Sue Scheff - Inflated Self Esteem with Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just be happy about yourself, feel confident in what you can do.”

– Tyler, age 17

Self-esteem is important. “Well of course!” agrees 16-year-old Annie.

“The lower self-esteem you have the more people can pick on you, the more people can mess around and make jokes about you, that’s just how it is nowadays,” explains 17-year-old Tyler.

Researchers from San Diego State University studied annual surveys given to high school seniors since 1975. They found that self-esteem among teens is at its highest level ever.

One example: 65 percent felt confident that they would be successful at their job, compared to just 49 percent back in 1975.

Experts point to the trend in the late 70s, where parents and teachers used praise to boost self-esteem … sometimes instead of kids actually earning praise and recognition.

“To feel good about ourselves, we need things to feel good about,” says Dr. Frank Phajares, Clinical Psychologist. “We need accomplishments, we need mastery experiences, we need real competencies. And when we succeed, that’s when we feel good about ourselves.”

Studies show that earned self-esteem is powerful: kids tend to perform better when they feel good about themselves and are better able to get through disappointments and difficulties in life.

But, experts warn, praise without accomplishment is risky.

“If we just focus on making kids feel good and liking themselves, then I think we are missing the boat and I think we are raising little tyrants who are self-centered, selfish and could disregard other people.”

Tips for Parents


A general increase in the self-esteem of American children is good news, right? Researchers at San Diego State University aren’t so sure. Their study of adolescents and college students from the 1970s to 2000s does show an overall increase in self-esteem, but suggests that the increase is not due to improvements in children’s behavior. Instead, the increase could be the result of educators and parents urging children to feel better about themselves. “The larger social environment is affecting self-esteem, rather than vice versa,” the study’s authors conclude. “The culture we create has an impact on our children’s feelings about themselves.”

Why is self-esteem important in children? According to the National Network for Child Care (NNCC), how children feel about themselves affects the way they act. Most of the time, children with high self-esteem will:

Make friends easily.
Show enthusiasm for new activities.
Be cooperative and follow age-appropriate rules.
Control their behavior.
Play by themselves and with other children.
Like to be creative and have their own ideas.
Be happy, full of energy, and talk to others without much encouragement.
What can you do to help children build high self-esteem? The NNCC offers the following suggestions:

Praise each child's successes (even very small ones). Praise each child who tries hard.
Give sincere affection. Let children know that they are loved and wanted.
Show interest in each child's activities, projects, or problems.
Tell children what to do instead of what not to do. This prepares them for what to do.
Instead of: "Don't throw the ball," say: "Roll the ball on the floor." Instead of: "Don't squeeze the kitten," say: "Hold the kitten gently."
Let children know that mistakes are a natural part of growing up. Everyone (including adults) makes mistakes.
Try to ignore temper tantrums and other negative behavior as much as possible.
Show appreciation when children cooperate, help you, say kind things to other children, obey the rules, and do other positive things.

Remember that learning new skills takes time and practice. Children do not learn new skills all at once.
Respond affectionately when children behave well. Tell children what you like about their behavior.
Let children know that you believe in them and expect them to do well.

References
Personality and Social Psychology Review
National Network for Child Care