When Parents Blame the School

Source: Connect with Kids

“Academics was hard, and trying to fit in was harder.”

– Brendon, 14, talking about his experience in a new middle school

When Brendon Yag entered middle school, his grades began to drop and so did his attitude.

“Academics was hard and trying to fit in was harder,” says Brendon, 14.

His mom says she met with the principal, and didn’t like what she heard. “He felt I needed to let my child fail,” says Meg Yag, “to understand the consequences of what he was or was not doing.”

Meg lost confidence in the school’s approach, but experts warn when dissatisfaction with a school turns into outward disrespect voiced by the parent, the child may feel it’s okay to misbehave.

“The child is in between, like a custody case between the school and parents, and will take an opportunity not to respect the rules of the school,” says psychologist Dr. June Kaufman.

Brendon’s mom was careful to not criticize the school in front of her son. “The school is a fabulous school for the right kind of kid. It was not the right kind of school for my kids,” she says.

After two years floundering in his middle school, Brendon switched to a different school. But experts say if parents don’t have that choice, and their child is having problems, there are a couple things the parent can do.

First, visit the school before forming an opinion, and observe your child to get a better idea of what really is going on.

Second, talk with administrators about how they might be able to better accommodate your child’s learning needs.

“And importantly,” says Kaufman, “if there’s a choice among teachers, try to determine in conversation with the teacher before they enroll, if they think that child is a good fit, with the teacher.”

And parents should always make kids realize, you won’t always blame the school, or the teacher, if your child has problems.

“My mom told me that if I get in trouble again, I get in big trouble,” says Brendon, “So I’m good now.”

Tips for Parents
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Should parents side with their child in a dispute between the child and the school? Here are excerpts from an interview on the subject with Dr. June Kaufman, a licensed psychologist:

“I think it creates more problems when (parents) side with their child,” Dr. Kaufman says. “The child is in between, like in a custody case, between the school and parents, and the child will take the opportunity not to respect the rules of the school…

“The most important thing is to have a good fit between the child, teacher and school and have a situation where the parents can work with the school. If the parents are getting calls every day at work about behavior problems at school, they have to look into it, they have to respond, without blaming the school. I think they should look at a school’s policies and, importantly, if there’s a choice among teachers, try to determine in conversations with the teacher—before they enroll the child—if they think their child is a good fit with the teacher. The child has to know, ‘this is a good place for you.’

“I think you have to say to the child, ‘I’ve heard from the teacher that there’s (a problem). I don’t know the whole story. I’ll take your side this time, but if this behavior continues, I’m going to be meeting with the teacher and learning much more about it. So, I don’t know the whole story yet and I might even have to observe in the classroom.’

“There isn’t a perfect child, and even the most model child may even have difficulty, so you don’t want to necessarily believe everything your child tells you.”

Some suggestions for positive steps toward better discipline from the National Education Association (NEA):

Let your children know you like them. Tell your children how much you admire their good qualities.
Let your children know exactly what you expect of them – set limits.
Encourage responsible decision-making. Whenever possible, find areas in which you know your children can make decisions for themselves.
Set a good example. Remember that children are great imitators.
Encourage your children to respect authority. At home, in school, and in other areas of their lives, your children need to know the importance of respecting authority.
If your child is having problems in or out of school, the NEA says don’t waste your time blaming yourself. Although you share the responsibility for your children’s development, you aren’t the only one who influences them. Communicate with your children about the problems they are having. Help them look for solutions.

Finally, the NEA says, “Keep in mind that you can’t shield your children from the problems of the real world. Nor can you keep accidents from happening. Some attempts at good parenting may be overzealous. By trying to avoid being too protective and solicitous for your children’s concerns you can help them become truly independent people.”

References
Dr. June Kaufman, psychologist
National Education Association

SAT Prep - Do your homework

Source: Connect with Kids

“Some students will see huge differences. [Some] students don’t improve at all. Students get out of it what they put into it.”

– Wendi Deen Johnson, Kaplan Score Prep

In just a few weeks 17-year old Caroline will take the SAT for the first time.

“Well I know it’s like a really important test and I am really kind of concerned about that because I want to go to a really good college,” says Caroline.

To prepare for the college entrance exam, Caroline enrolled in an SAT prep course where she learned some useful strategies.

“For instance, she says, “What kind of questions are going to be asked and timing- it speeds me up so that I can get through more questions and hopefully get more answers right. “

But how will that prep course affect her score?

“Some students will see huge differences- we’ve had students who’ve increased 300-points. We also have students who don’t improve at all. Most of the time, students get out of it what they put into it,” says Wendi Deen Johnson, a spokesperson with the Score Prep division of Kaplan, Inc. a national test preparation company.

According to the College Board which administers the SAT, on average, SAT coaching increases verbal scores by eight points and math scores by eighteen points. In other words, coached students are likely to get one to three more questions right when compared to non-coached students.

If parents do opt to enroll their children in professional prep courses, even some in the test prep industry say it can be a mistake to start too early.

“If it’s a kid who’s really anxious about test-taking, then probably preparing them early wouldn’t be the best thing. You’d want to give them some time to mature and grow and learn some more skills,” says Johnson.

Commercial prep courses can cost hundreds of dollars, but experts say parents can help their kids prepare for less money by purchasing study guides, surfing the net for information, or enrolling in independent study courses.

That is exactly what Caroline did. Soon she’ll find out how well it worked.

“I’m hoping for a 1400 on the SAT,” she says. A near perfect score.

Tips for Parents

Anxiety stemming from standardized tests is not uncommon among today’s teens. In fact, a poll conducted by Public Agenda showed that 73 percent of surveyed students said they get nervous before taking a test, while 5 percent said they become too nervous to even take the test.

The University of Illinois Extension says that most students experience some level of anxiety during an exam, and this anxiety is due to a variety of reasons:

Poor time management
Failure to organize information
Poor study habits
Negative test-taking experience
Low self-confidence
Negative attitude about school
According to the State University of New York at Buffalo, children who frequently experience test anxiety also worry about the future and become extremely self-critical. Instead of feeling challenged by the prospect of success, they become afraid of failure. This makes them anxious about tests and their own abilities. And ultimately, they become so worked up that they feel incompetent about the subject matter or the test.

The National PTA says that it does not help to tell your child to relax, to think about something else or stop worrying about standardized tests. But you can help your child reduce test anxiety and prepare for tests like the SAT by encouraging the following actions:

Space studying over days or weeks. (Real learning occurs through studying that takes place over a period of time.) Understand the information and relate it to what is already known. Review it more than once. By doing this, your child should feel prepared at exam time.

Don’t “cram” the night before – cramming increases anxiety, which interferes with clear thinking. Get a good night’s sleep. Rest, exercise and eating well are as important to test taking as they are to other schoolwork.

Read the directions carefully when the instructor hands out the test. If you don’t understand them, ask the teacher to explain.

Look quickly at the entire examination to see what types of questions are included (multiple choice, matching, true/ false, essay, etc.) and, if possible, the number of points for each. This will help you pace yourself.

If you don’t know the answer to a question, skip it and go on. Don’t waste time worrying about it. Mark it so you can identify it as unanswered. If you have time at the end of the exam, return to the unanswered question(s).

As a parent, you can be a great help to your child if you observe these do’s and don’ts about tests and testing from the U.S. Department of Education:

Don’t be too anxious about your child’s test scores. If you put too much emphasis on test scores, this can upset your child.
Do encourage your child. Praise him/her for the things he or she does well. If your child feels good about himself or herself, he/she will do his/her best. Children who are afraid of failing are more likely to become anxious when taking tests and more likely to make mistakes.

Don’t judge your child on the basis of a single test score. Test scores are not perfect measures of what your child can do. Other factors might influence a test score. For example, your child can be affected by the way he/she is feeling, the setting in the classroom and the attitude of the teacher. Remember also that one test is simply one test.

Meet with your child’s teacher as often as possible to discuss his/her progress. Ask the teacher to suggest activities for you and your child to do at home to help prepare for tests and improve your child’s understanding of schoolwork. Parents and teachers should work together to benefit students.
Make sure your child attends school regularly. Remember, tests do reflect children’s overall achievement. The more effort and energy your child puts into learning, the more likely he/she will do well on tests.

Provide a quiet, comfortable place for studying at home.

Make sure that your child is well rested on school days and especially the day of a test. Children who are tired are less able to pay attention in class or to handle the demands of a test.

Give your child a well-rounded diet. A healthy body leads to a healthy, active mind.

Provide books and magazines for your child to read at home. By reading new materials, your child will learn new words that might appear on a test. Ask your child’s school about a suggested outside reading list or get suggestions from the public library.

References
College Board
National PTA
Public Agenda
State University of New York at Buffalo
University of Illinois Extension
U.S. Department of Education