying something new.”

Vishnu is part of a new trend among teens who volunteer in order not only to help their community, but also to choose a career.

“If you want to go into medicine,” Vishnu says, “you know, you can learn facts all you want, but until you’re in a hospital, you won’t really experience what it’s like.”

Teens say volunteering also teaches them respect and compassion for others.

“You don’t get paid, but see that’s not the issue really, the issue is just helping out and you have fun while you do it.”

Vishnu’s father, Dr. Muthu Kuttappan says, “I think that’s a very encouraging step and I hope other students follow, get a first hand knowledge of what is the real world.”

Experts add that when teens volunteer they are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and are more apt to do well in school.

Hospital Volunteer Coordinator Susan Esslinger says, “Hopefully when they’re 40, 50, 60, 70 years old, they’ll still have that sense of volunteerism in giving back to the community, whether it’s at a hospital or a soup kitchen or whatever the place may be.”

Tips for Parents
While many adults are convinced of a decline in the values and morals of today’s young people, recent surveys show that many teens are giving of their time to work for causes they believe in and to help those that are less fortunate. Teens find volunteer opportunities through religious organizations, school-based programs and community agencies.

There are several reasons why teens choose to volunteer:

Compassion for people in need
Feeling they can do something for a cause in which they believe
A belief that if they help others, others will help them
In addition, some teens volunteer their time in occupational fields in which they are interested. In addition to being helpful, they are able to use their experiences in deciding on future career choices.

Teens reported benefiting from their volunteer experiences in many ways, including:

Learning to respect others
Learning to be helpful and kind
Learning to understand people who are different from them
Developing leadership skills
Becoming more patient
Gaining a better understanding of good citizenship
Exploring or learning about career options
Developing new career goals
Children learn from their parents. The survey showed teens that reported having positive role models were nearly twice as likely to volunteer as those who did not. Encourage your child to volunteer by setting an example.

Youth Service America provides additional ways to increase teen volunteerism:

Ask them to volunteer.
Encourage youth to get involved at an early age. Volunteering when young creates lifelong adult volunteers.
Encourage children and young adults to participate in community groups, faith-based organizations, student government, and school projects.
Encourage a positive self-image so that young people are able to help others and contribute to their communities.
Be a mentor in your community.
Provide young people with opportunities to take courses that include and even require community service.
References
The Higher Education Research Institute
The Independent Sector
Youth Service America

Gateway Drug Theory

Source: Connect with Kids

“The more we study marijuana, the more it begins to look just like every other drug of abuse.”

– Dr. Robert Margolis, a drug addiction specialist

Is marijuana a gateway drug?

“I don’t think so,” 18-year-old Katie Falkenberg says.

“I just have known kids who have done it and they don’t do anything else,” adds Randy Glance 17.

“I don’t think it’s gonna lead them into anything bigger,” 17-year-old Cody McGuire says.

But a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association suggests these teens are wrong.

The study examined 311 sets of twins, with one twin in each set having smoke marijuana before age 17.

“And what they found is that the twin who began smoking marijuana at a much earlier age had a very high increase in the probability that that twin would go on to use other drugs other than marijuana,” says Dr. Robert Margolis, an addiction specialist.

“As for me, it led within about a month period to other drugs,” says Kelly Crockett, 18.

Kelly says smoking pot got her closer to people who used hard drugs.

“And it’s like, ‘Hey, you like the way this made you feel? Try this, you know?’ And I was up for it, you know, part of me was like OK, if I say no, you know they won’t think I’m cool anymore,” she says.

Experts say pot also releases dopamine in the brain, just like harder drugs do.

“So if marijuana triggers the release of dopamine and cocaine triggers the release of dopamine and heroin triggers the release of dopamine, it makes sense that smoking marijuana may be priming the brain, getting the brain ready for these other drugs,” Dr. Margolis says.

But experts say many kids – and their parents – think marijuana is virtually harmless.

“Don’t just say, ‘Oh, it’s only marijuana,’” Dr. Margolis says.

Instead, parents should arm themselves with information from credible sources and send a strong message to kids: Marijuana is illegal, unhealthy and could very well be a gateway to other drugs.

“I know that it is, and anyone that thinks that it isn’t, it’s kind of sad to say this, but wait and find out … you probably will, you know,” Kelly says.

Tips for Parents

Does the early use of marijuana lead to the future abuse of harsher drugs? Australian researchers say the findings from their study of twins is further evidence in support of the “gateway” theory – where the use of “soft” drugs like pot fuels a future desire to seek a more intense “high” by trying stronger drugs.

The study, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, tracked 311 sets of fraternal and identical twins, with each set having one twin who smoked marijuana prior to age 17. Researchers found that the twins who smoked marijuana were two to five times more likely than their siblings to abuse alcohol and harsher drugs, like heroin and cocaine, in their 20s and 30s. In fact, among the early marijuana users, 48% reported using cocaine and other stimulants as adults, 35% tried hallucinogens, 14% used heroin and other opiates, 46% later abused or became dependent on marijuana and 43% became alcohol dependent.

It is important to note, however, that the researchers caution that early marijuana use by no means guarantees abuse of other drugs later on in life. Rather, it is associated with a heightened risk of future abuse.

So how big of a problem is marijuana use during the teen years? According to a recent National Household Survey on Drug Use, 2.7 million Americans aged 12 and older used illicit drugs at least once in the month prior to being surveyed. Of those, the majority, 56.2 said their first drug was marijuana. Consider these additional statistics about marijuana use from the survey:

6 thousand Americans try marijuana for the first time everyday.

The age of first use on average is 17.6 years of age.

Most of the first time users on average were under the age of 18.

Marijuana, the most often used illegal drug in this country, is a green or gray mixture of dried, shredded flowers and leaves of the hemp plant. It is addictive and is known to have both short- and long-term negative effects on the body. The Center for Substance Abuse Prevention cites the following health problems associated with marijuana use:

Short term:

Problems with memory and learning
Distorted perception (sights, sounds, time, touch, etc.)
Trouble with thinking and problem-solving
Loss of coordination
Increased heart rate and anxiety
Long term:

Cancer: Smoking one joint is equivalent to smoking a whole pack of cigarettes.

Lungs and airways: Breathing problems include coughing, wheezing and a greater risk of lung infections.

Immune system: Continued use weakens the immune system, placing an individual at greater risk of sickness.

Reproductive system: Using marijuana increases testosterone levels in women and decreases testosterone levels in men, presents a risk of infertility in women and for men, it delays the onset of puberty and leads to decreased sperm production and quality.

How can you recognize if your teen is using marijuana? The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) suggests looking for the following physical signs in your teen:

Seems dizzy and has trouble walking
Seems silly and giggles for no reason
Has very red, bloodshot eyes
Has a hard time remembering things that just happened
Becomes very sleepy as the early effects of use begin to fade
The NIDA says that you should also be aware of the following changes in behavior that may indicate marijuana use in your teen:

Withdrawal
Depression
Fatigue
Carelessness with grooming
Hostility and deteriorating relationships with family members and friends
Changes in academic performance
Increased absenteeism or truancy
Lost interest in sports or other favorite activities
Changes in eating or sleeping habits
Signs of drugs and drug paraphernalia, including pipes and rolling papers
Odor on clothes and in the bedroom
Use of incense and other deodorizers
Increased use of eye drops
Clothing, posters, jewelry, etc., promoting drug use

If you suspect that your teen has a drug problem, it is important that you seek immediate treatment. Consult a psychiatrist or mental health professional when making decisions about substance abuse treatment for your teen. Remember that recovery from an addiction is a long-term process and may require frequent and multiple episodes of treatment.

As a parent, you have the most influence over your teen’s choice to use drugs. Therefore, it is important that you address the topic of drug use early on and often. Don’t wait until your teen has a problem with drugs before you bring up the discussion. The Partnership for a Drug-Free America offers these additional strategies for preventing drug use in your teen:

Be involved in your teen’s life. Ask who, what, when and where: Know who your teen’s friends are, what your teen is doing, when he or she will be home and where he or she is going.
Spend quality time with your teen. Eat dinner together, listen to music, watch a ball game or share chores.
Set a firm rule of no drug use in your family.
Commit yourself to a drug-free lifestyle. You are your teen’s most important role model. He or she notices everything you do.
Share your values with your teen. Sometimes it’s as simple as letting your teen know that you don’t want him or her using marijuana.

References
Center for Substance Abuse Prevention
Journal of the American Medical Association
National Household Survey on Drug Use
National Institute on Drug Abuse
Partnership for a Drug-Free America

Gay Harassment

Source: Connect with Kids

“People would push me into lockers or trip me in the hallways or throw rocks at me inside the school or throw trash at me.”

– Josh, 15 years old

Fifteen-year-old Josh is gay. He’s so afraid of bullies that he’s asked us not to show his face or reveal his full name.

“People would push me into lockers or trip me in the hallways or throw rocks at me inside the school or throw trash at me,” he recalls.

Josh is not alone. According to a report from the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), nine out of 10 gay teenagers are harassed at school.

Josh was and that’s why he decided to tell his parents the truth.

“I’m gay,” he told them. “I’m getting harassed. I’m very scared in school right now—please make it stop.”

Marnie Lynch, Josh’s mom, says, “I don’t know that I can even describe the pain that I felt.”

Josh’s parents felt hurt, angry and scared.

“What my worst fear was, is that yes, he could be brutally beaten or killed because of his sexual orientation,” Lynch says.

But experts say there are ways to prevent violence against gay and lesbian students.

“It’s very important that all youth who are being harassed let the (school) administration know about it somehow, whether it’s through their parents or going directly to the administrator, or telling a teacher about it,” says Steve Epstein, a counselor who works with gay teens.

Epstein says that Josh’s parents did the right thing. They demanded action from the school’s principal and soon afterwards, the bullying ended.

“You should be able to do and be whomever you want to be,” Josh says, “and not have to endure harassment and pain and struggles from other people.”

Tips for Parents

Sexual orientation in adolescents has previously been linked to increased rate of victimization. Previous studies have found that those students who identified themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual had a disproportionate risk for problem behaviors, including suicide and victimization. A study by Penn State found that risk is even greater when those kids feel rejected at school.

The recent survey showed that homosexual adolescents were nearly twice as likely as straight adolescents to report a history of violent attacks and witnessing violence. In addition, gay and lesbian youth were reported to be 2.5 times more likely to report that they had taken part in violence themselves. Bisexual adolescents reported no increased levels of perpetrating violence, but were more likely than heterosexual adolescents to report witnessing violence or being victimized.

The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) cautions parents that “gay and lesbian teens can become depressed, socially isolated, withdrawn from activities and friends, have trouble concentrating, and develop low self-esteem. They may also develop depression.” It is important for parents of gay and lesbian teens to understand their teen’s sexual orientation and provide support. The AACAP encourages parents and family members to seek understanding and support from organizations such as Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).

The American Psychological Association provides these tips for teens who fear they may be a target of violence:


Above all, be safe. Don’t spend time alone with people who show warning signs of violence, such as those with a history of frequent physical fights, and those who have announced threats or plans for hurting others.

Tell someone you trust and respect about your concerns and ask for help ( a family member, guidance counselor, teacher, school physiologist, coach, clergy, or friend).
Get someone to protect you. Do not resort to violence or use a weapon to protect yourself.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
American Psychological Association
American Public Health Association
Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
Pediatrics
Penn State University

Keeping Teens From Cheating

Source: Connect with Kids

“You see it everywhere, you see it on the websites, all of these paper mills - places where you can buy papers, [there are] a variety of ways you can cheat, huge variety of ways. [And many teens think] ‘Well, if it’s so widespread, how could it be so wrong?’”

– Hal Thorsrud, Ph.D, assistant professor of philosophy, Agnes Scott College

“Hi YouTube, it’s me Kiki,” says a young teenage girl staring into her web camera. “Today I’m going to show you guys how to cheat on a test … the effective way.”

This video on YouTube, that had over 100,000 hits in the first week after it was posted, is a tutorial for cheating.

“I know it’s not a good thing to cheat,” Kiki continues, “it’s like academic dishonesty blah, blah, blah … but you know, everyone, I think everyone has at least done it once.”

Kids know cheating is wrong, but still they do it. Why?

“Sometimes the teacher doesn’t give us enough time on our work and we run out of time,” says one girl, “and we have no where else to go.”

“Students do it because they, like, don’t really care and they just want to get it done,” says another girl, “so they can go play and stuff.”

17-year-old Pat Foster says he cheated on a class assignment. “It was almost like second nature,” he says. “Not that I do it all the time, but you got to get it done. You don’t want to get a bad grade, you’re missing a couple of answers - here, scribble it down real quick.”

The problem was his teacher saw the whole thing.

“She looked down at my papers and asked me what I was doing. I looked up - I mean, I knew I was caught.”

He got detention, a one-day suspension and a zero on the assignment.

Did he learn a valuable lesson?

“You kind of learn to work the system,” Pat says. “Basically, by the time you’re a sophomore or junior you know the system and how to get around it. I mean, I know - I do try and do my homework. But if I’m going to cheat – quote-unquote cheat - I’ll do that before I get into class, instead of sitting right there in class where it’s very noticeable.”

Experts say parents need to teach their children that grades are simply one measure of learning – and that a good grade means nothing if you cheated.

“You’re ignoring that fact that you’re not really achieving anything,” says Hal Thorsrud, an assistant professor of philosophy. “It’s not an achievement to get a paper off of an Internet website. So, the best, I suppose the best way to confront the plagiarism problem in the long run is to really focus on the value of education. Just remove the desire to cheat, because you’re not going to remove the means.”

12-year-old Jessica Maledy says her parents have taught her the difference. “I think that you cheat yourself and you cheat everyone else when you cheat,” she says. “You’re using someone else’s credit, so you cheat both that person and yourself - cause it’s not your own work.”

Back in her bedroom, looking into her webcam, Kiki acknowledges that what she’s posting online is probably wrong and may get her in some trouble, “Hopefully my teachers do not see this video, cause that would be very awkward.”

Tips for Parents

A recent edition of the “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth,” a comprehensive national survey on the ethics of young people administered by The Josephson Institute of Ethics showed the following concerning high school students:

Nearly two-thirds (71 percent) admit they cheated on an exam at least once in the past 12 months (45 percent said they did so two or more times)
Almost all (92 percent) lied to their parents in the past 12 months (79 percent said they did so two or more times)
Over two-thirds (78 percent) lied to a teacher (58 percent two or more times)
Over one-quarter (27 percent) said they would lie to get a job
Forty percent of males and 30 percent of females say they stole something from a store in the past 12 months

These statistics seem to be indicative of a drift away from the morals and values that parents traditionally associate with society in the United States. In the press release accompanying the preliminary result of the survey, Michael Josephson, founder and president of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and CHARACTER COUNTS!, called on politicians to recognize the vital importance of dealing with “shocking levels of moral illiteracy” as part of any educational reform package. Saying the survey data reveals “a hole in the moral ozone,” Josephson added: “Being sure children can read is certainly essential, but it is no less important that we deal with the alarming rate of cheating, lying and violence that threatens the very fabric of our society.”

When discussing issues of morality and values, how can a parent illustrate what it means to be a person of character? The Center for the 4th and 5th R’s provides the following examples of characteristics of an individual with a positive character. For example, a person of character …
Is trustworthy:

Honesty – Tell the truth. Be sincere. Don’t deceive, mislead or be devious or tricky. Don’t betray a trust. Don’t withhold important information in relationships of trust. Don’t steal. Don’t cheat.
Integrity – Stand up for your beliefs about right and wrong. Be your best self. Resist social pressures to do things you think are wrong. Walk your talk. Show commitment, courage and self-discipline.

Promise-keeping – Keep your word. Honor your commitments. Pay your debts. Return what you borrow.

Loyalty – Stand by, support, and protect your family, friends, employers, community and country. Don’t talk behind people’s backs, spread rumors, or engage in harmful gossip. Don’t violate other ethical principles to keep or win a friendship or gain approval. Don’t ask a friend to do something wrong.

Treats all people with respect:

Respect – Be courteous and polite. Judge all people on their merits. Be tolerant, appreciative and accepting of individual differences. Don’t abuse, demean or mistreat anyone. Don’t use, manipulate, exploit or take advantage of others. Respect the right of individuals to make decisions about their own lives.
Acts responsibly:

Accountability – Think before you act. Consider the possible consequences on all people affected by actions. Think for the long-term. Be reliable. Be accountable. Accept responsibility for the consequences of your choices. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame others for your mistakes or take credit for others’ achievements. Set a good example for those who look up to you.

Pursue excellence – Do your best with what you have. Keep trying. Don’t quit or give up easily. Be diligent and industrious.

Self-control – Exercise self-control. Be disciplined.

Is fair and just:

Fairness – Treat all people fairly. Be open-minded. Listen to others and try to understand what they are saying and feeling. Make decisions which affect others only on appropriate considerations. Don’t take unfair advantage of others’ mistakes. Don’t take more than your fair share.
Is caring:

Caring and kindness – Show you care about others through kindness, caring, sharing and compassion. Live by the Golden Rule. Help others. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be mean, cruel or insensitive to other’s feelings. Be charitable.
Is a good citizen:

Citizenship – Play by the rules. Obey laws. Do your share. Respect authority. Stay informed. Vote. Protect your neighbors and community. Pay your taxes. Be charitable and altruistic. Help your community or school by volunteering service. Protect the environment. Conserve natural resources.
According to experts at CHARACTER COUNTS!, character building is most effective when you regularly see and seize opportunities to …

Strengthen awareness of moral obligations and the moral significance of choices (ethical consciousness).

Enhance the desire to do the right thing (ethical commitment).

Improve the ability to foresee potential consequences, devise options and implement principled choices (ethical competency).

When trying to instill morals and values to your child, experts at CHARACTER COUNTS! say it is important to …

Be consistent – The moral messages you send must be clear, consistent and repetitive. Children will judge your values not by what you say but by what you do and what you permit them to do. They will judge you not by your best moments but by your last worst act. Thus, everything you say and do, and all that you allow to be said and done in your presence, either reinforces or undermines the credibility of your messages about the importance of good character. Over and over, use the specific language of the core virtues – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship – and be as firm and consistent as you can be about teaching, advocating, modeling and enforcing these “Six Pillars of Character.” When you are tired, rushed or under pressure you are most tempted to rationalize. It may help to remember that the most powerful and lasting lessons about character are taught by making tough choices when the cost of doing the right thing is high.

Be concrete – Messages about good attitudes, character traits and conduct should be explicit, direct and specific. Building character and teaching ethics is not an academic undertaking; it must be relevant to the lives and experiences of your children. Talk about character and choices in situations that your children have been in. Comment on and discuss things their friends and teachers have done in terms of the “Six Pillars of Character.”

Be creative – Effective character development should be creative. It should be active and involve the child in real decision-making that has real consequences (such as teaching responsibility through allocating money from an allowance or taking care of a pet). Games and role-playing are also effective. Look for “teaching moments,” using good and bad examples from television, movies and the news.

References
The Josephson Institute of Ethics
CHARACTER COUNTS!
Center for the 4th and 5th R’s
“Turn It In” Plagiarism Prevention Program
National Education Association

Getting Teens to Talk

I speak with parents frequently and the most common problems I hear is the lack of communication with their teenagers today. Connect with Kids has a great article to help you break through this communication barrier with some great tips and ideas in dealing with your teens.

Source: Connect with Kids

"You can push too much and that’ll shut the child down. So it’s a fine balance: Be available, be a good listener, and also know when you do need to push in case they’re into some things that they shouldn’t be.”

– Gloria Meaux, Ph.D., psychologist

How much do teenagers tell their parents?

“I hardly share anything with my parents,” says 16-year-old Derek Kelley.

“I share very little with my parents,” says 18-year-old Tyler Wichelhaus.

And Jessie Donaghy gives an example of a question she hates: “How was your day?”

“When you’ve had a horrible day, you just feel like people at school are mad at you,” she says. “Your classes went horribly, you failed a test. It can almost be an insult without them knowing it, because it just seems insensitive.”

Experts say parents are better served asking about something specific: school projects coming up, weekend plans with a friend, or a test that the child may be worried about

“The specific questions, you’ll get more bang for your buck if you want them to communicate back to you than some general question that you could ask a stranger on the street,” says Dr. Meaux.

“Sometimes she’ll be like ‘so how is that situation going with this person’ and I’ll just burst out crying,” says Jessie.

Experts say it starts by being easy to talk to. “You’re sort of the approachable parent, that you listen more than you talk, and listening is the hard thing,” says Dr. Meaux.

And once they truly believe you’re listening, experts say they’ll open up more.

“The more talking they’ll do because they’ll be open,” says Licensed Clinical Social Worker Freddie Wilson. “[They’ll be more open if they feel] you’re open to hearing what I’m saying rather than talking and giving them solutions and solving their problems for them. They want someone to hear them.”

And knowing when your child really needs your ear comes from getting to know your child.

“I’ll look at her and I’ll say ‘You look like you’re down, did something happen?’ Yea. Was it so and so? Yea,” explains Mrs. Donaghy.

“It helps to know that she cares and that she’s actually wanting to know about things,” says Jessie.

Tips for Parents

While the teenage years can be a very frustrating time for parents and teenagers alike, no secret formula exists for talking to teens. But the Harvard School of Public Health’s Parenting Project, which conducted extensive research on parenting teens, found that “significant agreement” exists among experts regarding important basic principles for opening the communication lines.

The project’s most recent report highlights the basics of raising and communicating with your teenagers and includes a list of strategies for each. In the report, Dr. Rae Simpson says parents need to “love and connect” with their teen.

“Teens need parents to develop and maintain a relationship with them that offers support and acceptance,” Dr. Simpson writes, “while accommodating and affirming the teen’s increasing maturity.”

According to the report, you can connect with your teen by following these suggestions:

Watch for moments when you feel and can express genuine affection, respect and appreciation for your teen.
Acknowledge the good times made possible by your teen’s personality and growth.



Expect increased criticism and debate and strengthen your skills for discussing those ideas and disagreements in ways that respect both your teen’s opinions and your own.



Spend time just listening to your teen’s thoughts and feelings about his or her fears, concerns, interests, ideas, perspectives, activities, jobs, schoolwork and relationships.



Treat each teen as a unique individual distinct from siblings, stereotypes, his or her past or your own past.
Appreciate and acknowledge each teen’s new areas of interest, skills, strengths and accomplishments, as well as the positive aspects of adolescence generally, such as its passion, vitality, humor and deepening intellectual thought.

Provide meaningful roles for your teen in the family, ones that are genuinely useful and important to the family’s well being.

Spend time together one-on-one and as a family, continuing some familiar family routines, while also taking advantage of ways in which new activities, such as community volunteering, can offer alternative ways to connect.

By respecting and loving your teenager, you open the lines of communication and build a supportive and trusting environment so that your child feels comfortable opening up to you.

Dr. Simpson offers this key message to parents: “Most things about [your teen’s] world are changing. Don’t let your love be one of them.”

Research has shown that while teenagers want their freedom, they also appreciate their parents showing concern for them and being interested in their daily activities. Experts have listed guidelines for parents to set for their teenagers while still allowing them room to grow.

Monitor what your teen watches on television.
Monitor what your teen does on the Internet.
Put restrictions on the music your teen purchases.
Know where your teen spends his or her time after school and on the weekends.
Expect to be told the truth by your teen about where he or she is going.
Be “very aware” of your teen’s academic performance.
Impose a curfew.
Eat dinner with your teen six or seven nights a week.
Turn off the television during family meals.
Assign your teen regular chores.
By setting some or all of these rules, you will be in control and have a working knowledge of your teen’s activities, while still allowing them to make their own choices and decisions.

References
Bonus Families
Families are Talking
The Media Project
Focus on the Family

Sue Scheff: Too Much Homework!

Source: Connect with Kids


“Some nights we have really big assignments, and I’m up at least one-and-a-half hours past my bedtime. It’s just a lot of stress.”

– Sarah, 12 years old

Homework used to drive 12-year-old Sarah crazy.

“I was just getting really upset at night because I wanted to go to bed, but I knew I had to stay up, and I was frightened that I was going to forget something or not do something and they’d yell at you in class,” she says.

Finally, a group of parents at Sarah’s school said “enough!”

"The parents said, 'The students can’t handle it [the homework],'" explains Deborah Hannah, Sarah’s mother. “And so the school came in and they changed their policy and that lowered the amount of time the kids have for homework.”

The issue is balance. According to research from the University of Missouri, high school students who do their homework outperform those who don’t by 69% on standardized tests.

“[But] there are situations where there’s simply too much homework,” says Dr. Frank Pajares, an educational studies professor at Emory University.

So how much homework is too much? And how can a parent tell if his or her child is overwhelmed by the amount?

“That child is a tired child,” Dr. Pajares says. “That child is working longer than that child should, that child is lessening her activities; she’s giving up activities in order to do homework.”

These children become tired, frustrated and stressed, leaving them no time for friends or fun. They “begin to develop a lot of inner tension and inner pressure and a great deal of anxiety,” Dr. Pajares says.

Experts say that parents can help by talking to teachers while at the same time encouraging their children not to procrastinate. Another bit of advice: Watch your kids carefully for signs of homework overload.

Sarah describes it this way: “When your back starts hurting from bringing home all the books, and you hate going to school and you hate all your teachers, then I think it’s too much.”

Tips for Parents

According to a study conducted by a professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia, homework lengths for today’s kids have steadily increased over the past two decades. In fact, children today are possibly seeing the largest amount of homework in U.S. history. The latest numbers from the U.S. Department of Education reveal that 70% of 13-year-olds spend at least an hour a day on homework, up from 40% in 1982. And now many parents are worried that this homework overload will cause their children to experience high levels of stress with which they are unequipped to cope.

Why do teachers assign homework in the first place? Homework helps students review and practice what they have learned, prepare for the next day’s class, use resources, such as libraries and reference materials, and investigate topics more fully than time allows in the classroom. Consider the following statistics about the link between homework and academic success, according to the National Parent Information Network:

Students in high school who receive homework outperform those who do not receive homework by 69%. Time spent on homework outside of school had greater effects than time spent studying at school. Achievement effects increased according to the amount of time spent on homework.
Students in junior high who receive homework outperform those who do not receive homework by 35%. Homework was more effective than in-school supervised study. Achievement effects increased as time spent on homework increased to two hours, but more than two hours spent on homework did not increase achievement.
Students in elementary school who receive homework perform no differently than those who do not. In-school supervised study had a greater impact on achievement than homework, and achievement did not increase if they spent more time on homework. This finding does not mean that elementary school students should not receive homework; rather, parents should not expect homework to affect achievement. At this level, homework is important because it promotes good study habits and positive attitudes toward school and because homework makes it clear to the student that learning can also take place outside of the school environment.
While homework is intended to improve academic achievement, studies show that too much homework becomes counterproductive after a certain amount of time. In order for homework to aid performance, the National PTA recommends that educators stick to the following guidelines for assigning homework:

For children in grades K-2, homework is more effective when it does not exceed 10 to 20 minutes each school day.
Older children, in grades 3-6, can handle 30 to 60 minutes a day.
In junior and senior high school, the amount of homework will vary by subject. Most older students will also have homework projects, such as research papers and oral reports, that may have deadlines weeks away. They may need help organizing assignments and planning work times to make sure homework is ready to turn in on time. In general, these students should receive no more than two hours of homework per night.
No matter how much homework your child is bringing home nightly, you can take several steps to help him or her use his or her time more efficiently. Through its No Child Left Behind Act, the U.S. Department of Education offers these homework tips for families:

Make sure your child has a quiet, well-lit place to do his or her homework. Avoid having your child do homework with the television on or in places with other distractions, such as people coming and going.
Make sure the materials your child needs, such as paper, pencils and a dictionary, are available. Ask your child if special materials will be needed for some projects, and get them in advance.
Help your child with time management. Establish a set time each day for doing homework. Don’t let your child leave homework until just before bedtime. Think about using a weekend morning or afternoon for working on big projects, especially if the project involves getting together with classmates.
Be positive about homework. Tell your child how important school is. The attitude you express about homework will be the attitude your child acquires.
When your child does homework, you do homework. Show your child that the skills they are learning are related to tasks you perform as an adult. If your child is reading, you should read, too. If your child is doing math, balance your checkbook.
When your child asks for help, provide guidance, not answers. Giving answers means your child will not learn the material. Too much help teaches your child that when the going gets rough, someone will do the work for him or her.
When the teacher asks that you play a role in homework, do it. Cooperate with the teacher. It shows your child that the school and home are a team. Follow the directions given by the teacher.
If homework is meant to be done by your child alone, stay away. Too much parent involvement can prevent homework from having some positive effects. Homework is a great way for kids to develop independent, lifelong learning skills.
Stay informed. Talk with your child’s teacher. Make sure you know the purpose of homework and what your child’s class rules are.
Help your child distinguish between hard homework and easy homework. Have your child do the hard work first. This will mean he or she will be most alert when facing the biggest challenges. Easy material will seem to go fast when fatigue occurs.
Watch your child for signs of failure and frustration. Let your child take a short break if he or she is having trouble keeping his or her mind on an assignment.
Reward progress in homework. If your child has been successful in homework completion and is working hard, celebrate that success with a special event (e.g., pizza, a walk or a trip to the park) to reinforce the positive effort.
Often, your child may become overwhelmed by the abundance of homework he or she is assigned. Therefore, it is important for you to be able to spot the common signs indicating that your child is overstressed about his or her schoolwork, cited by the Educational Resources Information Center (ERIC):

Loses perspective and sense of humor, and is no longer excited or happy about school, activities, achievements or friends
Resents parents, teachers or new assignments
Is bored, tired and listless
Suffers from sleeplessness, or has difficulty waking up
Overreacts to everyday events, and often feels “trapped” or out of control
Develops nervous habits like stuttering, blinking or head shaking
Complains of ailments, headaches, stomachaches or is frequently ill
Needs constant support and reassurance
Acts out aggressively and seeks attention
Is just plain exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally
If you notice any of these signs, you can begin to help your child cope with his or her homework stress by teaching him or her the following strategies from ERIC:

Take a break. When stress levels begin to peak, schedule time outs for fun during which your child can put away the books, go for a walk or a run, listen to mindless music or shoot hoops.
Work for personal satisfaction.
Confront the source of stress. Suggest skills that make tasks easier. Help your child organize and prioritize his or her workload. Encourage your child to seek creative solutions to his or her homework problems.
Exercise and eat well. Physical activity burns off muscle tension built up from burying stress. Eating good meals with enjoyable friends and family should be a daily treat.
If you think your child is receiving too much homework and your efforts to help have not produced successful results, it may be time for you to contact your child’s school. The U.S. Department of Education provides the following guidelines for discussing homework concerns with the teacher:

Talk with teachers early in the school year. Get acquainted before problems arise, and let teachers know that you want to be kept informed. Most elementary schools and many secondary schools invite parents to come to parent-teacher conferences or open houses. If your child’s school doesn’t provide such opportunities, call the teacher to set up a meeting.
Contact the teacher as soon as you suspect your child has a homework problem (as well as when you think he or she is having any major problems with his or her schoolwork). Schools have a responsibility to keep parents informed, and you have a right to be upset if you don’t find out until report-card time that your child is having difficulties. On the other hand, sometimes parents figure out that a problem exists before the teacher does. By alerting the teacher, you can work together to solve a problem in its early stages.
Request a meeting with the teacher to discuss homework problems. Tell the teacher briefly why you want to meet. You might say, “Rachel is having trouble with her math homework. I’m worried about why she can’t finish the problems and what we might do to help her.” Parents for whom English is a second language may need to make special arrangements, such as including another person who is bilingual.
Approach the teacher with a cooperative spirit. Believe that the teacher wants to help you and your child, even if you disagree about something. It is difficult to solve problems if teachers and parents view each other as enemies.
While meeting with the teacher, explain what you think the problem is. Also, tell the teacher if you don’t know what is going on. Sometimes a child’s version of what’s going on is not the same as the teacher’s version. For example, your child may tell you that the teacher never explains assignments so he or she can understand them. But the teacher may tell you that your child is not paying attention when assignments are given.
Make sure communication is clear. Listen to the teacher and don’t leave until you are sure you understand what is being said. Make sure, too, that the teacher understands what you have to say. If, after the meeting, you realize you don’t understand something, call the teacher to double-check.
Follow up to make sure that the approach you agreed to is working. If the teacher told you, for example, that your child needs to spend more time practicing long division, check back in a month to talk about your child’s progress.
References
Educational Resources Information Center
National Parent Information Network
National PTA
No Child Left Behind Act
University of Missouri-Columbia
U.S. Department of Education

ADHD Over-Diagnosed

Source Connect with Kids

Looking at her sitting quietly, reading intently; no one would ever think that ten year old Samantha had attention problems. But last year was a different story. Her grades dropped suddenly. She got distracted in class and she struggled to keep up with all of her 4th grade assignments. Her teacher suggested she get tested for ADHD: Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. So her mom took her to a doctor for testing.

“She told me she was borderline ADHD and we were going to go ahead and treat her with 5 milligrams of Adderall,” says Connie Hodges, Samantha’s mother.

Both Samantha and her mom were unhappy with the results. “It was upsetting me because it was like she was drunk. She was moving really slow and just lethargic – just not Samantha,” says Hodges. And Samantha herself agrees. She wasn’t her normal energetic, active self. “It made me just want to sit down in one place,” she says.

So her mom took her to see a specialist for more tests. Dr. Thomas Burns, Director of Neuropsychology at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta did the testing himself. “We did full cognitive battery of tests to rule out some of those other areas like learning disabilities or behavior problems. She did very well in testing – performed within the expected range – no evidence of any cognitive impairment. And from what I saw, at least in a one-on-one setting, she was certainly able to hold her attention and perform really well,” he says.

Burns says Samantha doesn’t have ADHD and that often, kids are diagnosed with the disorder when, in fact, their attention problems are symptoms of something else.

“It’s important to rule out the learning problems, the emotional, behavioral issues, adjustment concerns – whether it’s a change to a new school, or there might be changes in the family - divorces, deaths – things like that,” he says.

Samantha was easily distracted and had trouble keeping up with multiple assignments. Dr. Burns and her teachers have taught her how to get organized, focus, and complete tasks one at a time.

Samantha says, “They help me learn how to take the right notes and learn how to study right.”

Her mother adds, “I worked with her teacher and her counselor at school. She has taught Samantha how to organize her – not only her book bag, her desk, but her thoughts.”

And it’s working … without medication.

“I’m me again,” says Samantha.

“She’s not struggling like she was last year. She doesn’t hate school anymore. She’s not even the same child she was last year,” says her mother.

Tips for Parents

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, ADHD occurs in 3 to 5 percent of school age children. The following are given as symptoms of ADHD:

Inattention
Distractibility
Impulsivity
Excessive talking
Impatience
A tendency to interrupt or intrude on others
In addition, researchers found that boys with ADHD move two to three times as much and cover four times as much area as normal boys. Girls with ADHD move as frequently but their movements cover a smaller area.

What Parents Need to Know

Since judging the symptoms of ADHD can be very subjective, some children may be diagnosed with ADHD without actually having the disorder. A recent study suggests that parents’ and physicians’ preconceived notions about children’s behavior may interfere with the identification and diagnosis of ADHD and other disorders.

Because this possibility exists, it is very important to find a good pediatrician who will properly diagnose your child and around whom you and your child will feel very comfortable. Experts at BJC HealthCare and Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta suggest keeping the following points in mind when choosing a pediatrician:

Are you more comfortable with a doctor who is no-nonsense and businesslike, or do you need more handholding?

Would you prefer a doctor who sets aside a particular time each day to take phone calls or would you rather contact the office when questions arise and have the doctor return your call between patient visits?

Do you prefer a male or a female pediatrician?

Is age a factor for you? Are you more comfortable dealing with an older or younger doctor?

Are the office hours convenient for you? Do you need evening or weekend hours?

Is the office conveniently located?

How are after-hours calls and emergencies handled?

Do you want a doctor who is board certified or board eligible in pediatrics? (Board eligibility means the doctor has completed training at an accredited medical school and residency program. Board certification in pediatrics means the doctor has completed not only the accredited training but also specialized examinations in pediatric medicine every seven years.)

When you have narrowed down your list of potential pediatricians, you may wish to interview each candidate. This will give you a chance to learn as much as possible about the pediatrician and to evaluate your level of comfort with him/her. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta suggests asking the following questions during your interview:

How many doctors are in your group?
Has the size of your group changed recently?
What are the special interests of the doctors in your group?
Do you use nurse practitioners? If so, what are their roles?
If your office is very busy and my child needs to be seen today, what is your policy? Will I have a primary doctor, or do I see whoever is handling sick patients that day?
How are calls for advice handled during office hours? What about during evening and weekend hours? What is your philosophy of providing care via the telephone?
What are your average waiting times for scheduling a routine visit? What about after arrival at the scheduled time?
What is your philosophy about discipline? Medication use? Antibiotic use?
How do you handle payment for services?
Will you assist me in evaluating doctors recommended by my health plan?
Until what age will you continue to see my child?
Do you refer only to pediatric specialists?
Do all of the doctors in your group participate in my insurance company or managed care plan’s provider network?
Are you still accepting new patients for my managed care plan?
Once you make your decision, you can take several steps to get the most out of your relationship with your new pediatrician. BJC HealthCare suggests following these rules to make your parent-pediatrician relationship a success:

Know your child’s medications and administer them as prescribed.
Come back for a return visit when you are asked to come back.
Make sure your child is up-to-date on all immunizations.
If you have questions, it might be helpful to write them down and take them with you to the next office visit.
Listen to your pediatrician and take notes if necessary.

Ask questions.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta
BJC Healthcare
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Inactive Teens by Connect with Kids

“Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

– Tori, 16 years old

They run and play and participate in all sorts of sports. But what happens when little kids become teens?

“After a while, you just become like a couch potato,” says Tori, 16.

When she was a cheerleader in middle school, Tori got plenty of exercise. Now she’s 16, and she admits she hasn’t exercised regularly in years.

“I’m not physically fit,” she says. “I mean, I’m skinny, but I guess it’s just because I have a fast metabolism. But physically fit? Noooo!”

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association followed more than one thousand children aged 9 to 15.

97% were active when they were 9-years-old, but by the time they were 15, only 31% of teens were meeting the recommended sixty minutes of vigorous physical activity during the week. And only 17% met that target on the weekend.

The older they got, the less they exercised!

Experts speculate, for some it’s just laziness, for other, interests change, or they’re simply too busy.

Tori agrees: “School starts to get harder, and you get more homework, and you want to spend more time with your friends and you need more sleep.”

Still, experts warn that teens must find a way to remain active otherwise they risk becoming obese or sick later in life. Parents can help by getting involved in activities with their children.

“Whether it’s running and pulling a kite in the wind or going out throwing a Frisbee or going for a walk with your dog, if you incorporate those things, you’re just gonna have a better quality of life,” says Jon Crosby, an Atlanta-based sports and fitness trainer.

Tori’s advice to fellow teens: “Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

Tips for Parents
Many studies have found similar results to the UC- San Diego study. University of Pittsburgh researchers report that as girls age, they increasingly get less and less exercise. In their study, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, the researchers evaluated the exercise habits of 1,213 black girls and 1,166 white girls for 10 years, beginning at age 9 or 10. By the time the girls were 16 or 17, nearly 56% of the black girls and nearly 31% of the white girls reported no regular exercise participation at all outside of school.

While this study focused on teenage girls, other research shows that participation in physical activity is decreasing among all American children. The National Association for Sport & Physical Education reports that only 25% of all U.S. kids are physically active. And while most parents believe that their children are getting enough exercise during school hours, the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports (PCPFS) says that only 17% of middle or junior high schools and 2% of senior high schools require daily physical activity for all students.

As a result of this physical inactivity, more and more children are becoming obese. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 13% of children aged 6 to 11 and 18% of teens aged 12 to 19 are overweight. These same overweight adolescents also have a 70% chance of becoming overweight or obese adults and are at an increased risk for developing health problems, such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and some forms of cancer. In fact, the PCPFS reports that physical inactivity contributes to 300,000 preventable deaths a year in the United States.

Besides preventing the onset of certain diseases, regular physical exercise can also help your child in the following ways, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

Helps control weight
Helps build and maintain healthy bones, muscles and joints
Improves flexibility
Helps burn off stress
Promotes psychological well-being
Reduces feelings of depression and anxiety
As a parent, you need to emphasize to your child the importance of physical activity. This can often be a difficult task, as you may encounter some resistance from a child who enjoys sedentary activities like watching television and surfing the Internet. The American Council on Exercise (ACE) recommends the following guidelines for easing your child into an active lifestyle:

Don’t just tell your child that exercise is fun; show him or her! Get off the couch and go biking, rock climbing or inline skating with your child. Skip rope or shoot baskets with him or her.
Invite your child to participate in vigorous household tasks, such as tending the garden, washing the car or raking leaves. Demonstrate the value of these chores as quality physical activity.
Plan outings and activities that involve some walking, like a trip to the zoo, a nature hike or even a trip to the mall.
Set an example for your child and treat exercise as something to be done on a regular basis, like brushing your teeth or cleaning your room.
Concentrate on the positive aspects of exercise. It can be a chance for your family to have some fun together. Avoid competition, discipline and embarrassment, which can turn good times into bad times. Praise your child for trying and doing.
Keep in mind that your child is not always naturally limber. His or her muscles may be tight and vulnerable to injury during growth spurts. Be sure to include stretching as part of your child’s fitness activities.
Exercise and nutrition go hand in hand. Instead of high-calorie foods and snacks, turn your child on to fruits and low- or non-fat foods.
If you discover that your teen is having trouble staying motivated to exercise, the American Academy of Family Physicians suggests these strategies:

Choose an activity that your child likes to do. Make sure it suits him or her physically, too.
Encourage your child to get a partner. Exercising with a friend can make it more fun.
Tell your child to vary his or her routine. Your child may be less likely to get bored or injured if he or she changes his or her exercise routine. Your child could walk one day and bicycle the next.
Ensure that your child is active during a comfortable time of day. Don’t allow him or her to work out too soon after eating or when it’s too hot or cold outside. And make sure your child drinks plenty of fluids to stay hydrated during physical activity.
Remind your child not to get discouraged. It can take weeks or months before he or she notices some of the changes from and benefits of exercise.
Tell your child to forget “no pain, no gain.” While a little soreness is normal after your child first starts exercising, pain isn’t. He or she should stop if hurt.
With a little encouragement and help from you, your child will be up and moving in no time!

References
American Academy of Family Physicians
American Council on Exercise
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association for Sport & Physical Education
Office of the Surgeon General
President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports
The New England Journal of Medicine

HIV Complacency By Connect with Kids

“The HIV and AIDS education prevention message is not being delivered to youth in a way that motivates them to change behaviors.”

– Edward Gray, Ed.D., commenting on the rise of HIV infection rates among young people

Qaadir has friends who are gay… so does Wesley. But when it comes to HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, many kids don’t seem concerned.

“Most kids my age, they don’t think HIV is a serious problem,” says Wesley, 14.

“There’s medicines for this disease and…for this disease…for that one, and they’re not thinking if they catch this it might be a lifelong thing,” adds 15-year-old Qaadir.

In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control, after years of decline, the number of AIDS cases among people ages 15 to 24 has risen 15 percent in the last five years.

“It’s a very alarming trend,” says Dr. Edward Gray, professor of counseling.

As medications have allowed people with HIV to live longer, healthier lives, the image kids have of the virus isn’t someone dying, but instead, someone who appearsto be living a healthy, normal life.

“The story now about AIDS is that it’s a trip to the doctor and it’s medication,” says Gray, “Whereas 20 years ago, the story of AIDS was going to funerals.”

Gray says parents need to help their children understand that the AIDS virus is still incurable and deadly, and that those who live with it face a daily struggle.

“Most people don’t want to take needles, and most people don’t want to be regimented that every three hours they’re popping a dozen pills,” says Gray, “I mean people [with AIDS] take cocktails of pills, it’s not just one thing. And just that kind of burden might grab their attention.”

Qaadir agrees. “I mean, you don’t want to wake up every morning and if you cough have to go to the doctor because you might be, you know, ready to pass out from whatever disease.”

Tips for Parents

Recent reports show that nearly half of high school students are or have been sexually active. Unfortunately, with sexual activity comes an increase in Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). That’s why it is extremely important to talk to your kids about being sexually responsible – before they engage in sex. Consider the following statistics provided by The Alan Guttmacher Institute:

Every year three million sexually active teens – about one-in-four – acquire an STD.
A single act of unprotected sex with an infected partner puts a teenage woman at a one percent risk of acquiring HIV, a 30 percent risk of getting genital herpes, and a 50 percent chance of contracting gonorrhea.

Chlamydia is more common among teens than among older men and women. In some testing situations, 10 to 29 percent of sexually active teenage women and 10 percent of teenage men were found to have Chlamydia.

Teens have higher rates of gonorrhea than sexually active men and women aged 20 to 44.
Talking to your child about sex and sexually transmitted diseases may not be something you look forward to, but it could be the most important step in protecting your child from risky sexual behavior. Studies show that teenagers who feel highly connected to their parents are far more likely to delay sexual activity than their peers. Before approaching this sensitive topic, consider the following tips developed by Peer to Peer: Stop, Think, Be Safe!

Start early – Research shows that younger children seek their parent's advice more than adolescents, who tend to depend more on their friends and the media. Take advantage of the opportunity to talk with your young children about sexual health. Discussing dating, relationships, STDs and HIV can make a lasting impression. And it gives you a chance to provide your children with accurate information that reflects your personal values and principles. The quality of parent-child relationships has an important influence on adolescents' sexual behaviors.
Initiate conversations with your child – Don't wait for your children to ask you about sex, HIV or STDs. Although you can hope that your children come to you with their questions and concerns, it may not happen. Use everyday opportunities to talk about issues related sexual health. For example, news stories, music, television shows or movies are great starters for bringing up health topics. If your family is watching a television show where the teenagers are promiscuous or a teen is pregnant, ask your kids what they thought of the program when it’s over. Ask if they agree with the behavior or decisions of the teenagers in the show. Just a few questions can start a valuable conversation.

Talk WITH your child, not AT your child – Make sure you listen to your children the way you want your children to listen to you. Try to ask questions that will encourage them to share specific information about feelings, decisions and actions. Try to understand exactly what your kids are saying. It is important for your kids to feel that they have been heard. Try not to be judgmental. Let your kids know that you value their opinions, even when they differ from your own.

Create an open environment – Research shows that kids who feel their parents speak openly about sex and listen to them carefully are less likely to engage in high-risk behaviors, compared to teenagers who do not feel they can talk with their parents about sex. Adolescents who report a sense of connection to their parents, family and school, and who have a higher grade point average, are more likely than other teens to wait to engage in intercourse. Teens who report previous discussions of sexuality with parents are seven times more likely to feel able to communicate with a partner about HIV/AIDS than those who have not had such discussions. An open family environment not only reduces sexual risk-taking behaviors, it also gives teenagers a safe place to ask questions and get accurate information.

As parents, be available, honest and attentive. Praise your children for coming to you to talk about sex, which will teach them that you are always available for information or advice.

Be prepared and practice – It isn't necessarily easy to talk about sex with your kids. In fact, it can be extremely difficult for some parents. Don't be afraid to practice. You can practice in front of a mirror, with your spouse or partner, or with friends. Your ability to speak comfortably about sexual health will make your children more comfortable asking questions and discussing sensitive issues.

Be honest: It's okay to say, "I don't know" – When your children trust and value your opinion, they will be more likely to come to you with their questions and concerns. It’s also important to know that you do not need to be a sexual health expert. It's okay if you don't know all the answers to all of your children's questions. It’s okay and honest to say, "I don't know." In fact, if you don't know the answer to a question, you can search for the correct information together.

Communicate your values – In addition to talking to your children about the biological facts of sex, it's important that they also learn that sexual relationships involve emotions, caring and responsibility. Parents need to share their values and principles about sex. Although your children may not adopt these values as their own, they are an important source of information as your children develop their own set of values about sexuality.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Peer to Peer: Stop, Think, Be Safe!
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services
Campaign for our Children, Inc.

Teen Smoking Decline Stops

By Connect with Kids

“I don’t know if it’s peer pressure or what, but I do think people are smoking a lot more than they used to.”

– Travis, age 16

After years of dramatic declines in the number of teen smokers, experts say that decline might be reaching a plateau.

“[This change] obviously raises a lot of concern for us,” says Corinne Husten, M.D., the Acting Director with the Office on Smoking and Health at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

A casual survey of teenagers seems to confirm the news.

“Most of my friends smoke,” says 18-year-old Arien.

“More people doing it,” adds Travis, “more people asking you for a cigarette.”

“Everyone I know smokes or whatever,” explains 17-year-old Teri.

In fact, the study finds that 20 percent of teens have smoked a cigarette in the last 30 days. And more than 50 percent have tried smoking.

Experts say a big reason for the change in smoking rates among teenagers is that less money has been spent on anti-smoking campaigns than in recent years – and that many kids aren’t getting that message.

“Right now only four states are funding their tobacco control programs at the minimum level recommended by the CDC,” explains Dr. Husten.

It’s all the more important, she says, that kids hear an anti-smoking message at home.

But often, that’s not the case.

“A lot of time parents I think have a laissez-faire attitude toward tobacco,” says Dr. Husten, “They say ‘well it’s not hard drugs, they’re not drinking and driving’. But actually tobacco is highly addictive; the kids experiment, they’re hooked on it before they even realize that, and then they spend their lives trying to stop.”

She says parents should talk regularly about the dangers of cigarettes, and “reinforcing that by saying we aren’t going to allow smoking in our home, we are going to go to smoke-free restaurants. So it’s not like the parent’s saying, well, this is bad for you but it’s okay for me. It’s saying this is something none of us should be doing.”


Tips for Parents

Research shows that a vast majority of smokers began when they were children or teenagers. While recent legislation has helped reduce smoking, it still remains an important health concern. Consider the following statistics from the U.S. Surgeon General:

Approximately 80 percent of adult smokers started smoking before the age of 18.
More than 5 million children living today will die prematurely because of a decision they make as adolescents – the decision to smoke cigarettes.

An estimated 2.1 million people began smoking on a daily basis in 1997. More than half of these new smokers were younger than 18. This boils down to every day, 3,000 young people under the age of 18 becoming regular smokers.

Nearly all first uses of tobacco occur before high school graduation.

Most young people who smoke are addicted to nicotine and report that they want to quit but are unable to do so.

Tobacco is often the first drug used by young people who use alcohol and illegal drugs.

Among young people, those with poorer grades and lower self-image are most likely to begin using tobacco.

Over the past decade, there has been virtually no decline in smoking rates among the general teen population. Among black adolescents, however, smoking has declined dramatically.
Young people who come from low-income families and have fewer than two adults living in their household are especially at risk for becoming smokers.

Encourage your child to join an anti-smoking group and support him/her in kicking the habit. If you are currently a smoker, you should also try to stop. Children look to their parents for support and strength; taking the anti-smoking journey alongside your child can be a huge benefit. In addition to attending the meetings, The Foundation for a Smoke-Free America offers these suggestions:

Develop deep-breathing techniques. Every time you want a cigarette, do the following three times: Inhale the deepest breath of air you can and then, very slowly, exhale. Purse your lips so that the air must come out slowly. As you exhale, close your eyes, and let your chin gradually drop to your chest. Visualize all the tension leaving your body, slowly draining out of your fingers and toes — just flowing on out. This technique will be your greatest weapon during the strong cravings smokers feel during the first few days of quitting.

During the first week, drink lots of water and healthy fluids to flush out the nicotine and other toxins from your body.

Remember that the urge to smoke only lasts a few minutes, and then it will pass. The urges gradually become further and further apart as the days go by.

Do your very best to stay away from alcohol, sugar and coffee the first week (or longer) as these tend to stimulate the desire for a cigarette. Also, avoid fatty foods, as your metabolism may slow down a bit without the nicotine, and you may gain weight even if you eat the same amount as before quitting. Discipline regarding your diet is extra important now.

Nibble on low calorie foods like celery, apples and carrots. Chew gum or suck on cinnamon sticks.
Stretch out your meals. Eat slowly and pause between bites.

After dinner, instead of a cigarette, treat yourself to a cup of mint tea or a peppermint candy. Keep in mind, however, that in one study, while 25 percent of quitters found that an oral substitute was helpful, another 25 percent didn’t like the idea at all – they wanted a clean break with cigarettes. Find what works for you.

Go to a gym, exercise, and/or sit in the steam of a hot shower. Change your normal routine – take a walk or even jog around the block or in a local park. Get a massage. Pamper yourself.
Ask for support from coworkers, friends and family members. Ask for their tolerance. Let them know you’re quitting, and that you might be edgy or grumpy for a few days. If you don’t ask for support, you certainly won’t get any. If you do, you’ll be surprised how much it can help.
Ask friends and family members not to smoke in your presence. Don’t be afraid to ask. This is more important than you may realize.

On your “quit day,” remove all ashtrays and destroy all your cigarettes, so you have nothing to smoke.

If you need someone to talk to, call the National Cancer Institute’s Smoking Quitline at 1-877-44U-Quit. Proactive counseling services by trained personnel are provided in sessions both before and after quitting smoking.

Find a chat room online, with people trying to quit smoking. It can be a great source of support, much like a Nicotine Anonymous meeting, but online.

Attend your anti-smoking meetings. If there are no meetings in your city, try calling (800) 642-0666, or check the Nicotine Anonymous website link below. There you can also find out how to start your own meeting. It’s truly therapeutic to see how other quitters are doing as they strive to stop smoking.

Write down ten good things about being a nonsmoker and ten bad things about smoking.
Don’t pretend smoking wasn’t enjoyable. Quitting smoking can be like losing a good friend – and it’s okay to grieve the loss. Feel that grief.

Several times a day, quietly repeat to yourself the affirmation, “I am a nonsmoker.” Many quitters see themselves as smokers who are just not smoking for the moment. They have a self-image as smokers who still want a cigarette. Silently repeating the affirmation “I am a nonsmoker” will help you change your view of yourself. Even if it seems silly to you, this is actually useful.

Here is perhaps the most valuable information among these points: During the period that begins a few weeks after quitting, the urge to smoke will subside considerably. However, it’s vital to understand that from time to time, you will still be suddenly overwhelmed with a desire for “just one cigarette.” This will happen unexpectedly, during moments of stress, whether negative stress or positive (at a party, or on vacation). Be prepared to resist this unexpected urge, because succumbing to that “one cigarette” will lead you directly back to smoking. Remember the following secret: during these surprise attacks, do your deep breathing and hold on for five minutes; the urge will pass.

Do not try to go it alone. Get help, and plenty of it.

References
American Cancer Society
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Foundation for a Smoke-Free America
Nicotine Anonymous