Sue Scheff - Connect with Kids on Bullying

Bullying Trauma Lasts for Years


Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

Robert Seith CWK Producer

“Now, I don’t want to be alarming to parents, but kids who have chronic and serious bullying from a young age on, they’re at risk for adult psychological difficulties and even suicide.”
– Sandra Graham, Ph.D., psychologist

The school years can be tough for victims of bullies, but new research reports that the psychological harm of bullying often continues for years or even decades.

Seventeen-year-old Bill says that for him, being bullied started in elementary school when he was a little overweight. He was bullied and called names.

“Faggot, gay, stupid, idiot, fat. That’s about it. Faggot and gay were the ones they really hit on the most,” says Bill.

The bullying continued until all Bill felt was the hurt.

“By my 8th grade year I had no self esteem and I really felt like I had nothing on the inside. I just felt like a walking shell, like there was nothing I could do, and I would always be upset,” says Bill.

It turns out that “always” may not be an exaggeration. According to a study reported in the Pediatrics Journal, the hurt continues long after the bullying ends.

The study reports that when bullied kids grow up, they’re more likely to suffer from serious anxiety disorders.

“Now, I don’t want to be alarming to parents, but kids who have chronic and serious bullying from a young age on, they’re at risk for adult psychological difficulties and even suicide,” says Sandra Graham, Ph.D., psychologist.

That’s why experts recommend a two-step process to help your child. First, do everything you can to stop the bullying or remove the child from that environment.

Second, get professional help for the child to improve his or her self-image and help understand the issues.

Graham says that kids need to know “you have an opportunity to redefine your identity, and not necessarily carry your victim reputation with you. We want kids to know and understand that this is not something that is going to be with you for the rest of your life,”.

Bill says he will do his best to put the bullying behind him, even though he says it robbed him of his childhood.

“I’m starting to grow up. I know I’m never going to get that back. I can try to do the best right now to live my life to the fullest,” says Bill.

Tips for Parents

Remember that being bullied is not your fault, and there’s nothing wrong with you.

No one deserves to be bullied! (Canadian Red Cross)

Bullying isn’t just physical violence -- threatening someone, laughing at them, taunting them, starting nasty rumors about them or not letting them hang out with you or your friends is all bullying. (Canadian Red Cross)

If you feel safe doing so, tell an adult you trust that you are being bullied. Keep telling until you get help. (Canadian Red Cross)

Don't give the bully a chance. As much as you can, avoid the bully. Stand tall and be brave. When you're scared of another person, you're probably not feeling your bravest. But sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully. (Nemours Foundation)

Get a buddy (and be a buddy). Two is better than one if you're trying to avoid being bullied.

Make a plan to walk with a friend or two on the way to school or at recess or lunch, or wherever you think you might meet the bully. Offer to do the same if a friend is having bully trouble. (Nemours Foundation)

Parents, remember that you are a role model for your child. Your child is bonded with you. That is why he or she wants to be like you, at least when he or she is young.

Often, whatever you do, your child will do. Whatever you say or believe, your child will repeat. (United States Department of Health and Human Services)

Once the facts are on the table, a detailed plan must be drawn up regarding how you and the school together can put an end to the bullying. (AAP)

References

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)
Nemours Foundation
United States Department of Health and Human Services
Canadian Red Cross