Sue Scheff: Acting White by Connect with Kids

“If you dress too proper, with your shirt tucked in and stuff, they’ll probably say you act too white.”

– student Diijon Dacosta, 20

For many American teenagers, one of the ways to be unpopular in high school is to be an “A” student. In fact, in some schools, doing your homework every day, studying hard and getting good grades has a controversial label. Some call it, “acting white.”
Lindsay, 15, knows the pressure to be cool. “If you’re really smart, they might think of you as a nerd or something,” she says.
Will they say you’re a nerd, a dork, a bookworm …or acting white?
“If you dress too proper, with your shirt tucked in and stuff, they’ll probably say you act too white,” says 20-year-old Diijon Dacosta.
Researchers at Vanderbilt University surveyed 166 middle and high school students from both the inner city and the suburbs. The students said that “acting white” often meant “getting good grades, joining clubs, being a leader.”

Students also talked about “acting black.”

“That would include … not studying, not doing homework, not joining various honor societies or other school projects. I think it is all part of that identity,” says Don Rice, Ph.D., psychologist.

He says that one problem is the culture doesn’t celebrate African Americans who are well educated or well spoken.

“Very seldom does one think of a black kid as being smart or geeky in that sense, and they’re not getting the messages through television, they’re not getting the messages through movies,” says Rice.

Rice adds that the media help set expectations in a child’s mind, and low expectations can lead to low performance.

"They don't really see the opportunities, they don't see how sitting down and learning algebra can lead to something that would be a better life,” explains Rice.

"It's easier to just say forget about it and forget your school work than it is to actually go through with the whole process and do good in school,” says Omyrie, 16.

Still, experts say that inside all children, there is a desire to learn and achieve.

"It’s a matter of finding what it is these kids want out of life and to show them how to get it,” says Rice.

Tips for Parents

“Children can't achieve unless we raise their expectations and turn off the television sets, and eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is ‘acting white.’" (Sen. Barack Obama)
“Education starts at home. Teach your children the benefits of a good education -- have them visit college campuses, talk to professionals in your neighborhood, and get involved in clubs and activities at school.” (Don Rice, Ph.D., professor of psychology)

“It’s not measures of popularity or social success that predict achievement in college or the business world, but academic achievement itself that is the best predictor.” (Marla Shapiro, licensed psychologist)

“Part of the achievement gap, particularly for gifted black students, is due to the poor image these students have of themselves as learners,” says Donna Ford, professor of special education and Betts Chair of Education and Human Development at Vanderbilt University’s Peabody College, and author of the study on “acting white and acting black.” “Our research shows that prevention and intervention programs that focus on improving students’ achievement ethic and self-image are essential to closing the achievement gap.”

References

Fryer and Torelli, National Bureau of Economic Research: An Empirical Analysis of “Acting White’”

The Century Foundation: Equality and Education

Vanderbilt University’s News Network

Sue Scheff: Understanding the Power of Media & Its Effect on Kids

By Connect with Kids

Selling Children: How Media Affects Kids

The 31.6 million kids in America today represent the largest generation in U.S. history. These kids – who collectively spend $200 billion each year on products and are a major target for advertisers and marketers – are recipients of a “marketing campaign that never stops.” Messages about body image, self-worth and sexuality are everywhere in advertising. What is their impact on the health and well being of children and teens – and their parents’ wallets?
Experts agree that too often television, music lyrics, movies – and the advertising messages surrounding them – sell discontent, playing upon our children’s youthful vulnerability. They say that media literacy, learning to understand these messages, can actually help kids learn to think for themselves.

What can you do to help your children understand the power of the media – and become more critical thinkers?

Watch Selling Children: How Media Affects Kids with your kids and learn ways to help kids become more aware of the underlying messages: how to decode them, question them and, ultimately, understand them.

STD Rates Among Teen Girls

By Connect with Kids

“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment.”
– Kimberly, 17

The numbers are staggering: 3.2 million teenage girls in America have a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Why are so many young girls infected and what can parents do?
“I didn’t decide to have sex, it just happened,” says Kimberly, 17.

And, the first time Kimberly had sex, she didn’t use protection.

“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment,” says Kimberly.
Did she get an STD that first time?

“It was unprotected sex, and I could have anything right now, this is how easy it is to get these diseases,” says Kimberly.

The Centers for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD. Even more startling, half of all African-American teen girls are infected. Experts say in many U.S. households, parents just aren’t teaching their children about the health dangers of sex.

“In the African-American community, I think it’s very hard to talk about issues surrounding HIV, surrounding STDs, surrounding teenage pregnancy. They’re not teaching them how to say no, they’re just teaching them not to do it. They’re not empowering them to stand up for themselves. They’re not giving them any tools. They’re just saying, ‘don’t do it; if you do it this is going to happen,’” says Zina Age, MSW, HIV and STD prevention advocate.

Age says if kids can see a productive future for themselves, they’re more likely to protect that future.

“They don’t have the tools to know that at 16, I don’t get pregnant; that at 16, I go to college or I graduate. They don’t have any role models to show that this actually take place. And that’s the part that’s scary,” says Age.

Kimberly was lucky -- she didn’t have an STD, but she learned a lesson.

“I used to be afraid of telling my boyfriend, ‘can you please put a condom on?’ In the moment, you’re just letting everything flow and it’s stopping everything [to ask] ‘can you go put a condom on?’ It’s kind of hard to do that. But now I actually stop and think about what I’m doing, so I learned a lot about that,” says Kimberly.

Tips for Parents

It's never too late to talk to your child about STDs. After all, a late talk is better than no talk at all. But the best time to start having these discussions is during the preteen or middle school years. (Nemours Foundation)

Questions are a good starting point for a discussion. When kids are curious, they're more open to hearing what their parents have to say. Another way to initiate a discussion is to use a media cue, such as a TV program or an article in the paper, and ask your child what he or she thinks about it. (Nemours Foundation)

Be informed. STDs can be a frightening and confusing subject, so it may help if you read up on STD transmission and prevention. You don't want to add any misinformation, and being familiar with the topic will make you feel more comfortable. (Nemours Foundation)

Ask your child what he or she already knows about STDs and what else your child would like to learn. Remember, though: Your child may already know a lot more than you realize, although much of that information could be incorrect. Parents need to provide accurate information so their kids can make the right decisions and protect themselves. (Nemours Foundation)

The only sure way to remain STD-free is to nothave sex or intimate contact with anyone outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, such as marriage. (Nemours Foundation)
References
Nemours Foundation

Cell Phones and Driving

By Connect with Kids



“Driving while talking on the cell phone approaches the same disability in terms of driving as driving while intoxicated does.”

– Dr. Cathy Blusiewicz, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Several studies have shown that it’s dangerous to talk on a cell phone while driving. But is the solution, as some states have mandated, hands-free cell phones? Maybe not. New research suggests that even with both hands on the wheel, drivers on cell phones are a lot like drunk drivers.

Right after school, Patrick Ferrell gets in his car and gets on the phone.

“I talk on my cell phone all the time when I’m driving, but I don’t consider it a big deal because you just have to watch the road,” says Patrick, 18.

But according to experts, the brain can’t focus on two things at the same time. A study by Carnegie Mellon University reports that just talking on the phone reduces activity in the part of the brain responsible for driving by 37 percent.

“Driving while talking on the cell phone approaches the same disability in terms of driving as driving while intoxicated does,” says Dr. Cathy Blusiewicz, Ph.D., clinical psychologist.

And, she says, the effect is even worse for teenagers.

“Driving is a learned skill, and we become much more automatically proficient at it with the number of years we’ve had driving. And so … adolescents who are brand new drivers -- they don’ t have the learned skill, plus they are only giving 50 percent attention to it (at most) if they are on the phone,” says Blusiewicz.

“Yeah … if my friend’s telling me an exciting story, I’ll get really, really excited, and if someone pulls out in front of me I’ll … slam on the brakes or whatever. I’ll be paying more attention to my friends than to the road,” says Kendra Rasmussen, 18.

Experts say parents need to set an example; just as kids need endless reminders to wear a seatbelt, they need to hear over and over again: driving and cell phones don’t mix.

“So that’s a hill to climb for parents and educators, to convince them that even though you feel invincible this is like having four beers before you get behind the wheel,” says Blusiewicz.

Tips for Parents

It is very likely that your teenager will pick up the majority of his/her driving habits from watching you. According to a recent survey by Liberty Mutual and Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), nearly two-thirds of teenagers polled say their parents talk on the cell phone while driving; almost half say their parents speed, and just under one-third say their parents don’t wear seatbelts. The following statistics, therefore, shouldn’t be very surprising:

Sixty-two percent of high school drivers say they talk on a cell phone while driving, and approximately half of high school teens who do not yet drive (52 percent) and middle school students (47 percent) expect they will engage in this behavior when they begin driving.
Sixty-seven percent of high school drivers say they speed.

Thirty-three percent of high school drivers say they do not wear their seatbelt while driving.
Cell phones have been transformed from status symbols into everyday accessories. In fact, cell phones are so prevalent among teenagers that a recent study found that they viewed talking on the phone nearly the same as talking to someone face-to-face. And with the latest studies showing that at least 56 percent of 13- to 17-year-olds own cell phones, the issue of cell phone usage is more pertinent than ever.

If you believe your teen should have a cell phone, it is important to lay down a few ground rules. The National Institute on Media and the Family suggests the following guidelines for setting limits on your teen’s cell phone use:

Choose a plan that puts some reasonable limits on your teen’s phone time. Make sure he or she knows what the limits are so he or she can do some budgeting.
Let your teen know that the two of you will be reviewing the bill together so you will have an idea of how the phone is being used.

If use exceeds the plan limits, the charges can mount very quickly. Make sure your teen has some consequences, financial or otherwise, if limits are exceeded.
Teach your child about the dangers of using the cell phone while driving and the distractions it can cause.

Find out what the school’s policies are regarding cell phone use and let your teen know that you will completely support the school’s policies.

Agree on cell phone etiquette. For example, no phone calling during meals or when it is bothersome or rude to other people.

Conversely, let your teen know that any “phone bullying” or cheating via text messaging will not be tolerated.

Let your teen know that his or her use of the cell phone is contingent on the ground rules you set. No compliance, no phone.

References

Washington Post
Liberty Mutual
SADD
Road and Travel
Wired News
National Institute on Media and the Family

Girls Dating Older Boys

By Connect with Kids

“Girls, definitely, tell me that they feel like they have to do the sexual requests, they have to honor the sexual requests of their boyfriends, or they will get dumped. And there are a lot of girls that are feeling pressure that way.”

– Dr. Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., licensed psychologist

Typically, parents worry when their daughters begin dating, but they really worry when their daughter goes out with an older boy. According to a recent study, parents have good reason to be concerned.

Sarah is 19 and her boyfriend is 22.

“Because I am dating an older guy … I am more open to alcohol, just because I can ask him, ‘Hey, can you go to the store and buy me something?’” says Sarah Lim, 19.

She says another risk of dating an older guy is being pressured into having sex.

“I think a lot of guys, especially in high school, will go for younger girls just because they’ll give it up, you know,” says Lim.

In fact, according to a study by the non-profit group Child Trends, one in five girls has dated a boy at least three years older than she, and 10 percent say they’ve had sex with an older boy before they turned 16.

“Girls, definitely, tell me that they feel like they have to do the sexual requests, they have to honor the sexual requests of their boyfriends, or they will get dumped. And there are a lot of girls that are feeling pressure that way,” says Dr. Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., licensed psychologist.

What’s more, according to the study, girls who date older guys are less likely to use protection, more likely to become pregnant, and twice as likely to acquire a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

“Frequently, the younger girl is naïve. Sometimes she doesn’t have the assertiveness to stand up for herself and demand that a condom be used,” says McGarrah.

“When guys are older…girls will trust them. ‘Oh, he knows what he’s talking about. He has more experience,’” says Lim.

Experts say parents need to set ground rules, such as they can only date someone one grade above or below, and only go on group dates until they’re 16. And if your daughter argues, experts say:

“Explain to them that you trust them and you know that they are a mature person, but at the same time there are different levels of maturity. And just like they are not ready to get married, they are not ready to have babies, they are also not ready to be in relationships with people significantly older than they are,” says McGarrah.

Tips for Parents

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's an important warning sign of verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend: (Nemours Foundation)

Get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?

Criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?

Keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls?

Want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?

Ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?

Try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect. Does he or she “get” how cool you are and why? The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your personality, great sense of humor, love of the same movies, commitment to sports or the arts, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is — and would never challenge the other person's boundaries. (Nemours Foundation)

Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's okay to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other. (Nemours Foundation)

Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart, but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play. (Nemours Foundation)

Good communication. You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. (Nemours Foundation)

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. (Nemours Foundation)

References
Nemours Foundation

Connect with Kids - What your Kids Are Doing Shouldn't be A Mystery

Who’s pressuring your kids? Who’s offering them alcohol or drugs? Who’s talking to them on the Internet?

Whether we’re teachers, parents, counselors…sometimes we just don’t know what’s really going on in a child’s life. If you want to talk to your kids about the challenges they face, but aren’t sure what to say, our programs will help…with real kids sharing their true stories, and advice from experts, educators and parents who have “been there.”

Click here for a fantastic educational resource to help you help your kids!

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sue Scheff: Addicted to Screens

By Connect with Kids

“Instead of using that time to become an adult, learning how to talk to adults, learning how to talk to women, learning how to talk to men, learning how to figure out what they want to do with their lives -- those are hours that are lost, that can never really be regained,”

– says Dr. Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist

The American Medical Association (AMA) reports that 5 million American kids are addicted to video games. In fact, if you add the time some children and teens spend in front of a screen -- TV, computer, cell phone or video game -- it equals more hours than anything else in their lives except sleep! And that begs the question: if they spend so much time plugged in, what are they missing out on?

Sabrina and her brother Ruben are fighting over the family computer. At the same time, their younger brother Daniel is playing video games with a friend.

“It’s just fun killing other people and stealing their stuff,” says Daniel, 8.

Sister Alinna waits to watch her favorite program on the big-screen TV.

“I dream about watching TV, and I watch Sponge Bob in my head,” says Alinna.

Four kids in one family who love anything with a screen.

“It’s just nowadays it seems like they’re a lot lazier and just want to sit on the tube and on the phone all the time,” says Harry Delano, the children’s father.

In fact, researchers at the University of Montreal found that one-third of teens spend about 40 hoursa week in front of a screen. For all those hours, what are the kids not doing? Experts say they’re not reading, studying, exercising or even just talking with other people.

“Instead of using that time to become an adult, by learning how to talk adults, learning how to talk to women, learning how to talk to men, learning how to figure out what they want to do with their lives -- those are hours that are lost, that can never really be regained,” says Dr. Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist.

Yolanda has tried to limit the time her children spend in front of a screen.

“Well, my mom gives me an hour on Myspace, but I usually do like three hours -- if they don’t notice,” says Sabrina, 16.

“Even though I get frustrated with it, I allow it to happen because that’s what makes her happy,” says Yolanda.

(Links)

If you are interested in this story, you may also be interested in these parent videos:

Tips for Parents

If your children are like most children, they spend too much time glued to the screen watching television, surfing the Internet and playing video games. So how can you break this habit without wrecking havoc in the home? The answer, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, is to find fun, positive activities that children enjoy and to smartly manage their screen time.

Experts suggest parents limit children’s total screen time to no more than one to two hours of quality programming per day. (CDC)

Following are 10 tips for parents to help their children make a painless transition from couch potato to a physically and pro-socially active child: (CDC)

Remove television sets from children’s bedrooms.

View television programs with children and discuss the content.

Use the VCR to show or record high-quality, educational programming for children.

Suggest several options for positive physical and pro-social activities that are available through local park districts, schools and community programs.

Recommend pro-social activities, such as volunteering at the Humane Society, local nursing homes, special-needs camps, etc.

Encourage alternative activities for children, including hobbies, athletics and creative play.
Form coalitions including libraries, faith-based organizations, and neighborhood groups to help provide physical and social environments that encourage and enable safe and enjoyable physical activity, including new sidewalks, safe parks and keeping close-to-home physical activity facilities open at night.

Ensure that appropriate activity options are available for disabled children.
Serve as a good role model; be active physically, and be available and interested when your children are viewing television and surfing the Internet in the home.

References
CDC
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) The Gap Year

by Connect with Kids

“It might give a student a little bit more direction. They may be refreshed after taking a year off from being in an academic situation.”

– Adam Lips, Emory University, Admissions

For many students, the frenzied, non-stop trek to college begins their first day in high school. And, after four years of study, SAT exams and AP classes, some students are exhausted. That’s why more and more universities are recommending what’s called a “gap” year between high school and college.



Graduation is just around the corner: the end of 12 years of school and then, at the end of the summer, many students will begin college. But not Annie van Beunigan.

“This is kind of the center of Paris, and the Sorbonne is right here,” says Annie, 17, pointing to a map of Paris, France.

Before heading to college, Annie is going to spend a year in France.

“It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’m pretty sick of school … I worked pretty hard in high school. I was pretty driven and I just want to take a break,” says Annie.

The U.S. Department of Education reports that half of all college students take six years or more to get a Bachelor’s degree – partly because so many begin their freshman year burned out and unfocused. Experts say a year off can help.

“It might give a student a little bit more direction. They may be refreshed after taking a year off from being in an academic situation,” says Adam Lips, Emory University, Admissions.

“My mom took a year off and went to live in France and she said that was the best year of her life. She learned so much and grew up so much and went back to college and was more focused,” says Annie.

“For a lot of people it builds character. It builds maturity and it lets them make the most of that college experience,” says Lips.

Still, delaying college should not be taken lightly.

“There needs to be a great deal of thought put into what a student is going to do during that year so that it’s meaningful to them … not just taking a year off for the sake of taking a year off. It might be traveling, it might be doing some volunteer work, it might be working on a job,” says Lips.

Annie is optimistic about her year abroad.

“You come back with an open mind and you’ve just learned so much stuff. You learn from people who are different from you. You learn about yourself,” says Annie.

Tips for Parents

For some people, the prospect of starting college, especially going away to school, is scary. It's probably the first time that you'll be totally responsible for your own schedule. What if you intend to go to college but just don't feel ready to start or take a full-time job after high school graduation? You might want to take a year off to pause and regroup. This practice is common in some countries, such as the United Kingdom, where it's called a "gap year." (Nemours Foundation)

Taking time off doesn't mean you should ignore the idea of applying to college. In fact, you may want to consider making your college plans before you become involved in other things, especially if you'll be traveling. Apply to schools and make your choice, then ask for a deferred admission. (Nemours Foundation)

Even if you decide not to apply to college, it can be a great idea to take a year to do something you may not have an opportunity to do again. Lots of volunteer organizations would welcome your time and energy and would provide you with a wonderful learning experience. (Nemours Foundation)
If you take a year off, you will likely learn great life skills -- such as living on a tight budget! Plan how you'll pay your way while you're traveling or doing volunteer work. Can you live at home or with friends? Get a part-time job? (Nemours Foundation)

Taking a year off can give you time to clarify your goals and plan for the future. You may be able to earn money to fund future plans, e.g. graduate study. (Durham University)

A gap year may heighten your enthusiasm for further study and work. You may gain new skills valued by employers, such as team working, organizational skills and problem-solving. (Durham University)

References
Nemours Foundation
Durham University

Sue Scheff: Family Dinners and Eating Disorders

By Connect with Kids

“If you have dinner with your family, including your kids, five nights a week, you have amazing results. You seem to have less incidence of a lot of problems that parents worry about with their teens.”

– Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., psychologist

The average American woman is 5’ 4” and weighs 140 pounds. The average American model is 5’ 11” and weights 117 pounds. For millions of girls, that difference translates into dangerous eating disorders and extreme diets. What can parents do to help protect their daughters?

Sometimes starvation diets, binging and purging, or overuse of diet pills are used to correct a flaw no one else can see.

“I just see myself as really fat and gross,” says Lauren, 16.

‘I started buying fitness magazines and they all said to diet. I just couldn’t see reality. I saw fat where there wasn’t any,” says Maggie, 17.

‘I think I’m really fat right now, and that’s why I want to lose weight,” says Shelby, 18.

A new study in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine reports a positive way to reduce the risk of an eating disorder: having regularly-scheduled family dinners.

“If you have dinner with your family, including your kids, five nights a week, you have amazing results. You seem to have less incidence of a lot of problems that parents worry about with their teens,” says Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., psychologist.

In fact, the study found that teen girls who regularly had dinner with their family were 30 percent less likely to go on extreme diets or develop an eating disorder. Why? For one thing, experts say parents who sit and eat a healthy meal with their kids are good role models.

“Studies show time and time again that children model parents’ behavior with food,” says Rachel Brandeis, American Dietetic Association.

But experts also say that eating disorders are emotional disorders, and a family meal is a chance for kids to be with those who love them the most. That can help counteract what causes eating disorders in the first place.

“You’re having time with the family, you’re showing your commitment to your kids, you are tailoring your day around your kids, you’re having them tailor their day around that important time, and you’re having open communication,” says McGarrah.

Tips for Parents

Shared family meals are more likely to be nutritious, and kids who eat regularly with their families are less likely to snack on unhealthy foods and more likely to eat fruits, vegetables and whole grains. (Nemours Foundation)

Teens who take part in regular family meals are less likely to smoke, drink alcohol or use marijuana and other drugs, and are more likely to have healthier diets as adults. (Nemours Foundation)

Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills. (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, SAMHSA)

The importance of regular family activities to share ideas and find out “what’s happening” is a great way for a parent to be involved, discuss rules, monitor activities and friends, and be a good role model. (SAMHSA)

The benefits of eating together will last long after your meal ends, especially if you make family mealtimes a regular activity. (SAMHSA)

References

Nemours Foundation
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

Sue Scheff: Benefits of Abstinence Among Teens

By Connect with Kids

“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions.”

– Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician

Regret can be a great teacher and, according to a new survey of high school students, that’s especially true when it comes to teenagers and sex.

Trey was 14 when he first had sex.

“Just the pressure -- upper classmen -- they were just ragging me on to do it, and I just fell into that trap. I fell into that peer pressure,” says Trey, 17.

Afterwards, Trey says he regretted it.

“Just the feeling, the emotions that were going through my mind…and my thoughts were, ‘What am I doing? I feel like I’m soliciting myself, I don’t know even know this girl’s name by heart,’” recalls Trey.

In a survey of high school students by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, sexually-experienced teens were twice as likely to value abstinence as teens who were virgins. It seems that it is after having sex that some kids learn the value of being abstinent.

“It’s unfortunate that they had to learn it the hard way, but one of the things that they’re realizing is that there is an alternative way: there’s a way for me to court [someone], or to get a guy that I like to court me and respect me and for me not to have sex,” says Alduan Tartt, psychologist.

Experts say another way kids can learn about the risks and complications of sex are from their parents -- not from “atalk” but with a conversation.

“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

Trey says he’s choosing abstinence now and it feels right.

“You don’t have anything to worry about. You don’t have to worry about if you have an STD. You’re just focused on your goals,” says Trey.

Tips for Parents

Abstinence is defined as not having sex. A person who decides to practice abstinence has decided not to have sex. (Nemours Foundation)

Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Although many birth control methods can have high rates of success if used properly, they can fail occasionally. Practicing abstinence ensures that a girl will not become pregnant because there is no opportunity for sperm to fertilize an egg. (Nemours Foundation)

Only complete and consistent abstinence can totally protect against STDs. Because a person does not have any type of intimate sexual contact when he or she practices complete abstinence, there is no risk of passing on a sexually transmitted infection. (Nemours Foundation)

Don't let teasing or pressure from friends, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or even the media push you into something that's not right for you. Research shows that the majority of teens are not having sex. (www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit)

A couple can still have a relationship without having sex. If you've made a decision not to have sex, it's an important personal choice and the people who care about you should respect that. (Nemours Foundation)

You may have questions about making this choice or about other methods of birth control. Your doctor or nurse — or an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher or counselor — can help provide accurate answers. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation
Children and Youth Coordinating Council (CYCC) www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit

Sue Scheff: Dropouts Start Early - by Connect with Kids

“Time is of the essence for children that are falling behind, because every day they fall behind, their peers are moving ahead and so it’s like chasing a moving target.”

– Jill Isbell Rhodes of Reading Recovery, Long Beach Unified School District

Before this school year ends, 1 million kids will have dropped out of high school. Conventional wisdom has it that dropping out is an angry and impulsive decision for many kids. But a new study suggests that there is a way to predict who will drop out -- just visit your local kindergarten.

Last year, 7-year-old Derrick was beginning to hate books.

“When he did read, he’d get frustrated and he didn’t want to read,” says Derrick’s mother.

How did he feel?

“Sad,” says Derrick.

Even at this early age, it is a race against time.

“Time is of the essence for children that are falling behind, because every day they fall behind, their peers are moving ahead and so it’s like chasing a moving target,” says Jill Isbell Rhodes of Reading Recovery, Long Beach Unified School District.

Many kids never catch up. A study in the journal, Education Research, reports that you can predict with accuracy who will drop out in high school by looking at how well kids perform in kindergarten.

“If you start school with a negative experience, that’s an experience that’s going to last for the rest of their educational career,” says Danny Darby, education specialist.

The research suggests that dropping out is not an impulsive decision, but an outcome set in motion years earlier.

“The idea here is that as these problems go on and on, and as they are overlooked, children’s personality organization -- their character formation -- begins to be settled, begins to be more entrenched. And the longer you wait, the more that’s the way they become, the harder it is to make change, and the costs are much, much higher,” says Dr. Nathaniel Donson, M.D., child psychiatrist

Experts say early intervention is crucial.

“If you identify it and address it now -- at the preschool level -- it does not exist at the middle school or at the high school level. It won’t exist anymore. But you have to intervene early, and you have to address it as early as possible,” says Robert J. Aloia, superintendent, Bergen Country Technical Schools.

Derrick is now in a special reading program. He says he didn’t used to “feel” like a reader

“But now I do,” says Derrick.

Tips for Parents

Five intervention strategies that have been used to prevent school dropouts among a high-risk population (National Center on Secondary Education and Transition):

Persistence, Continuity and Consistency -- used concurrently to show students that there was someone who was not going to give up on them or allow them to be distracted from school;

someone who knew the student and was available to them throughout the school year, the summer, and into the next school year; and providing a common message about the need to stay in school.

Monitoring — the occurrence of risk behaviors (e.g., skipped classes, tardiness, absenteeism, behavioral referrals, suspensions, poor academic performance) was consistently tracked, as were the effects of interventions in response to risk behaviors.

Relationships — a caring relationship between an adult connected to the school and the student was established.

Affiliation — a sense of belonging to school was encouraged through participation in school-related activities.

Problem-Solving Skills — skills students need for solving a variety of problems were taught and supported so students were able to survive in challenging school, home and community environments.

References
National Center on Secondary Education and Transition

Breakfast Reduces Obesity by Connect with Kids

“The kids get all their stuff ready at nighttime, including clothes and packing backpacks and all that, because if we don’t, in the morning there’s no way that we could have time for them to eat breakfast, ever.”

– Yvonne, mother

It’s an old adage: breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And yet, an estimated 25 percent of children regularly skip it. Now, there is new research showing that eating at the beginning of the day saves calories the rest of the day.

“Do you have everything you need for school?” asks Yvonne, mother.

In lots of families, mornings are chaotic. Share the bathroom, get the kids dressed, pack up the book bag -- which often leaves no time for breakfast. But not at the Gonzalez home.

“You just want one egg each, or you want two?” asks Yvonne.

“It gets you up and running, and has lots of nutrition in it,” says Victoria, 9.

“The kids get all their stuff ready at nighttime, including clothes and packing backpacks and all that, because if we don’t, in the morning there’s no way that we could have time for them to eat breakfast, ever,” says Yvonne.

Researchers at the University of Minnesota studied more than 2,000 teens for five years. They found that teens who eat breakfast on a regular basis weigh less and eat a healthier diet than kids who don’t eat breakfast. Experts say skipping that first meal makes youhungrierlater in the day.

“And when we finally eat, we are ravenous and we are craving. And now we want a quick fix. And we want sugar and we want carbs and we want fat, and that’s what we eat,” says Dr. Ranveig Elvebakk, bariatric physician.

And that, says the doctor, forces the body to produce more insulin.

“This insulin brings the blood sugar into the cell, and what does the cell say? It says ‘I cannot possibly deal with all this sugar; I need to transform it and store it somewhere.’ Then you slowly plump up,” says Elvebakk.

One solution, experts say, is not skipping breakfast, and instead, having something substantial such as eggs or toast or cereal.

“You ate it all? Oh my goodness!” says Mom

Tips for Parents

Children who eat breakfast tend to have more adequate nutrient intake than children who do not.
By eating breakfast, students also get more of the important nutrients, vitamins and minerals such as calcium, dietary fiber, folate and protein. (Food Research and Action Center)

A higher percentage of children who skip breakfast do not meet two-thirds of the Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) for vitamins A, E, D, and B. (Food Research and Action Center)

Adolescents who eat breakfast tend to have a lower body mass index (BMI). Higher BMIs can indicate overweight and obesity. Girls who eat breakfast are more likely to have a lower BMI than girls who skip breakfast. (Food Research and Action Center)

Adolescents with one or two obese parents who eat breakfast every day are more likely to have BMIs within a healthy range than those who tend to skip breakfast. (Food Research and Action Center)

Try to serve a balanced breakfast that includes some carbohydrates, protein and fiber. Good sources of these nutrients include: (Nemours Foundation)

Carbohydrates: whole-grain cereals, brown rice, whole-grain breads and muffins, fruits, vegetables

Protein: low-fat or nonfat dairy products, lean meats, eggs, nuts (including nut butters), seeds, and cooked dried beans

Fiber: whole-grain breads, waffles, and cereals; brown rice, bran, and other grains; fruits, vegetables, beans, and nuts

References

Food Research and Action Center
Nemours Foundation

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Cell Phones and Risks

By Connect with Kids

“Don’t put the power in the instrument. The power is in you, the power is in the family, the power is in the communication system of the family. And that will give you safety.”

– Allen Carter, Ph.D., psychologist

Cell phones are a great way for teens to stay in touch with their parents -- especially if it’s an emergency. But do they also give teens a false sense of security?

Fifteen-year old Eimani likes to stay connected. She uses her cell phone as a safety precaution when she’s out with friends or by herself.

“That’s a parent’s worse fear. Something’s gone on and we don’t know where our kids are,” says Miyoshi, Eimani’s mother.

“If I’m in a spot or a jam, my mom will be there. And if I have a cell phone, I can ring my mom up at the drop of a dime,” says Eimani.

But can she? Can she dial that fast in an emergency? According to a study from Ohio State University, 42 percent of girls said they would be willing to walk somewhere after dark if they had a cell phone. However, experts say a cell phone doesn’t replace common sense. If you wouldn’t ordinarily let your child go someplace or stay out late, don’t change those rules just because they now have a phone.

“Don’t put the power in the instrument. The power is in you, the power is in the family, the power is in the communication system of the family, and that will give you safety,” says Allen Carter, Ph.D., psychologist.

Miyoshi says the cell phone is another layer of protection, but it won’t replace logic.

“You have to teach your kids common sense. If something happens, get somewhere safe,” says Miyoshi.

Tips for Parents

Listen to and act on your intuition. It’s better to be safe and risk a little embarrassment than to stay in an uncomfortable situation that may be unsafe. (Iowa State University -- Department of Public Safety)

If you are in danger or being attacked and want to get help, yell “Call 911!” or give specific directions to onlookers; for example: “You! Get the police!” or “Walk me to the store on the corner, I’m being followed.” (Iowa State University -- Department of Public Safety)

Vary your routine: drive or walk different routes every day. If you suspect that someone is following you, by foot or in a car, don’t go home (or they will know where you live). Go to a trusted neighbor or to a public place to call the police, or go directly to the police station. (Iowa State University -- Department of Public Safety)
Do not label keys with your name or any identification. Don’t talk about your social life or vacation plans where strangers can overhear you. (Iowa State University -- Department of Public Safety)

Students need to be aware of their surroundings when they're out using their cell phone. "In some cases, walking with a cell phone might make them vulnerable, either to crime or to an accident," says Ohio State University. (MSNBC)

If you don't carry a cell phone, consider getting one. Did you know that cell phones, even when they are not connected to a cell phone service provider, can still be used to call 911? (California Polytechnic State University)

References

Iowa State University -- Department of Public Safety
MSNBC
Jack Nasar, professor of city and regional planning at Ohio State University
California Polytechnic State University