Unpopular Girls Gain Weight by Connect with Kids

“There was nothing I could do about it and … as a result, when you feel that left out, you find comfort in other things. And I think one of the things I found comfort in is food.”

– Sarah, 14

Are girls bullied because they are overweight, or do they gain weight because they are bullied? The findings of a Harvard study may surprise you.

In the 4th grade, Sarah was bullied by several of her classmates.

“They just figured, ‘we’ll be cool,’ whatever cool is, and cool was not talking to me,” says Sarah, 14.

She felt hopeless and alone.

“There was nothing I could do about it and … as a result, when you feel that left out, you find comfort in other things. And I think one of the things I found comfort in is food,” says Sarah.

Researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health followed more than 4,000 girls for two years. They found that girls who ranked themselves at the bottom of the social ladder were 69 percent more likely to gain weight than girls who were perceived to have a higher social standing.

“That kind of chronic experience increases the risk of all kinds of unhealthy ways of coping with the negative experience,” says Dr. Randall Flanery, Ph.D., child clinical psychologist.

Unhealthy coping includes overeating.

“Pushing that emotion down with food … pushing that away from having to deal with it … and the comfort, the one thing that is a nice warm hug, is that food which calms them down and makes them feel like, ‘Okay, I’m alright,’” says Marilyn Tanner, pediatric dietician.

Sarah eventually did make friends at her school. What is her advice today for other kids?

“You have to tell someone because even if they don’t do anything about it, even if the situation isn’t helped, talking about it does wonders,” says Sarah.

Tips for Parents

Many people who use food as a way of dealing with emotions suffer from “binge-eating disorder.” Binge-eating disorder is characterized by recurrent overeating or binge-eating episodes during which a person feels a loss of control over his or her eating. (National Institute of Mental Health, NIMH)
Unlike bulimia, binge-eating episodes are not followed by purging, excessive exercise or fasting. As a result, people with binge-eating disorder often are overweight or obese. They also experience guilt, shame and/or distress about the binge-eating, which can lead to more binge-eating. (NIMH)

Obese people with binge-eating disorder often have coexisting psychological illnesses including anxiety, depression and personality disorders. In addition, links between obesity and cardiovascular disease and hypertension are well documented. (NIMH)
If you are overeating often, there are some things that might help you avoid doing so. For example, instead of eating when you're not hungry, find other ways to keep yourself busy, such as taking a walk or talking on the phone. Try not to snack while doing something else, such as watching TV or doing homework -- that's a set-up for overeating! (Nemours Foundation)
Know yourself and your reputation. Get in touch with your values, interests and beliefs. If you are encountering cliques and/or exclusion at school, it's a good opportunity to ask yourself what you and your true friends give each other. Do you want to be part of a group because you need to feel accepted or because you actually share their values? (Nemours Foundation)
Stay involved in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Keep your social circles open and diverse.
Speak out. If you feel your group of friends is turning into a clique, take a stand for your beliefs. Be prepared that the clique might go on without you (remember many girls feel threatened by someone else's strength). Have a mind of your own.
Be sensitive to others and don't go along with what you don't believe is right — even if others are doing it. You are the only one responsible for your behavior. True friends will respect your mind, your rights and your independent choices. (Nemours Foundation)

References

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Nemours Foundation

Dating Violence and Cell Phones

By Connect with Kids

“It’s a loss that you can’t comprehend; it’s a void that can never be filled again.”

– Tom Santoro, father

Studies show that one in three teenage girls has been in a relationship where she has feared for her safety. One in five has been physically abused; one in four has been verbally abused. Even when your daughter is at home, that doesn’t mean she is out of harm’s way.

“The old saying, “If I can’t have her, no one else can’ came true for Lisa,” says Tom Santoro, Lisa’s father.

Lisa Santoro, 18, was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend.

“It’s a loss that you can’t comprehend; it’s a void that can never be filled again,” says her father.

In the weeks between their break-up and her death, Lisa’s ex-boyfriend, Timothy Bucholz, began stalking her.

“We found out afterwards that he kept calling her after the breakup. We found out he started to follow her around,” says Santoro.

According to a survey by Teenage Research Unlimited, one in three teens is a victim of cyber-stalking -- harassment either by phone calls or text messages.

“He would call and cry, say that he was upset that she had broken up with him. There were other conversations where he started telling her that he wanted all his stuff back,” says Laura Mejia, Lisa’s friend.

Experts say it can be hard to tell that your teen is being stalked, especially if she has her own cell phone. But there are warning signs.

“You see differences in the way your child behaves. There may be depression, there may be isolation, there may be a nervousness around the telephone ringing. There may be telephone calls coming to your child’s cell phone all hours of the night. You hear the phone ring several times, it‘s the same person,” says Kim Frndak, domestic violence specialist.

“Maybe the child sees the caller ID and puts the phone away,” Frndak continues. “They may or may not want to tell you what’s going on, but that’s a big red flag -- the harassing phone calls and stalking behaviors.”

Frndak says if the harassment continues, call the parents of the stalker.

“You may get some resistance, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘I’m going to call’ because chances are if he’s behaving this way towards your daughter, he’s done it in the past with other people,” says Frndak.

“And she has got to realize you’re doing this for her protection. I know as a teenager they don’t like it, but it’s something you have to do as a parent,” says Santoro.

Tips for Parents

Abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual. Slapping, hitting and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships. (Nemours Foundation)


Dating abuse is linked to patterns of violence that may negatively affect future relationships. If your child has been abused or is participating in some of the risky behaviors listed above, encourage him or her to seek help from a doctor or mental health professional to cope with emotions or to learn how to stop unhealthy habits and behaviors. (Nemours Foundation)

Emotional abuse (teasing, bullying and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt. (Nemours Foundation)

You may be involved in an abusive relationship when someone …

harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching.

tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, what you say.

frequently humiliates you or makes you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you).

coerces or threatens to harm you, or harm himself, if you leave the relationship.

twists the truth to make you feel that you are to blame for your his actions.

demands to know where you are at all times.

constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends.
If you believe you are in an abusive relationship and you want to end it, experts recommend:

First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult can help. If the person has physically attacked you, get medical attention or call the police immediately. Don’t wait; assault is illegal, and so is rape — even if it's done by someone you are dating. (Nemours Foundation)

Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support the most. People such as counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them. (Nemours Foundation)

Ending abuse and violence in teen relationships is a community effort with plenty of people ready to help. Seek out crisis centers, teen help lines and abuse hotlines. These organizations have professionally-trained staff to listen, understand and help. (Nemours Foundation)

References
Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff: Invincibility Theory by Connect with Kids

“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm.”

– Allan, 17

It has been said a thousand times: the biggest reason kids drink and drive, take drugs and do all kinds of crazy, dangerous stunts is that they think they’re immortal, invincible and bullet-proof. But is this what teenagers really think?

“It’s a sense of freedom, I guess,” says Allan, 17.

Allan is a self-proclaimed risk-taker.

“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm,” says Allan.

Risky behaviors can include rock-climbing, skydiving, street racing and even unprotected sex. It’s often said that teenagers feel invincible – but do they really feel this way? Researchers at UC San Francisco say no. In fact, they found that teenagers actually overestimate the danger of certain activities. And, while they know there are risks, they think the benefits and the fun are worth it.

“[Teenagers] are -- compared to an adult -- relatively uninformed. And if they are a novice and inexperienced with alcohol, drugs or sex, or any of those things -- as everyone is in the beginning -- they don’t know what to expect. Very often they don’t fully understand the complete nature of the risks they’re taking,” says Jeffrey Rothweiler, Ph.D., clinical psychologist.

“It might be that because the frontal lobes are not yet fully developed during adolescence that they’re more likely to make decisions, that they don’t fully think through the consequences of their actions,” says Elizabeth Sowell, Ph.D., neuroscientist. The prefrontal cortex matures the most between the ages of 12 and 20.

Allan knows there is a potential for injury with some of the risky actions he takes.

“I guess death is a factor, or getting paralyzed or … hitting the ground while you’re climbing. But you just try not to think about it, keep a positive attitude,” says Allan.

But in his mind, the benefits are worth it.

“Just being able to look back and see that you’ve done something. That you’ve accomplished ... a rapid or a rock or a trail or something like that,” says Allan.

Tips for Parents

Research shows that certain approaches to parenting can help prevent teens from engaging in all types of risky behaviors, from drug and alcohol use to dangerous driving to sexual activity. This includes having a warm, loving and close relationship with your teen; setting and consistently enforcing clear rules and consequences; closely monitoring your teen's activities and whereabouts; respecting your teen; and setting a good example, especially when it comes to illicit drug and alcohol use. (Office of National Drug Control Policy)

Encourage safe driving, healthy eating and good school performance; discourage drug use, teen sex and activities that may result in injury. (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, HHS)
Teach healthy habits. Teach your teenager how to maintain a high level of overall health through nutrition, physical fitness and healthy behaviors. Make sure your teen gets eight hours of sleep a night -- a good night’s sleep helps ensure maximum performance in academics and sports. Sleep is the body’s way of storing new information to memory and allowing muscles to heal. (HHS)

Promote safe driving habits. Make sure your teenager uses a seat belt every time he or she is in a car, and ask your child to ensure that all other passengers are wearing their seatbelts when he or she is driving. Encourage your young driver to drive responsibly by following speed limits and avoiding distractions while driving such as talking on a cell phone, focusing on the radio or even looking at fellow passengers instead of the road. (HHS)

Promotion of school success. Help your teen to become responsible for attendance, homework and course selection. Be sure to have conversations with your child about school and show your interest in his or her school activities. (HHS)

Prevent violence. Prevent bullying by encouraging peaceful resolutions and building positive relationships. Teach teens to respect others and encourage tolerance. Teach your teens that there is no place for verbal or physical violence by setting an example with your words and actions and by showing them respect as well. (HHS)

Know the 4“W’s”—who, what, when, where. Always know who your teen is hanging out with, what they will be doing, when and for how long they will be out, and where they will be. And check up on your child. Be aware of the dangers that can arise at teenage parties. Teen parties present an opportunity for your teen to experiment with alcohol or tobacco. One approach is to host the party so you have more control over ensuring that these parties stay safe and fun for everyone involved. (HHS)

References

Office of National Drug Control Policy
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS)

Sue Scheff: Early Alcohol Prevention

by Connect with Kids

“If you have your first drink before age 14, you're 4 times more likely to develop alcoholism in your life than if you wait until after age 20.”

– Susan Tapert, Ph.D.

By the sixth grade most kids are trading in their dolls and toys for other hobbies like organized sports, clubs at school, and endless hours on the Internet. But, according to new research, around age 11, some kids may be trading their barbies for booze. When do most kids start drinking alcohol? Kim was only 12 when she started.

“I was drinking and then I was smoking, and then I tried so many different drugs,” says Kim, 15.

“She was experimenting with drugs and liquor. We had to put all the liquor away in the house, and she was going to friends houses and sampling,” says Jim Skinner, Kim’s father.

According to a study by the University of Minnesota, one in six children start drinking by the sixth grade. Research shows the earlier kids start the more likely they are to become addicted.

“If you have your first drink before age 14, you’re 4 times more likely to develop alcoholism in your life than if you wait until after age 20,” says Susan Tapert, Ph.D.

That’s why, experts say, the first line of defense against alcohol and drugs is parents who talk to their kids often and start when they’re young.

“You know, I can’t tell you how many times parents come in and they have never, never approached the word drugs or alcohol with their kids. They just want to ignore it. If they ignore it- it will go away and their kid won’t be involved,” says Shirley Kaczmarski Ed.D., educational director.

“Let them know the risks of their behaviors, and what the consequences might be and you can help them with handling those situations, and knowing what to do in order to avoid them,” says Rhonda Jeffries, M.D., pediatrician.

After months in counseling and a year in a school for troubled teens Kim is now drug and alcohol free.

“I’m very proud of myself,” says Kim.

The study also found the earlier kids start drinking, the less receptive they are to alcohol prevention programs.

Tips for Parents

Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows the function of the central nervous system. Alcohol actually blocks some of the messages trying to get to the brain. This alters a person's perceptions, emotions, movement, vision, and hearing. (Nemours Foundation)

An effective way for parents to show care and concern is to openly discuss the use and possible abuse of alcohol and other drugs with their teenager.

Warning signs of teenage alcohol and drug abuse may include:

Physical: Fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes, and a lasting cough.

Emotional: personality change, sudden mood changes, irritability, irresponsible behavior, low self-esteem, poor judgment, depression, and a general lack of interest.

Family: starting arguments, breaking rules, or withdrawing from the family.

School: decreased interest, negative attitude, drop in grades, many absences, truancy, and discipline problems.

Social problems: new friends who are less interested in standard home and school activities, problems with the law, and changes to less conventional styles in dress and music.

The Consequences of Underage Drinking:

(National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)

A person who begins drinking as a young teen is four times more likely to develop alcohol dependence than someone who waits until adulthood to use alcohol.

During adolescence significant changes occur in the body, including the formation of new networks in the brain. Alcohol use during this time may affect brain development.

Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among youth ages 15 to 20, and the rate of fatal crashes among alcohol-involved drivers between 16 and 20 years old is more than twice the rate for alcohol-involved drivers 21 and older. Alcohol use also is linked with youthful deaths by drowning, suicide, and homicide.

Alcohol use is associated with many adolescent risk behaviors, including other drug use and delinquency, weapon carrying and fighting, and perpetrating or being the victim of date rape.
Identifying adolescents at greatest risk can help stop problems before they develop. And innovative, comprehensive approaches to prevention, such as Project Northland, are showing success in reducing experimentation with alcohol as well as the problems that accompany alcohol use by young people. (NIAAA)

References

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)

Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff: Swearing Habit with Kids Today

by Connect with Kids

“I cussed again in that class so I got another detention … it’s just in my vocabulary.”

– Tyler, 15

Most four-letter words have been around for centuries, but many educators, authors and parents feel that today’s teens are using those words more than any generation in the past. Teenagers may not think that’s a problem, but experts have a different take.

In a casual conversation between Verona and her friends, you need to “bleep” out a lot of words.

“Everyone swears,” says Verona, 14.

“I mean, it’s nothing big to us,” says Tyler, 15.

Experts estimate that the average teen uses between 80 and 90 swear words a day.

“I see kids all the time now who talk to their parents that way and talk to their friends that way,” says Deborah Christy, English teacher.

Where are kids picking up this language? Researchers say they hear it from each other and from the media, including movies, music and television.

“A lot more is accepted in the 7 to 9 o’clock time on TV. There’s a lot more that is accepted now than 10 years ago. So if kids hear things in the mainstream media, they are going to be more used to it, it’s not going to have the shock value, it’s going to seem more acceptable,” says Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., psychologist.

“When children have seen that happening on television, they think it’s okay for them in their real lives,” says Christy.

The problem is that cussing can become a habit.

“And while your best friend may appreciate that it’s a joke, a stranger won’t, an employer won’t, a teacher won’t,” says Christy.

Tyler got sent to detention for saying the f-word in front of a teacher and then…

“I cussed again in that class so I got another detention …it’s just in my vocabulary,” says Tyler.

Experts say that parents should explain to their children that four-letter words send a message about you and the person you’re talking to.

“It’s a question of respect. It’s the image that I want you to present to the world… it’s how I want to be treated and it’s how others want to be treated,” says Christy.

Tips for Parents

In much of today’s teen culture, it has become acceptable to swear and verbally abuse others -- more than in any previous generation. While parents may not be able to totally prevent abusive language from entering their homes (in music, television and other media), teens should understand the limits their parents set. (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, CAMH)

Language is a powerful means by which teens control the actions of others, including dating partners, parents and peers. Be especially vigilant for expressions that put down others, no matter how "innocent" or "joking" they may seem, and point out what these expressions really communicate. (CAMH)

Try to initiate positive communication with your teenager whenever the opportunity arises. If you are experiencing conflict with your teen over rules, chores, school, peers, etc., talk to them about it, but also attempt to have positive conversations with your teen about other things. (CAMH)

Parents who try and enforce absolutes are often in conflict with their teens and most often are kept in the dark about their activities. The alternative is to discuss choices and the pros and cons of these new-found opportunities in a non-threatening manner, and obtain their understanding in advance of consequences for breach of trust. (CAMH) Connect with Kids research-based DVDs, such as Civil Wars, help parents and teens talk about tough issues in a non-threatening way.

Set high standards and have high expectations for your teens regarding their behavior, and enforce these standards with consistent discipline. However, you should provide an atmosphere of acceptance and psychological autonomy where the teen's views and individuality can develop freely. (CAMH)

References

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH)

Smoking Pot and Lung Damage by Connect with Kids

by Connect with Kids

“This latest study shows that you have destruction of lung tissue, reduction of lung vital capacity and a decreased ability to exhale if you smoke marijuana. What’s probably the most disturbing part of this latest article is that it shows that a cigarette is really much less potent than a joint of marijuana.”

– Fadlo Khuri, M.D., oncologist

According to the latest Monitoring the Future report, more than 40 percent of 12-graders have experimented with marijuana. In fact, it is the most commonly-abused illegal drug. While parents, teachers and physicians have been warning kids about pot for years, new information shows it’s even more dangerous than we thought.

Andrew was 14 years old when he first tried pot.

“I didn’t even inhale it all the way, I just took it into my mouth, but I loved the taste. I knew that I liked it,” says Andrew Wolpa, 18.

From there he experimented with alcohol, painkillers, mushrooms and almost every drug -- except one.

“I never smoked cigarettes because those things will kill ya, you know,” says Wolpa.

But according to a study by the Medical Research Institute of New Zealand, smoking one marijuana joint is equal to smoking five cigarettes at the same time.

“This latest study shows that you have destruction of lung tissue, reduction of lung vital capacity and a decreased ability to exhale if you smoke marijuana. What’s probably the most disturbing part of this latest article is that it shows that a cigarette is really much less potent than a joint of marijuana,” says Fadlo Khuri, M.D., oncologist.

And he says smoking pot can lead to emphysema and lung cancer.

“That’s a real problem because we only cure about 15 to 17 percent of all the people who present with lung cancer nowadays. So this is a disease in which you have a 1-in-6 chance of surviving it for five years or longer,” says Khuri.

Khuri says that talking about painful and serious diseases is one way to persuade kids not to use marijuana.

“Confronting them with the data, showing them what the outcomes are with lung cancer and emphysema, with what some individuals would consider even moderate marijuana or cigarette use,” says Khuri.

Andrew says even though he’s in rehab, he’s not ready to quit.

“I don’t want to be clean yet. I’m not there,” says Wolpa.

Tips for Parents

From the Nemours Foundation:

Marijuana is the most widely used illegal drug in the United States. It is a dry, shredded green/brown mix of flowers, stems, seeds, and leaves of the plant Cannabis Sativa. A stronger form of marijuana called hashish (hash) looks like brown or black cakes or balls. Street names for marijuana include pot, herb, weed, grass, Jane, reefer, dope, and ganja.

Marijuana is typically smoked in cigarettes (joints or spliffs), hollowed-out cigars (blunts), pipes (bowls), or water pipes (bongs). Some people mix it into food or brew it as a tea.

Marijuana is just as damaging to your lungs as cigarettes – and some reports show that it is even worse. Steady users suffer coughs, wheezing, frequent colds, and respiratory infections, such as bronchitis.

There are more than 400 known chemicals in marijuana. A single joint contains four times as much cancer-causing tar as a filtered cigarette. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

References

Nemours Foundation
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Homework Stress by Connect with Kids

“Personally, when I have homework in class, I dread going to class that day. One, to turn in the homework, and two, to review the homework.”
– Paige, 16

It’s a familiar refrain from kids: there’s too much homework, too much reading, too many math problems to solve! But is homework really out of control?

Kate, 16, averages 2 ½ hours of homework a night -- sometimes even more.

“I’d say the most -- maybe three or four hours. It’s definitely on overload,” says Kate.

Are kids overloaded? According to a new survey commissioned by MetLife Insurance, the answer depends on whom you ask. The survey shows that 85 percent of parents say their kids are doing the “right amount” or “too little” homework each night. But 90 percent of kids say they’re stressed out about homework.

“It’s a little hard because I do sports and so it’s kind of hard to balance all of that,” says Jasmyn, 15.

“Personally, when I have homework in class, I dread going to class that day. One, to turn in the homework and two, to review the homework. If I listen in class and take good notes, I usually do well on tests and quizzes, so I don’t think [homework] is reinforcement. If anything, it just makes me kind of dread going to that class,” says Paige, 16.
“It makes me hate school,” says Matt, 16.

“If kids see it as something that is pointless, tedious and even anxiety-producing, of course it’s not going to benefit them,” says Alfie Kohn, education speaker and author of 11 books, including What to Look for in a Classroom.

Some experts say the problem isn’t too much homework -- it’s homework that is too difficult.
“Homework can be overload if the child is simply frustrated. It isn’t that they have too much homework, it’s that they have homework they don’t understand that’s taking them too long to do because of that,” says Frank Pajares, Ph. D.

“You can’t have … a child achieving well academically who is highly anxious. If homework is bringing that, then I think homework is defeating the ultimate purpose, which is for the child to be achieving well,” says Jennifer Obidah, Ph.D., psychologist.

Kate has one good thing to say about homework: it teaches her how to manage her time, which will come in handy in college.

“It kind of prepares you for when you’re not going to have parents sitting there saying, ‘Okay, you need to get going with your math or get going with your history homework.’ It pays off,” says Kate.

Tips for Parents

There are several things you can do to make homework less work. First, create a Homework Plan:

First, be sure you understand the assignment. Write it down in your notebook or day planner if you need to, and don't be afraid to ask questions about what's expected. It's much easier to take a minute to ask the teacher during or after class than to struggle to remember later that night.
Second, use any extra time you have in school to work on your homework. Many schools have study halls that are specifically designed to allow students to study or get homework done. The more work you can get done in school, the less you'll have to do that night.

Third, pace yourself. If you don't finish your homework during school, think about how much you have left and what else is going on that day, and then budget your time. It's a good idea to come up with some kind of homework schedule, especially if you are involved in sports or activities or have an after-school job.

A bedroom, office, or any other room where you can get away from noise and distractions is the best place to get homework done. But don't study on your comfy bed; opt for a desk or table that is comfortable and allows you to set up your computer. (Nemours Foundation)
When you start your homework, tackle the hardest assignments first. It's tempting to start with the easy stuff to get it out of the way, but you'll have the most energy and focus when you begin, so it's best to use this mental power on the subjects that are most challenging. (Nemours Foundation)

Most people's attention spans aren't very long, so take some breaks while doing your homework. Sitting for too long without stretching or relaxing will make you less productive than if you stop every so often. Taking a 15-minute break every hour is a good idea for most people. (Nemours Foundation)

References
Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff: Talking with your children about sex and relationships

By Connect with Kids

Sex & the Silent Parent

Sex. It’s on TV, the Internet, in magazines, movies and music videos. But it’s still one of those topics that is hard for parents and their children to talk about. And that’s a problem, because what kids don’t know – and what they think they know – can hurt them.

Learn how to talk with your kids about sex – in a way that they’ll listen. Order the Sex & the Silent Parent. You’ll learn specific advice about where, when, what and how to talk with your kids about sex.

You may be surprised by what your kids believe about sex. A recent health survey reported that most kids don’t know you can get an STD from oral sex. A majority believes you can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex. And two-thirds of teens that do have sex later say they regret it. It’s up to you to give your children the facts and help them be safe and healthy.

Sex & the Silent Parent provides information to help parents learn when the timing is right to have these conversations and how to answer the questions kids ask. You’ll learn how important it is to discuss the dangers and risks, as well as explain what it means to develop trusting relationships. Kids really do want to talk… and listen… and learn from an adult they trust.

Self Control and Quitting (Teenage Smoking) by Connect with Kids

“It was nerve-wracking, because you’re really thinking about it. It becomes your primary focus. It was all I could think about. The only thing I wanted to do was have a cigarette.”

– R.J. Williams, 22

Quitting smoking requires a lot of self-control. So does sticking to a diet, doing well in school, learning a new musical instrument, exercising regularly, and more. But if you focus on one of these tasks, will you have enough discipline for another? New research says maybe not.

R.J. Williams started smoking at 18. In less than a month, he was hooked.

“Probably within two to three weeks. You start thinking about it more and more, and then before you know it, it’s like, ‘Man, I want to smoke,’” says Williams, 22.

After four years, R.J. quit cold turkey. But smoking was all he could think about.

“It was nerve-wracking, because you’re really thinking about it. It becomes your primary focus. It was all I could think about. The only thing I wanted to do was have a cigarette,” says Williams.

Brain researchers at the University of Toronto found that resisting temptation uses energy in the “self-control” part of the brain -- so much so that it’s hard to give up something else simultaneously. For example, it’s not easy to quit smoking and go on a diet at the same time. Experts say that giving up tobacco requires even more self-control because it is actually three addictions rolled into one.

“There is a social addiction, a physical addiction and a psychological addiction that goes along with tobacco,” says Ramona Bennett, tobacco cessation coordinator.

That’s why she says getting your teen to quit smoking may require more than just a lecture.

“It may mean that they need treatment of some sort. They might need counseling. They may even need other help such as nicotine replacement therapy,” says Bennett.

Williams says what helped him most was a diversion.

“If I wanted a cigarette I would just exercise and do something. That helped me,” says Williams.

Tips for Parents

Realize that a smoking addiction can happen fast. Teens are at risk for becoming addicted to cigarettes soon after they learn to inhale. That’s when nicotine starts getting into their bloodstream. If you discover your child smoking, don’t dismiss the behavior as a passing phase. (Ramona Bennett, tobacco cessation coordinator, Georgia Division of Public Health)

Try to find your teen a tobacco cessation program in your area. Often, the programs are based in schools. (Ramona Bennett, tobacco cessation coordinator, Georgia Division of Public Health)

If your child is trying to quit smoking, ask your doctor to consider prescribing nicotine replacement therapy. According to research from the National Institute on Drug Abuse, teens who use a nicotine patch are eight times more likely to quit smoking than those who use a placebo patch. Teens who use nicotine gum are almost three times more likely to quit than those who use placebo gum. Your doctor can determine the correct dose. (National Institute on Drug Abuse)

Since teens are often unable to see the long-term consequences of smoking, explain to them the current effects to their health. Nicotine is a stimulant that causes their heart rate to increase and their blood pressure to go up. Also, nicotine will change the chemistry of their brain, leading to addiction. Quitting smoking can improve the shortness of breath often felt during exercise. (Ramona Bennett, tobacco cessation coordinator, Georgia Division of Public Health)

Help teens understand that if they resist the urge to smoke, eventually it will pass. The urge to smoke will come back, but they must fight the urge each and every time. (Ramona Bennett, tobacco cessation coordinator, Georgia Division of Public Health)

Teens may need counseling to help break the addiction. The counselor can help them come up with a plan to deal with the physical, mental and social aspects of the addiction. (Ramona Bennett, tobacco cessation coordinator, Georgia Division of Public Health)

References

National Institute on Drug Abuse, Teen Tobacco Addiction Treatment Research Clinic
Ramona Bennett. tobacco cessation coordinator, Georgia Division of Public Health
Centers for Disease Control

ADHD is Real by Connect with Kids

“Kindergarten is when we started with the diagnosis. His kindergarten teacher noticed it, said he just couldn’t focus, couldn’t stay on task.”

– Katherine, mother

Hundreds of thousands of kids have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and many are taking stimulant medicine to help them succeed in school. Will these kids have to take pills for the rest of their lives? New research says maybe not.

Nine-year-old Mitchell has ADHD.

“Kindergarten is when we started with the diagnosis. His kindergarten teacher noticed it, said he just couldn’t focus, couldn’t stay on task. So we took him to his pediatrician and he noticed it right in his office and said, ‘Let’s try to get him on some medicine,’” says Katherine, Mitchell’s mother.

Since then, Mitchell has been on a stimulant ADHD medicine. But will he need the medication forever? Not necessarily, according to new research. Researchers at the National Institute of Mental Health performed brain scans of more than 400 children. They found that children with ADHD had a three-year delay in development of the frontal lobe -- the area of the brain responsible for attention and planning.

“This study is important because now it links the behavioral disorder with a more medical or organic finding on brain development. I think it should also help parents to feel that it is a true disorder and is something that we’re trying to treat and to help the children get on task,” says Thomas Burns, Psy.D., Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta.

What’s more, says Burns, that three-year delay means some children with ADHD may outgrow their disorder.

“There’s a subset of kids that appear to catch up over time and for those children, it would fit with a small subset of the kids diagnosed with ADHD that appear to grow out of it in their teens,” says Burns.

Mitchell hopes he’s one of those kids.

“I think I might outgrow it,” says Mitchell.

”Yes, I’m thinking with our help we can overcome it and eventually get him off the medicine,” says Katherine.

Tips for Parents

Children with ADHD have impaired functioning in multiple settings, including home, school and relationships with peers. If untreated, the disorder can have long-term adverse effects into adolescence and adulthood. (National Institute of Mental Health, NIMH)

NIMH reports that symptoms of ADHD will appear over the course of many months, and include:

Impulsiveness: a child who acts quickly without thinking first.

Hyperactivity: a child who can't sit still; walks, runs or climbs around when others are seated; talks when others are talking.

Inattention: a child who daydreams or seems to be in another world, is sidetracked by what is going on around him or her.

If ADHD is suspected, the diagnosis should be made by a professional with training in ADHD. This includes child psychiatrists, psychologists, developmental/behavioral pediatricians, behavioral neurologists, and clinical social workers. (NIMH)

For children with ADHD, no single treatment is the answer for every child. A child may sometimes have undesirable side effects to a medication that would make that particular treatment unacceptable. And if a child with ADHD also has anxiety or depression, a treatment combining medication and behavioral therapy might be best. Each child’s needs and personal history must be carefully considered. (NIMH)

Some people get better results from one medication, some from another. It is important to work with the prescribing physician to find the right medication and the right dosage for your child. For many people, the stimulants dramatically reduce hyperactivity and impulsivity and improve their ability to focus, work and learn. The medications may also improve physical coordination, such as that needed in handwriting and in sports. (NIMH)

References

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta