Sue Scheff: Connect with Kids: Drug Conversation

“The parents need to be very clear at saying. I am not giving you permission to do that. I am not telling you that it’s a good idea, I’m telling you that it’s a bad idea. And here’s why it’s a bad idea. That’s why we have rules now as your parents because we’ve learned from our own mistakes.”
– Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., child psychologist

“People just automatically assume that we do drugs and drink,” says Blaze, 15.
They have long hair and play in a rock-and-roll band, but Blaze and his twin brother Reid have never even experimented with drugs.

“Our parents expect us to be ourselves and do what we think is right and know that drugs are stupid and a waste of time, and that we shouldn’t be doing them, “ says Blaze.

They’ve been hearing that message from their parents since they were very young.

“It’s pretty clear that if we’re ever caught doing drugs or anything like that then, we’re going to be punished severely,” says Reid, 15.

According to a new survey from the partnership for a drug-free America, the number of parents talking to their children about drugs has dropped 12 percent since 2005.

“You know I can’t tell you how many times parents come in and they have never, never approached the word drugs or alcohol with their kids. They just want to ignore it. If they ignore it it will just go away and their kid won’t be involved,” says Shirley Kaczmarski, Ph.D., educator.

“If a parent does assume that, there’s a good chance that the kids will do it, because it’s like saying ‘you have my permission’, basically,” says Lynn, the twin’s mother.

Experts say, if you end up talking about your own experiences with drugs when you were young, make sure your kids don’t misinterpret that to mean drug use is ok.

“The parent needs to be very clear at saying. I am not giving you permission to do that. I am not telling you that it’s a good idea, but I’m telling you that it’s a bad idea. And here’s why it’s a bad idea.

That’s why we have rules now as your parents because we’ve learned from our own mistakes, ” says Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., child psychologist.

“We’ve talked about specific incidences with people that we’ve known in the past (friends that we’ve lost in the 9th grade, you know, so and so died of drugs and things like that) there’s no good outcome to it. It’s a poor choice,” says Lynne.

That’s now the opinion of her twins.

“If you know the risks of the drugs, then you probably won’t do it. You’ll realize how stupid it is,” says Blaze.

Tips for Parents

Be an involved parent. (American Academy of Pediatrics, AAP)

Show interest in your teenager’s activities and friends.

Talk openly, honestly, and respectfully with your teenager.

Set clear limits and expectations.

Know what’s going on at school and after school.

Teach your teenager how to safely avoid violence.

Encourage independence while teaching safety. (AAP)

As teenagers are testing their new independent roles, it’s not an easy time for parents, but if teens don’t get love, security, and a feeling of safety from their family, they might look elsewhere, even toward friends who are a bad influence, such as gang members.

One of the best ways parents can help their teenagers stay safe is to teach them how to avoid violence.

Positive communication is very important.

Good communication involves talking and listening with your teenager.

Your goal is to have open, respectful, and honest conversations.

Teens need to feel loved and that their point of view is respected, even when you disagree. (AAP)

Respect your child’s thoughts and opinions without judging them. Support your child’s interests and strengths, but don’t force things.

(National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, NICHD)

Parents need to be careful about how they express approval or disapproval. Parents who are harsh in their disapproval may hurt their children’s self-esteem; parents who never express disapproval may raise children who can’t deal with any criticism.

Try to find a balance between expressions of approval and disapproval. Be consistent in your rewards and punishments. (NICHD)

References

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)

National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD)