Do you know about the video games your kids just received for the holidays? Be an educated parent - keep informed. Connect with Kids offers great parenting tips to help you.
Source: Connect with Kids www.connectwithkids.com
Violent Video Games
“You can do anything. Just try to kill him.”
– T.J Trimmer, 12-year-old video game player
12-year-old T. J. Trimmer is playing one of his favorite video games- Mortal Kombat.
The goal, he says simply, is to beat your opponent. “You can do anything,” T.J. says, his fingers frantically manipulating dials and buttons. “Just try to kill him. Like right now I’m attacking this guy with, like, punches and kicks. There are all these special moves that you can use…You attack your opponent….it’ll do more damage to him when you have one of (these) weapons.”
But according to new research from Iowa State University, T.J. isn’t just hurting his opponents.
Researchers studies over 1,500 kids and found that the children who played violent video games were more aggressive afterwards than those who did not.
“They’re not just releasing aggression,” says child psychiatrist Dr. Adolph Casal. “They’re practicing aggression. When we practice something, we get good at it. If we don’t practice something, we don’t get good at it. So spending a considerable amount of time in an aggressive, violent situation on a daily basis, is going to improve our aggression skills.”
Of course, T.J. disagrees. “Like this way, you take your anger out on someone else, but you don’t really take it out on someone. You can take it out on this.”
Experts say parents need to set rules about which games they will allow their children to play and for how long.
Tips for Parents
The video-game industry has undergone a dramatic change since the birth of Super Mario, the happy acrobat who once thrilled children for hours as they played with their Nintendo systems. Today, dark and adult-themed games like Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat are outselling kids’ games. Even Nintendo has switched gears by offering games with edgier subjects like the zombies featured in Resident Evil.
Why has the landscape of the video-game industry undergone such drastic change? Consider these statistics from the Entertainment Software Association:
The average game player is 35 years old and has been playing games for 13 years.
The average age of the most frequent game purchaser is 40 years old.
Forty percent of all game players are women. In fact, women over the age of 18 represent a significantly greater portion of the game-playing population (33 percent) than boys age 17 or younger (18 percent).
In 2008, 26 percent of Americans over the age of 50 played video games, an increase from nine percent in 1999.
Thirty-six percent of heads of households play games on a wireless device, such as a cell phone or PDA, up from 20 percent in 2002.
In its annual report at the end of 2008, the consumer watchdog organization the National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF) gave the video-game industry nearly straight-A’s, with particularly high grades in the rating system and retail policies.
Parents, on the other hand, scored an “incomplete” by NIMF, due mainly to their lack of attention to the ratings system and because most don’t use the parental control features on game consoles.
As a parent, how can you prevent your child from becoming exposed to violent or sexually explicit media? You can start by familiarizing yourself with the video game rating system. The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) rates every video and computer game for age appropriateness (located on the front of the packaging) and, when appropriate, labels games with content descriptions. The ESRB’s current rating standard is as follows:
E: Everyone
T: Teens (13 and older)
M: Mature audiences (17 and older)
AO: Adults only
Children Now, a research and action organization, offers these additional tips for helping you to choose the right video games for your child:
Know your child. Different children handle situations differently. Regardless of age, if your child becomes aggressive or unsettled after playing violent video games, don’t buy games with violence in them. Likewise, if your child likes playing games with characters that look like her or him, purchase games with characters that fit the bill.
Read more than the ratings. While the ESRB ratings can be helpful, they do not tell the whole story. Some features that you may consider violent or sexual may not be labeled as such by the ESRB. In addition, the ESRB does not rate games for the positive inclusion of females or characters of color. The language on the packaging may give you a better idea of the amount and significance of violence and sexuality and the presence of gender and racial diversity or stereotypes in the game.
Go online. The ESRB website provides game ratings as well as definitions of the rating system. In addition, you can visit game maker and distributor websites to learn more about the contents of a game. Some have reviews that will provide even more information about the game.
Rent before you buy. Many video rental stores also rent video games and consoles. Take a trial run before you purchase a game.
Talk to other parents. Find out which games other parents like and dislike as well as which games they let your child play when he or she visits their house. This is a good way to learn about the games that your child enjoys and those that other parents approve of, and to let other parents know which games you do not want your child playing.
Play the games with your child. Know what your child is being exposed to and how he or she reacts to different features in the games.
Talk about what you see. If your child discovers material that he or she finds disturbing or that you find inappropriate, talk about it. This is a great opportunity to let your child know what your values are as well as to help him or her deal with images that may be troubling.
Set limits. If you are worried that your child spends too much time playing video games, limit the amount of time or specify the times of day that video games can be played.
Put the games in a public space. Just as with the Internet, keep your game consoles and computers in public family space so that you can be aware of the material your child is viewing.
Contact the game makers. If you find material that you think is offensive or inappropriate, let the people who make and sell the games know about it. Likewise, let game makers know if you think that a game provides healthy messages or images. They do care what you think!
To make your search easier, the NIMF cites the following video games that are either positive for children or contain negative images for children to avoid:
Positive games for your child:
Guitar Hero World Tour
Rock Band 2
Rock Revolution
Spider-Man: Web of Shadows
Shaun White Snowboard
Games that are inappropriate for your child:
Blitz: The League II
Dead Space
Fallout 3
Far Cry 2
Gears of War 2
Legendary
Left 4 Dead
Resistance 2
Saints Row 2
Silent Hill: Homecoming
References
Children Now
Entertainment Software Rating Board
Federal Trade Commission
Interactive Digital Software Association
Iowa State University
National Institute on Media and the Family
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Sue Scheff: More Kids Value Giving
Source: Connect with Kids
“You don’t get paid, but see that’s not the issue really, the issue is just helping out and you have fun while you do it.”
– Vishnu Kuttappan, 16 years old
For years, Vishnu wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a doctor. But after volunteering at a hospital, he’s not so sure. “It’s kind of a battle,” Vishnu says, “between me, you know, sticking to medicine—and I like medicine a lot—or trying something new.”
Vishnu is part of a new trend among teens who volunteer in order not only to help their community, but also to choose a career.
“If you want to go into medicine,” Vishnu says, “you know, you can learn facts all you want, but until you’re in a hospital, you won’t really experience what it’s like.”
Teens say volunteering also teaches them respect and compassion for others.
“You don’t get paid, but see that’s not the issue really, the issue is just helping out and you have fun while you do it.”
Vishnu’s father, Dr. Muthu Kuttappan says, “I think that’s a very encouraging step and I hope other students follow, get a first hand knowledge of what is the real world.”
Experts add that when teens volunteer they are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and are more apt to do well in school.
Hospital Volunteer Coordinator Susan Esslinger says, “Hopefully when they’re 40, 50, 60, 70 years old, they’ll still have that sense of volunteerism in giving back to the community, whether it’s at a hospital or a soup kitchen or whatever the place may be.”
Tips for Parents
While many adults are convinced of a decline in the values and morals of today’s young people, recent surveys show that many teens are giving of their time to work for causes they believe in and to help those that are less fortunate. Teens find volunteer opportunities through religious organizations, school-based programs and community agencies.
There are several reasons why teens choose to volunteer:
Compassion for people in need
Feeling they can do something for a cause in which they believe
A belief that if they help others, others will help them
In addition, some teens volunteer their time in occupational fields in which they are interested. In addition to being helpful, they are able to use their experiences in deciding on future career choices.
Teens reported benefiting from their volunteer experiences in many ways, including:
Learning to respect others
Learning to be helpful and kind
Learning to understand people who are different from them
Developing leadership skills
Becoming more patient
Gaining a better understanding of good citizenship
Exploring or learning about career options
Developing new career goals
Children learn from their parents. The survey showed teens that reported having positive role models were nearly twice as likely to volunteer as those who did not. Encourage your child to volunteer by setting an example.
Youth Service America provides additional ways to increase teen volunteerism:
Ask them to volunteer.
Encourage youth to get involved at an early age. Volunteering when young creates lifelong adult volunteers.
Encourage children and young adults to participate in community groups, faith-based organizations, student government, and school projects.
Encourage a positive self-image so that young people are able to help others and contribute to their communities.
Be a mentor in your community.
Provide young people with opportunities to take courses that include and even require community service.
References
The Higher Education Research Institute
The Independent Sector
Youth Service America
– Vishnu Kuttappan, 16 years old
For years, Vishnu wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a doctor. But after volunteering at a hospital, he’s not so sure. “It’s kind of a battle,” Vishnu says, “between me, you know, sticking to medicine—and I like medicine a lot—or trying something new.”
Vishnu is part of a new trend among teens who volunteer in order not only to help their community, but also to choose a career.
“If you want to go into medicine,” Vishnu says, “you know, you can learn facts all you want, but until you’re in a hospital, you won’t really experience what it’s like.”
Teens say volunteering also teaches them respect and compassion for others.
“You don’t get paid, but see that’s not the issue really, the issue is just helping out and you have fun while you do it.”
Vishnu’s father, Dr. Muthu Kuttappan says, “I think that’s a very encouraging step and I hope other students follow, get a first hand knowledge of what is the real world.”
Experts add that when teens volunteer they are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and are more apt to do well in school.
Hospital Volunteer Coordinator Susan Esslinger says, “Hopefully when they’re 40, 50, 60, 70 years old, they’ll still have that sense of volunteerism in giving back to the community, whether it’s at a hospital or a soup kitchen or whatever the place may be.”
Tips for Parents
While many adults are convinced of a decline in the values and morals of today’s young people, recent surveys show that many teens are giving of their time to work for causes they believe in and to help those that are less fortunate. Teens find volunteer opportunities through religious organizations, school-based programs and community agencies.
There are several reasons why teens choose to volunteer:
Compassion for people in need
Feeling they can do something for a cause in which they believe
A belief that if they help others, others will help them
In addition, some teens volunteer their time in occupational fields in which they are interested. In addition to being helpful, they are able to use their experiences in deciding on future career choices.
Teens reported benefiting from their volunteer experiences in many ways, including:
Learning to respect others
Learning to be helpful and kind
Learning to understand people who are different from them
Developing leadership skills
Becoming more patient
Gaining a better understanding of good citizenship
Exploring or learning about career options
Developing new career goals
Children learn from their parents. The survey showed teens that reported having positive role models were nearly twice as likely to volunteer as those who did not. Encourage your child to volunteer by setting an example.
Youth Service America provides additional ways to increase teen volunteerism:
Ask them to volunteer.
Encourage youth to get involved at an early age. Volunteering when young creates lifelong adult volunteers.
Encourage children and young adults to participate in community groups, faith-based organizations, student government, and school projects.
Encourage a positive self-image so that young people are able to help others and contribute to their communities.
Be a mentor in your community.
Provide young people with opportunities to take courses that include and even require community service.
References
The Higher Education Research Institute
The Independent Sector
Youth Service America
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Pro-Ana Websites - Teens and Eating Disorders
Source: Connect with Kids
“I would never want to look at one. I think that would be really depressing to tell you the truth.”
– Mary Hardin, 14 years old
What Mary doesn’t want to see, to millions others is just a few key words and mouse clicks away.
“Who’s the skinniest and how can they stay the skinniest (or) here’s how you can have only one thing to eat all day or how you can survive on water and gum,” explains Bryna Livingston, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in eating disorders.
Livingston is referring to pro-anorexia websites – where girls are applauded for losing weight and surviving hunger – that are emerging on the Internet. On many such sites, anorexics journal thoughts and feelings and even post pictures of their thin celebrity idols.
“It’s a pseudo-support group, and the problem is you’re not really getting support,” says Livingston. “You’re feeding a competition. You’re feeding a disease, and you’re feeding what you want to hear so you don’t have to make any changes.”
For Mary Hardin, change was hard. She struggled with anorexia for three years. These websites, she says, spell danger. “I think (the websites) could have really made me worse and (made me) fall more into my eating disorder and encouraged me more,” she says. “That’s the last thing I needed was to be encouraged to be in an eating disorder.”
Experts say parents of anorexics have to show tough love, especially if their child is being enticed by these Internet sites. “I’d turn off the computer. I’d get it out of the house,” says Livingston.
Mary’s advice: “Listen to who you trust. Do you trust your family and your friends, or do you trust these people (on the Internet) that you don’t even know that are trying to give you lessons about your life?”
Luckily, Mary avoided the lure of anorexia websites when she was struggling with her illness. After years of therapy and family support, she says she is now healed. “It is possible to recover and to be a healthy girl with a happy life after it all,” she says. “There is hope to get through it.”
Tips for Parents
Many dangerous places exist in cyberspace, especially for those with body image difficulties. A quick, easy Google search can produce a long list of pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia websites – places where those who suffer from eating disorders (ED) support each other and establish a sense of community. There are at least 100 active pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia sites. Some statistics state that several of these sites have accumulated tens of thousands of hits. Many sites treat eating disorders as lifestyle choices, rather than the illnesses they truly are. Most personify anorexia (“Ana”) and bulimia (“Mia”) into companions – individuals one can look to for guidance and strength.
The medical community classifies eating disorders as mental illnesses. Experts say girls with eating disorders focus on their bodies in a misguided bid to resolve deeper psychological issues, believing that they can fix their inner troubles by achieving a perfect outside. Eating disorder specialists say pro-anorexia sites are particularly dangerous since those suffering from the disease are usually in deep denial and cling to the illness to avoid dealing with its psychological underpinnings. Websites that glorify eating disorders make treatment increasingly difficult.
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
There are an estimated 7 million females and 1 million males suffering from eating disorders in the United States.
The Harvard Eating Disorders Center estimates that 3 percent of adolescent women and girls have anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorders.
Four-of-five 13-year-old girls have attempted to lose weight.
One study showed that 42 percent of first- through third-grade girls want to be thinner.
About 1 percent of females between 10 and 20 have anorexia nervosa. Between 2 percent and 3 percent of young women develop bulimia nervosa. Almost half of all anorexics will develop bulimia or bulimic patterns.
Without treatment, up to 20 percent of people with serious eating disorders die. With treatment, the mortality rate falls to 2 to 3 percent. The recovery rate with treatment is about 60 percent. Alas, only 10 percent of those with eating disorders receive treatment.
Pro-ED sites are just one reason why parents need to monitor children’s online behavior. In the web journals or logs (blogs) of these sites, users share near-starvation diets, offer tips for coping with hunger and detail ways to avoid the suspicions of family members. They post "thinspiration" – images from the media of their ideal celebrities, such as supermodel Kate Moss and the Olsen twins. They discuss extreme calorie restriction and weight loss through laxatives, diet pills and purging (self-induced vomiting).
Between the ages of 8 and 14, females naturally gain at least 40 pounds.
More than half of teenage girls are – or think they should be – on diets.
Websites were changing the very culture surrounding eating disorders, making them more acceptable to girls on and off the Internet.
Pro-ED sites thrive off the denial aspect of the illnesses while promoting the perceived benefits of having an eating disorder.
References
Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders, Inc.
Harvard Eating Disorders Center
The National Institute of Mental Health
Reuters
Socialist Voice of Women
South Carolina Department of Mental Health
“I would never want to look at one. I think that would be really depressing to tell you the truth.”
– Mary Hardin, 14 years old
What Mary doesn’t want to see, to millions others is just a few key words and mouse clicks away.
“Who’s the skinniest and how can they stay the skinniest (or) here’s how you can have only one thing to eat all day or how you can survive on water and gum,” explains Bryna Livingston, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in eating disorders.
Livingston is referring to pro-anorexia websites – where girls are applauded for losing weight and surviving hunger – that are emerging on the Internet. On many such sites, anorexics journal thoughts and feelings and even post pictures of their thin celebrity idols.
“It’s a pseudo-support group, and the problem is you’re not really getting support,” says Livingston. “You’re feeding a competition. You’re feeding a disease, and you’re feeding what you want to hear so you don’t have to make any changes.”
For Mary Hardin, change was hard. She struggled with anorexia for three years. These websites, she says, spell danger. “I think (the websites) could have really made me worse and (made me) fall more into my eating disorder and encouraged me more,” she says. “That’s the last thing I needed was to be encouraged to be in an eating disorder.”
Experts say parents of anorexics have to show tough love, especially if their child is being enticed by these Internet sites. “I’d turn off the computer. I’d get it out of the house,” says Livingston.
Mary’s advice: “Listen to who you trust. Do you trust your family and your friends, or do you trust these people (on the Internet) that you don’t even know that are trying to give you lessons about your life?”
Luckily, Mary avoided the lure of anorexia websites when she was struggling with her illness. After years of therapy and family support, she says she is now healed. “It is possible to recover and to be a healthy girl with a happy life after it all,” she says. “There is hope to get through it.”
Tips for Parents
Many dangerous places exist in cyberspace, especially for those with body image difficulties. A quick, easy Google search can produce a long list of pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia websites – places where those who suffer from eating disorders (ED) support each other and establish a sense of community. There are at least 100 active pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia sites. Some statistics state that several of these sites have accumulated tens of thousands of hits. Many sites treat eating disorders as lifestyle choices, rather than the illnesses they truly are. Most personify anorexia (“Ana”) and bulimia (“Mia”) into companions – individuals one can look to for guidance and strength.
The medical community classifies eating disorders as mental illnesses. Experts say girls with eating disorders focus on their bodies in a misguided bid to resolve deeper psychological issues, believing that they can fix their inner troubles by achieving a perfect outside. Eating disorder specialists say pro-anorexia sites are particularly dangerous since those suffering from the disease are usually in deep denial and cling to the illness to avoid dealing with its psychological underpinnings. Websites that glorify eating disorders make treatment increasingly difficult.
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
There are an estimated 7 million females and 1 million males suffering from eating disorders in the United States.
The Harvard Eating Disorders Center estimates that 3 percent of adolescent women and girls have anorexia, bulimia or binge-eating disorders.
Four-of-five 13-year-old girls have attempted to lose weight.
One study showed that 42 percent of first- through third-grade girls want to be thinner.
About 1 percent of females between 10 and 20 have anorexia nervosa. Between 2 percent and 3 percent of young women develop bulimia nervosa. Almost half of all anorexics will develop bulimia or bulimic patterns.
Without treatment, up to 20 percent of people with serious eating disorders die. With treatment, the mortality rate falls to 2 to 3 percent. The recovery rate with treatment is about 60 percent. Alas, only 10 percent of those with eating disorders receive treatment.
Pro-ED sites are just one reason why parents need to monitor children’s online behavior. In the web journals or logs (blogs) of these sites, users share near-starvation diets, offer tips for coping with hunger and detail ways to avoid the suspicions of family members. They post "thinspiration" – images from the media of their ideal celebrities, such as supermodel Kate Moss and the Olsen twins. They discuss extreme calorie restriction and weight loss through laxatives, diet pills and purging (self-induced vomiting).
Between the ages of 8 and 14, females naturally gain at least 40 pounds.
More than half of teenage girls are – or think they should be – on diets.
Websites were changing the very culture surrounding eating disorders, making them more acceptable to girls on and off the Internet.
Pro-ED sites thrive off the denial aspect of the illnesses while promoting the perceived benefits of having an eating disorder.
References
Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders, Inc.
Harvard Eating Disorders Center
The National Institute of Mental Health
Reuters
Socialist Voice of Women
South Carolina Department of Mental Health
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Sue Scheff - Profanity on TV
Source: Connect with Kids
“If you’re a teenage boy and you’re hanging with a bunch of your peers and you get the reputation as the guy whose offended by a cuss word, you will be teased unmercifully.”
– Robert Kleemeier, Ph.D., Psychologist
A fight at the batting cage and one kid expresses his anger with profanity: “shut the f..k up … you fat...”
If you think words like that are shocking to kids- think again. Cussing is common in their conversations.
“I say s..t, I say damn, but when I get mad I say f..k,” says 14-year-old MaryLou.
15-year-old Bobby says, “F..k, damn, b..ch.”
And 11-year-old Sara says “S..t,” but only “when something happens.”
In fact, some experts say in some kids social circles swearing is not just accepted, but expected. “If you’re a teenage boy and you’re hanging with a bunch of your peers and you get the reputation as the guy who’s offended by a cuss word, you will be teased unmercifully,” explains psychologist Dr. Robert Kleemeier.
Bobby agrees, “I think it’s just a manlier way to express yourself.”
Experts estimate that some kids use profanity upwards of 80 times a day. They say it’s, in part, due to television.
In fact, according to the Parents Television Council, the use of swear words on T-V has nearly doubled in the past ten years.
But, experts say, pop culture aside, it’s what parents teach about swearing that matters most.
“They’re gonna hear the words anyway,” Kleemeier says, “but I think the fewer times they hear it, the more they see you deal with frustrations without cursing, the better off they’re gonna be.”
And he says parents need to be consistent, clear and creative about what language is right and wrong. “If they’re angry, give them some words to express their anger, if they’re feeling hurt, give them some words to express their hurt that are acceptable to you family.”
Tips for Parents
Adults and kids have practiced cursing and swearing for years, and in most places, you can let it all out without being strong-armed by the law. However, some places will enforce legal action as a way to keep bad language under control. In fact, a Michigan man was convicted under an 1897 statute for public swearing in the hearing distance of children after his canoe capsized.
For years, the federal government has done its part in keeping the stench of foul words out of the airwaves. In 1978, the U.S. Supreme Court addressed the matter of certain curse words being broadcast on the radio. The case was brought forth by the Pacifica Foundation, who received a letter of reprimand for airing comedian George Carlin’s “Filthy Words” on its station, WBAI. In the monologue, Carlin states seven deadly words unacceptable for broadcast media. The Supreme Court established the rule of “pervasiveness,” meaning that because of the media’s broad reach, it would be difficult to keep children from hearing the content and allows for government regulations.
When kids curse, most adults look at them in shock, yet cursing is such a common part of everyday language. According to Dr. Timothy Jay, a professor and author of Cursing in America, cursing has its merits. Jay says its use is a way to express certain feelings, like frustration and anger, without acting out physically.
Why then do we look in dismay at children who curse? Probably because of a little concept called “manners.” There are certain behaviors that “civilized” people don’t engage in, or if they do, it’s only in certain environments. Usually when small kids start to use curse words, they don’t even know what they are saying and are probably just repeating what they heard an older person say. If they are told not to say certain words and are not exposed to those words, they usually will stop.
Older children and teens, on the other hand, have a clearer idea of what curse words mean and exactly how to use them. Many times, teens go through stages of rebelliousness and are fascinated with behaviors that are “taboo.” Using curse words is just one of those behaviors, and, over time, most of them usually learn to watch their language, too.
References
Parents Television Council
U.S. Supreme Court
“If you’re a teenage boy and you’re hanging with a bunch of your peers and you get the reputation as the guy whose offended by a cuss word, you will be teased unmercifully.”
– Robert Kleemeier, Ph.D., Psychologist
A fight at the batting cage and one kid expresses his anger with profanity: “shut the f..k up … you fat...”
If you think words like that are shocking to kids- think again. Cussing is common in their conversations.
“I say s..t, I say damn, but when I get mad I say f..k,” says 14-year-old MaryLou.
15-year-old Bobby says, “F..k, damn, b..ch.”
And 11-year-old Sara says “S..t,” but only “when something happens.”
In fact, some experts say in some kids social circles swearing is not just accepted, but expected. “If you’re a teenage boy and you’re hanging with a bunch of your peers and you get the reputation as the guy who’s offended by a cuss word, you will be teased unmercifully,” explains psychologist Dr. Robert Kleemeier.
Bobby agrees, “I think it’s just a manlier way to express yourself.”
Experts estimate that some kids use profanity upwards of 80 times a day. They say it’s, in part, due to television.
In fact, according to the Parents Television Council, the use of swear words on T-V has nearly doubled in the past ten years.
But, experts say, pop culture aside, it’s what parents teach about swearing that matters most.
“They’re gonna hear the words anyway,” Kleemeier says, “but I think the fewer times they hear it, the more they see you deal with frustrations without cursing, the better off they’re gonna be.”
And he says parents need to be consistent, clear and creative about what language is right and wrong. “If they’re angry, give them some words to express their anger, if they’re feeling hurt, give them some words to express their hurt that are acceptable to you family.”
Tips for Parents
Adults and kids have practiced cursing and swearing for years, and in most places, you can let it all out without being strong-armed by the law. However, some places will enforce legal action as a way to keep bad language under control. In fact, a Michigan man was convicted under an 1897 statute for public swearing in the hearing distance of children after his canoe capsized.
For years, the federal government has done its part in keeping the stench of foul words out of the airwaves. In 1978, the U.S. Supreme Court addressed the matter of certain curse words being broadcast on the radio. The case was brought forth by the Pacifica Foundation, who received a letter of reprimand for airing comedian George Carlin’s “Filthy Words” on its station, WBAI. In the monologue, Carlin states seven deadly words unacceptable for broadcast media. The Supreme Court established the rule of “pervasiveness,” meaning that because of the media’s broad reach, it would be difficult to keep children from hearing the content and allows for government regulations.
When kids curse, most adults look at them in shock, yet cursing is such a common part of everyday language. According to Dr. Timothy Jay, a professor and author of Cursing in America, cursing has its merits. Jay says its use is a way to express certain feelings, like frustration and anger, without acting out physically.
Why then do we look in dismay at children who curse? Probably because of a little concept called “manners.” There are certain behaviors that “civilized” people don’t engage in, or if they do, it’s only in certain environments. Usually when small kids start to use curse words, they don’t even know what they are saying and are probably just repeating what they heard an older person say. If they are told not to say certain words and are not exposed to those words, they usually will stop.
Older children and teens, on the other hand, have a clearer idea of what curse words mean and exactly how to use them. Many times, teens go through stages of rebelliousness and are fascinated with behaviors that are “taboo.” Using curse words is just one of those behaviors, and, over time, most of them usually learn to watch their language, too.
References
Parents Television Council
U.S. Supreme Court
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sue Scheff: The Value of the Internet and Parenting
As usual, Connect with Kids offers valuable articles for parents. This week they touch on the critical subject of our kids and the Internet. I know first hand the pros and cons of Cyberspace, however the challenge is getting our children to understand how important it is to protect yourself online and know that the Internet has a vast amount of great information but like with many things in life, you need to be aware of the pitfalls that may come with it.
Source Connect with Kids
“I wasn’t like other kids, you know, they had the Internet at home and I didn’t, so I felt like I was being deprived of something.”
– Ashley, 16 years old
Sixteen-year-old Ashley has always been a good student, but two years ago, she became a better student.
“In my history class, where we had to do a lot of research, I went from a B to an A,” she says.
What made the difference? Ashley believes it was her increased use of the Internet. She always had Web access at school but not at home.
“I wasn’t like other kids, you know, they had the Internet at home and I didn’t, so I felt like I was being deprived of something,” Ashley says.
Researchers, funded by the MacArthur Foundation, observed over 800 teens and their parents. The study found that, sure enough, parents think that spending hours online is unproductive for kids. But, the study also found that online teenagers are learning- socially, technologically … and academically.
“They are spending more time looking at text, so certainly they are going to be exposed to more reading opportunities,“ says Christine Colborne, an English teacher.
“You have to read through the websites,” Ashley says. “You have to read through the links and everything like that. So it does improve reading skills. And I think it improves vocabulary.”
But some experts warn parents to be cautious. Simply having online access is not a guarantee your child is learning.
“Many students are on the Internet simply in chat rooms. They are on the Internet looking up graphical material. They are looking up websites that are not text intensive where they are purchasing things or they are looking up pictures or downloading pictures,” Colborne says.
Ashley’s parents have set up filters on her computer that limit her access to inappropriate sites. Still, she says having the Internet at her fingertips at school and at home has opened a world of opportunities.
“I’m able to meet new friends, new people … to explore new subjects that I never knew about,” she says.
Tips for Parents
Another study by Michigan State University found that contrary to popular belief, spending time surfing the Internet can actually be beneficial to children. The study, which analyzed the Internet use of 120 parents and 140 children, found no negative effect on users’ social involvement or psychological well-being. In fact, researchers say that Internet use actually increased the children’s grade-point averages and standardized test scores.
As a parent, you are faced with the monumental task of monitoring the activities of your child in a world of virtually unlimited sources of information. One of the most expansive, confusing and frightening sources of information available to children today is the Internet.
You can take a number of steps to communicate the appropriate use of the Internet and other technologies to your child. The Cyber Citizen Partnership offers these tips for setting Internet limits for your child:
Be aware of your child’s computer skills and interests. Remember that it takes only a little knowledge to wreak a lot of havoc. Often, kids will develop technical skills and look for ways to challenge themselves.
Focus your child’s interests. If you recognize that your child is interested in exploring computer technology, you can reinforce positive behavior and encourage positive applications of this interest. Ideas include encouraging emailing with friends and family to become comfortable with appropriate and respectful online communication; recommending that your child adopt a position of responsibility in school as a computer monitor to assist classmates with computer use; fostering creative computer use by developing a personal or family website; or suggesting participation in school or community programs that teach in-depth technological skills or offer challenging technical opportunities.
Explore the Internet together. Ask your child to teach you about the Internet, visit educational sites, email questions and participate in online discussions together.
Take advantage of teachable moments. When events or activities arise that provide the right time and place to do so, take advantage of these moments to help your child understand the issues involved in good cyber citizenship. For example, take time to read news articles about hacking or cyber crime incidents to your child and discuss the impact it has had on those involved. Use personal situations to frame the context of these discussions (e.g., ask your child how cyber crimes or irresponsible online behavior could affect friends and family). Address cyber ethics messages as your child conducts research online or shares his experiences on computers at school.
References
Cyber Citizen Partnership
Michigan State University
University of California-Irvine
Source Connect with Kids
“I wasn’t like other kids, you know, they had the Internet at home and I didn’t, so I felt like I was being deprived of something.”
– Ashley, 16 years old
Sixteen-year-old Ashley has always been a good student, but two years ago, she became a better student.
“In my history class, where we had to do a lot of research, I went from a B to an A,” she says.
What made the difference? Ashley believes it was her increased use of the Internet. She always had Web access at school but not at home.
“I wasn’t like other kids, you know, they had the Internet at home and I didn’t, so I felt like I was being deprived of something,” Ashley says.
Researchers, funded by the MacArthur Foundation, observed over 800 teens and their parents. The study found that, sure enough, parents think that spending hours online is unproductive for kids. But, the study also found that online teenagers are learning- socially, technologically … and academically.
“They are spending more time looking at text, so certainly they are going to be exposed to more reading opportunities,“ says Christine Colborne, an English teacher.
“You have to read through the websites,” Ashley says. “You have to read through the links and everything like that. So it does improve reading skills. And I think it improves vocabulary.”
But some experts warn parents to be cautious. Simply having online access is not a guarantee your child is learning.
“Many students are on the Internet simply in chat rooms. They are on the Internet looking up graphical material. They are looking up websites that are not text intensive where they are purchasing things or they are looking up pictures or downloading pictures,” Colborne says.
Ashley’s parents have set up filters on her computer that limit her access to inappropriate sites. Still, she says having the Internet at her fingertips at school and at home has opened a world of opportunities.
“I’m able to meet new friends, new people … to explore new subjects that I never knew about,” she says.
Tips for Parents
Another study by Michigan State University found that contrary to popular belief, spending time surfing the Internet can actually be beneficial to children. The study, which analyzed the Internet use of 120 parents and 140 children, found no negative effect on users’ social involvement or psychological well-being. In fact, researchers say that Internet use actually increased the children’s grade-point averages and standardized test scores.
As a parent, you are faced with the monumental task of monitoring the activities of your child in a world of virtually unlimited sources of information. One of the most expansive, confusing and frightening sources of information available to children today is the Internet.
You can take a number of steps to communicate the appropriate use of the Internet and other technologies to your child. The Cyber Citizen Partnership offers these tips for setting Internet limits for your child:
Be aware of your child’s computer skills and interests. Remember that it takes only a little knowledge to wreak a lot of havoc. Often, kids will develop technical skills and look for ways to challenge themselves.
Focus your child’s interests. If you recognize that your child is interested in exploring computer technology, you can reinforce positive behavior and encourage positive applications of this interest. Ideas include encouraging emailing with friends and family to become comfortable with appropriate and respectful online communication; recommending that your child adopt a position of responsibility in school as a computer monitor to assist classmates with computer use; fostering creative computer use by developing a personal or family website; or suggesting participation in school or community programs that teach in-depth technological skills or offer challenging technical opportunities.
Explore the Internet together. Ask your child to teach you about the Internet, visit educational sites, email questions and participate in online discussions together.
Take advantage of teachable moments. When events or activities arise that provide the right time and place to do so, take advantage of these moments to help your child understand the issues involved in good cyber citizenship. For example, take time to read news articles about hacking or cyber crime incidents to your child and discuss the impact it has had on those involved. Use personal situations to frame the context of these discussions (e.g., ask your child how cyber crimes or irresponsible online behavior could affect friends and family). Address cyber ethics messages as your child conducts research online or shares his experiences on computers at school.
References
Cyber Citizen Partnership
Michigan State University
University of California-Irvine
Friday, December 5, 2008
Parent Training by Connect with Kids
“If we can help parents do a better job at parenting, then you’ll see less and less of children acting out because … acting out is really a symptom usually of what’s happening in the home.”
– Alesia Brooks, area director for Community Solutions, Inc.
Fighting, stealing, lying, cruelty- some psychologists call all of this a “conduct disorder” and according to the American Academy of Adolescent Psychiatry, one in 10 teen girls suffers from the disorder. What’s more, some experts say many of these girls share one thing in common: parents who resist being a parent.
“If we can help parents do a better job at parenting, then you’ll see less and less of children acting out because … acting out is really a symptom usually of what’s happening in the home.”
-- Alesia Brooks, area director for Community Solutions, Inc.
One approach to treating violent teens is gaining popularity across the country. It’s called multi-systemic therapy. The goal is to change the teen – by starting with the parent.
Last year, during a fight with her older sister, 16-year-old Angela pulled a knife. Angela says, “I wasn’t going to hurt her or nothing. I guess I was just threatening her with it.”
Angela was arrested and a judge recommended multi-systemic therapy. A therapist came to the house for five months. But instead of counseling Angela, he focused on her mom.
“Mom had no rules, so Angela didn’t know left from right, right from wrong,” says Alesia Brooks, an area director of home-based services for Community Solutions, Inc., a licensed provider of multi-systemic therapy. “She just did whatever she wanted to do. And if there was a conflict, then the conflict was managed through yelling and screaming.”
First, the counselor helped Angela’s mom Cecilia write a list of rules. Cecilia says, “Well, it was kind of, I had to get used to it myself, to enforcing the rules. And I noticed [having] the rules was much better.”
“If we can help parents do a better job at parenting,” says Brooks, “then you’ll see less and less of children acting out because the children acting out is really a symptom, usually of what’s happening in the home.”
“I was just kind of used to arguing,” adds Angela, “like kind of like how a child would throw a tantrum and get what they want. That’s kind of like how I was doing it when I was 13, 14, 15. And then when [the therapist] came in, he kind of made it that I couldn’t do it no more!”
The idea? Change the parent – and you will change the child.
Brooks says, “We don’t want to be the agent for change because we’re gone, we are not going to be there for the lifetime, the parent will be.”
Cecilia says the therapist helped her listen more, and yell less. “He taught me to communicate, calm down. We talk and try to solve the problem.”
Tips for Parents
– Alesia Brooks, area director for Community Solutions, Inc.
Fighting, stealing, lying, cruelty- some psychologists call all of this a “conduct disorder” and according to the American Academy of Adolescent Psychiatry, one in 10 teen girls suffers from the disorder. What’s more, some experts say many of these girls share one thing in common: parents who resist being a parent.
“If we can help parents do a better job at parenting, then you’ll see less and less of children acting out because … acting out is really a symptom usually of what’s happening in the home.”
-- Alesia Brooks, area director for Community Solutions, Inc.
One approach to treating violent teens is gaining popularity across the country. It’s called multi-systemic therapy. The goal is to change the teen – by starting with the parent.
Last year, during a fight with her older sister, 16-year-old Angela pulled a knife. Angela says, “I wasn’t going to hurt her or nothing. I guess I was just threatening her with it.”
Angela was arrested and a judge recommended multi-systemic therapy. A therapist came to the house for five months. But instead of counseling Angela, he focused on her mom.
“Mom had no rules, so Angela didn’t know left from right, right from wrong,” says Alesia Brooks, an area director of home-based services for Community Solutions, Inc., a licensed provider of multi-systemic therapy. “She just did whatever she wanted to do. And if there was a conflict, then the conflict was managed through yelling and screaming.”
First, the counselor helped Angela’s mom Cecilia write a list of rules. Cecilia says, “Well, it was kind of, I had to get used to it myself, to enforcing the rules. And I noticed [having] the rules was much better.”
“If we can help parents do a better job at parenting,” says Brooks, “then you’ll see less and less of children acting out because the children acting out is really a symptom, usually of what’s happening in the home.”
“I was just kind of used to arguing,” adds Angela, “like kind of like how a child would throw a tantrum and get what they want. That’s kind of like how I was doing it when I was 13, 14, 15. And then when [the therapist] came in, he kind of made it that I couldn’t do it no more!”
The idea? Change the parent – and you will change the child.
Brooks says, “We don’t want to be the agent for change because we’re gone, we are not going to be there for the lifetime, the parent will be.”
Cecilia says the therapist helped her listen more, and yell less. “He taught me to communicate, calm down. We talk and try to solve the problem.”
Tips for Parents
When parents run into problems with a cranky toddler or a difficult teen, they now have a new place to turn for help – a parent coach. According to the Parent Coaching Institute, these individuals are trained with a broad background of education and experiences. Making themselves available by phone, they ask key questions, provide information and offer specific suggestions to help parents address challenges and develop new strategies for dealing with problems at home.
How do you know if parenting coaching is right for your family? Heritage Communications, which offers support and coaching services to families, cites the following types of parents who could benefit from hiring a parent coach:
Parents of older adopted children
Parents of challenging children
Parents dealing with adoption adjustment issues
Parents of children with RAD (reactive attachment disorder)
Parents looking for new parenting techniques to use with their children
Parents who don’t have a support system that truly understands the issues
Parents feeling overwhelmed
Parents taking their children to therapy but in need of parent support
Power struggles with teens are not uncommon. Whether or not you have a parent coach for support, as a parent, it is your responsibility to diffuse the situation in a calm manner. Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline, offers parents the following advice for reducing power struggles within the home:
After realizing you may be actually promoting the power struggles with your teen, you can decide to not fight and to not give in. Disengage from the fight and try to remain emotionally cool and calm. Without anger, the power struggle will diminish because your teen will have no one to fight against.
Give up the concept that you can make your teen do anything. Instead, inspire, teach, influence, lead, guide, motivate, stimulate and encourage your teen to positive, cooperative behavior. Catch him or her being good!
When disengaging, you need to act, not speak. For example, a temper tantrum becomes ineffective and silly if you withdraw to the other room – with slamming of doors.
Later, during a cooled-down period, you can talk about what you want from your teen. You can say, in a loving, accepting tone, “Son, after school, would you prefer to do your homework in the office or at the kitchen table?” If your teen feels personal power through choices, then he or she does not feel the need for power through conflict.
References
Community Solutions, Inc.
Heritage Communications
Multisystemic Therapy Services
Parent Coaching Institute
Positive Discipline
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Sue Scheff: Teen Court
Source: Connect with Kids
“[I]t feels like at times you have more … power in the school system and more of a chance to make a decision for others and help make decisions.”
– Anthony Mayson, 14 years old
“Can you all please stand and raise your right hand,” the bailiff says as he administers the oath to the eight jurors about to hear a case.
Meanwhile, in another room, the “attorneys” prepare their cases for the prosecution and the defense while the judge prepares to enter the courtroom.
There’s only one unusual thing about everyone involved in this court proceeding: All of the participants are high school students. However, the cases they handle are real.
Eight years ago, about 80 youth court programs existed across the country. Today, that number has increased to more than a thousand.
Fourteen-year-old Anthony Mayson says participating in the teen court gives him – and the other students involved – a real feeling of empowerment.
“It feels good. And it feels like at times you have more … power in the school system and more of a chance to make a decision for others and help make decisions,” Anthony says. “[It gives you a chance to] not only be a younger person but be able to be at the same level as an adult.”
Most teen courts handle minor discipline problems ranging from insubordination to first-offense truancy. Teen courts do have power. The sentences are limited to written apologies or hours of community service, but the indictment, the defense, the prosecution and the verdict are handled entirely by the students.
John De Caro, a teen court coordinator, says the youth court helps demystify the legal process for teens and makes them feel like they’re part of the system.
“[It helps break] down the barrier between the “us” and “them” that usually exists,” De Caro says. “And this way, it’s sort of in their own hands and they feel as though they have an actual stake in the system.”
Experts say that parents should encourage their children to participate in a teen court in their community or in their school. If the community doesn’t have a youth court, families should help start one in order to provide their children with the opportunity to learn about responsibility and the consequences of risky behavior.
“It’s no longer something that they just view on television or hear about on the news; it’s actually [something] that they can get a feel for themselves,” says faculty adviser Charlotte Brown.
Tips for Parents
– Anthony Mayson, 14 years old
“Can you all please stand and raise your right hand,” the bailiff says as he administers the oath to the eight jurors about to hear a case.
Meanwhile, in another room, the “attorneys” prepare their cases for the prosecution and the defense while the judge prepares to enter the courtroom.
There’s only one unusual thing about everyone involved in this court proceeding: All of the participants are high school students. However, the cases they handle are real.
Eight years ago, about 80 youth court programs existed across the country. Today, that number has increased to more than a thousand.
Fourteen-year-old Anthony Mayson says participating in the teen court gives him – and the other students involved – a real feeling of empowerment.
“It feels good. And it feels like at times you have more … power in the school system and more of a chance to make a decision for others and help make decisions,” Anthony says. “[It gives you a chance to] not only be a younger person but be able to be at the same level as an adult.”
Most teen courts handle minor discipline problems ranging from insubordination to first-offense truancy. Teen courts do have power. The sentences are limited to written apologies or hours of community service, but the indictment, the defense, the prosecution and the verdict are handled entirely by the students.
John De Caro, a teen court coordinator, says the youth court helps demystify the legal process for teens and makes them feel like they’re part of the system.
“[It helps break] down the barrier between the “us” and “them” that usually exists,” De Caro says. “And this way, it’s sort of in their own hands and they feel as though they have an actual stake in the system.”
Experts say that parents should encourage their children to participate in a teen court in their community or in their school. If the community doesn’t have a youth court, families should help start one in order to provide their children with the opportunity to learn about responsibility and the consequences of risky behavior.
“It’s no longer something that they just view on television or hear about on the news; it’s actually [something] that they can get a feel for themselves,” says faculty adviser Charlotte Brown.
Tips for Parents
Teen courts are real elements of the judicial system that are run by and for young people. In a teen court, all or most of the major players in the courtroom are teens: the lawyers, bailiffs, defendants, jurors, prosecutor, defense attorney and even the judge. A teen court either sets the sentence for teens who have pleaded guilty or tries the case of teens who – with parental approval – have agreed to its jurisdiction.
How many teen courts are there in the United States? What began as just a handful of programs in the 1960s has risen to over 1,000 teen courts in operation, according to the U.S. Justice Department.
The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) says that teen courts are generally used for younger juveniles (ages 10 to 15), those with no prior arrest records and those charged with less serious violations, including the following:
Shoplifting
Vandalism
Illegal alcohol possession
Criminal or malicious mischief
Disorderly conduct
Traffic violations
The OJJDP says that teen courts impose the following types of sentences:
Paying restitution (monetary or in kind)
Attending educational classes
Writing apology letters
Writing essays
Serving jury duty on subsequent cases
According to the National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC), while these courts may vary in composition, responsibilities and operation from town to town, their goal remains the same: to provide teens with an opportunity to take an active role in addressing the problem of juvenile crime within their communities.
Teen courts take advantage of two of the most powerful forces in the life of an adolescent – the desire for peer approval and the reaction to peer pressure. Teens sometimes respond better to their peers than to adult authority figures. Youth courts can be a potentially effective alternative to traditional juvenile courts staffed with paid professionals, such as lawyers, judges and probation officers.
The U.S. Justice Department says that teen courts offer at least four potential benefits:
Accountability: Teen courts may help to ensure that young offenders are held accountable for their illegal behavior, even when their offenses are relatively minor and would not likely result in sanctions from the traditional juvenile justice system.
Timeliness: An effective teen court can move young offenders from arrest to sanctions within a matter of days instead of months that may pass with traditional juvenile courts.
Cost savings: Teen courts usually depend heavily on youth and adult volunteers, with relatively little cost to the community. The average annual cost for operating a teen court is $32,822, according to the National Youth Court Center.
Community cohesion: A well-structured and expansive teen court program can affect the entire community by increasing public appreciation of the legal system, enhancing community-court relationships, encouraging greater respect for the law among teens and promoting volunteerism among both adults and teens.
References
National Crime Prevention Council
U.S. Department of Justice
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