(Sue Scheff) Pornography Affects Girls, Too - Connect With Kids Article

“It has the potential for teenagers to really mess up what their attitudes are about sexuality and relationships.”
– Paul Schenck, Psy.D., clinical psychologist

While parents and schools often debate whether it’s best for children to learn about human sexuality at home or at school, kids today are learning about sex from another source: the Internet. Some experts believe this is harmful, even dangerous.

On the Internet, pornography is easy to access.

“Basically, if you want to see it, you can,” says Mark, 17.
Some of it is hardcore.

“Very vulgar, lewd type of material,” says Jeremy, 19.
And it is pervasive.

“I’m hanging around kids my age and they all pretty much get their fair share of that stuff, I would say daily,” says Jake, 16.

According to a report from the American Psychological Association, pornography can warp a teenager’s perspective on sexuality.

“It has the potential for teenagers to really mess up what their attitudes are about sexuality and really mess up relationships,” says Paul Schenck, Psy.D., clinical psychologist.

For teen girls, experts say, pornography can present an unattainable body image that can lead to eating disorders, depression and hyper-sexualized behavior.

“Their body becomes about pleasing others and it’s not.

Life becomes not about their own desires but about becoming desirable to others. We want to help girls through their adolescence become their own subject, where they decide how they want to live their lives rather than becoming an object,” says Dina Zeckhausen, Ph.D., Powers Ferry Psychological Associates.

Experts first recommend that parents put in place a filter to block porn on their home computer. Next, if their children have seen porn, talk with them about what they saw and how it affected them. Counter those images of women with positive and realistic ones.

“There are positive examples of media out there and there are positive role models of girls and women who are doing good things in the world and making the world a better place. So we as parents need to expose our kids to those kinds of media,” says Zeckhausen.

Expert’s say it’s inaccurate to compare today’s web porn to yesteryear’s Playboy magazine. The quantity, accessibility and graphic nature of the porn makes it much more likely that it can become a negative influence and even an addiction for a teen.

Tips for Parents

In the past, pornography was mainly limited to artwork, magazines and the red-light districts. With the advent of the Internet and cable television, however, pornography has now made its way into our family rooms, home offices and kids’ bedrooms.

Children and teenagers easily and often inadvertently access it. Parents must work even harder to prevent their children from becoming influenced and/or addicted to it.

The best cure for addiction is prevention. Experts at the Jacob Wetterling Foundation developed the following tips to help parents prevent their children from becoming addicted to pornography:

Place home computers in a central area of the house, not a child’s bedroom or secluded area. Make surfing the Internet a family experience.

Talk with your children about what they can and cannot do online, while trying to understand their needs, interests and curiosity.

Know your child's password and screen names; they may have more than one.
Set reasonable time limits on computer use, and ensure that your children adhere to the limitations.

Parents (not children) should always establish and maintain an Internet service provider account (AOL, Earthlink, MSN), and the account should always be in a parent’s name (not a child’s). This ensures that a parent can legally maintain control of the account’s use and can access records if necessary. If an account is set up in a child's name, it may be difficult, if not impossible, to obtain account information without the child's permission.

You should also realize that children might be accessing the Internet from outside the home, such as friends’ homes, work, libraries and school.

Be open with your children and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem online.

Explore filtering and blocking software, which is used to sort information on the Internet and classify it according to content. A major drawback is that some filtering may block innocent sites, while many "negative" sites still get past the filters. Though these programs can be great assets, parents still need to maintain open communication with their children to inform and protect them.

If you discover your child viewing pornography or you know it is a problem in his/her life, reassure him/her. Let your child know that while you don’t agree with the use of pornography, you still love them and expect them to do better. Rob Jackson, a professional counselor specializing in sexual addiction and codependency, suggests taking a four-area approach to prevent the possibility of your child using pornography in the future.

Behavioral. Behavioral approaches attempt to prevent a scenario from developing in the first place. The house and grounds, for example, should be purged of all pornography. Media should be carefully screened for “triggers” that serve as gateways to acting-out. If the problem occurred with the Internet, a filter can be one of your strategies, although it can never replace parental supervision and involvement. Other common-sense approaches include moving the computer to the family room where others can easily view the screen, limiting the time on the computer and making sure no one is alone on the Internet, and developing a mission statement that directs the family’s use of the computer and the Internet.

Cognitive. Pornography generates destructive myths about sexuality. Once your child is exposed, it will be critically important to initiate a comprehensive sex education program, if you have not already done so. The child will need to learn what and how to think about sexuality. More than mere behaviors, parents will want to communicate the core values of sexuality, the multifaceted risks of sex outside of marriage, and their ongoing compassion for what it must be like to grow up in this culture.

Emotive. Sex is inherently emotional. Premarital sex has even been linked with codependency, where at least one person becomes compelled or addicted to be in a relationship with another. The youth culture would lead you to believe that sex is not necessarily emotional for them – don’t believe it. Sexual relations of any type bond the bodies, minds and spirits of two individuals. At the conscious level, this attachment is largely emotional. Your children need to understand that emotional attachment is often involuntary, and especially when the relationship has been compromised sexually.

References

Jacob Wetterling Foundation

TeenHealthFX

Pure Intimacy

Great Ways to Sabotage a Good Conversation by Paul W. Schenk, Psy.D.