When Parents Blame the School

Source: Connect with Kids

“Academics was hard, and trying to fit in was harder.”

– Brendon, 14, talking about his experience in a new middle school

When Brendon Yag entered middle school, his grades began to drop and so did his attitude.

“Academics was hard and trying to fit in was harder,” says Brendon, 14.

His mom says she met with the principal, and didn’t like what she heard. “He felt I needed to let my child fail,” says Meg Yag, “to understand the consequences of what he was or was not doing.”

Meg lost confidence in the school’s approach, but experts warn when dissatisfaction with a school turns into outward disrespect voiced by the parent, the child may feel it’s okay to misbehave.

“The child is in between, like a custody case between the school and parents, and will take an opportunity not to respect the rules of the school,” says psychologist Dr. June Kaufman.

Brendon’s mom was careful to not criticize the school in front of her son. “The school is a fabulous school for the right kind of kid. It was not the right kind of school for my kids,” she says.

After two years floundering in his middle school, Brendon switched to a different school. But experts say if parents don’t have that choice, and their child is having problems, there are a couple things the parent can do.

First, visit the school before forming an opinion, and observe your child to get a better idea of what really is going on.

Second, talk with administrators about how they might be able to better accommodate your child’s learning needs.

“And importantly,” says Kaufman, “if there’s a choice among teachers, try to determine in conversation with the teacher before they enroll, if they think that child is a good fit, with the teacher.”

And parents should always make kids realize, you won’t always blame the school, or the teacher, if your child has problems.

“My mom told me that if I get in trouble again, I get in big trouble,” says Brendon, “So I’m good now.”

Tips for Parents
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Should parents side with their child in a dispute between the child and the school? Here are excerpts from an interview on the subject with Dr. June Kaufman, a licensed psychologist:

“I think it creates more problems when (parents) side with their child,” Dr. Kaufman says. “The child is in between, like in a custody case, between the school and parents, and the child will take the opportunity not to respect the rules of the school…

“The most important thing is to have a good fit between the child, teacher and school and have a situation where the parents can work with the school. If the parents are getting calls every day at work about behavior problems at school, they have to look into it, they have to respond, without blaming the school. I think they should look at a school’s policies and, importantly, if there’s a choice among teachers, try to determine in conversations with the teacher—before they enroll the child—if they think their child is a good fit with the teacher. The child has to know, ‘this is a good place for you.’

“I think you have to say to the child, ‘I’ve heard from the teacher that there’s (a problem). I don’t know the whole story. I’ll take your side this time, but if this behavior continues, I’m going to be meeting with the teacher and learning much more about it. So, I don’t know the whole story yet and I might even have to observe in the classroom.’

“There isn’t a perfect child, and even the most model child may even have difficulty, so you don’t want to necessarily believe everything your child tells you.”

Some suggestions for positive steps toward better discipline from the National Education Association (NEA):

Let your children know you like them. Tell your children how much you admire their good qualities.
Let your children know exactly what you expect of them – set limits.
Encourage responsible decision-making. Whenever possible, find areas in which you know your children can make decisions for themselves.
Set a good example. Remember that children are great imitators.
Encourage your children to respect authority. At home, in school, and in other areas of their lives, your children need to know the importance of respecting authority.
If your child is having problems in or out of school, the NEA says don’t waste your time blaming yourself. Although you share the responsibility for your children’s development, you aren’t the only one who influences them. Communicate with your children about the problems they are having. Help them look for solutions.

Finally, the NEA says, “Keep in mind that you can’t shield your children from the problems of the real world. Nor can you keep accidents from happening. Some attempts at good parenting may be overzealous. By trying to avoid being too protective and solicitous for your children’s concerns you can help them become truly independent people.”

References
Dr. June Kaufman, psychologist
National Education Association

SAT Prep - Do your homework

Source: Connect with Kids

“Some students will see huge differences. [Some] students don’t improve at all. Students get out of it what they put into it.”

– Wendi Deen Johnson, Kaplan Score Prep

In just a few weeks 17-year old Caroline will take the SAT for the first time.

“Well I know it’s like a really important test and I am really kind of concerned about that because I want to go to a really good college,” says Caroline.

To prepare for the college entrance exam, Caroline enrolled in an SAT prep course where she learned some useful strategies.

“For instance, she says, “What kind of questions are going to be asked and timing- it speeds me up so that I can get through more questions and hopefully get more answers right. “

But how will that prep course affect her score?

“Some students will see huge differences- we’ve had students who’ve increased 300-points. We also have students who don’t improve at all. Most of the time, students get out of it what they put into it,” says Wendi Deen Johnson, a spokesperson with the Score Prep division of Kaplan, Inc. a national test preparation company.

According to the College Board which administers the SAT, on average, SAT coaching increases verbal scores by eight points and math scores by eighteen points. In other words, coached students are likely to get one to three more questions right when compared to non-coached students.

If parents do opt to enroll their children in professional prep courses, even some in the test prep industry say it can be a mistake to start too early.

“If it’s a kid who’s really anxious about test-taking, then probably preparing them early wouldn’t be the best thing. You’d want to give them some time to mature and grow and learn some more skills,” says Johnson.

Commercial prep courses can cost hundreds of dollars, but experts say parents can help their kids prepare for less money by purchasing study guides, surfing the net for information, or enrolling in independent study courses.

That is exactly what Caroline did. Soon she’ll find out how well it worked.

“I’m hoping for a 1400 on the SAT,” she says. A near perfect score.

Tips for Parents

Anxiety stemming from standardized tests is not uncommon among today’s teens. In fact, a poll conducted by Public Agenda showed that 73 percent of surveyed students said they get nervous before taking a test, while 5 percent said they become too nervous to even take the test.

The University of Illinois Extension says that most students experience some level of anxiety during an exam, and this anxiety is due to a variety of reasons:

Poor time management
Failure to organize information
Poor study habits
Negative test-taking experience
Low self-confidence
Negative attitude about school
According to the State University of New York at Buffalo, children who frequently experience test anxiety also worry about the future and become extremely self-critical. Instead of feeling challenged by the prospect of success, they become afraid of failure. This makes them anxious about tests and their own abilities. And ultimately, they become so worked up that they feel incompetent about the subject matter or the test.

The National PTA says that it does not help to tell your child to relax, to think about something else or stop worrying about standardized tests. But you can help your child reduce test anxiety and prepare for tests like the SAT by encouraging the following actions:

Space studying over days or weeks. (Real learning occurs through studying that takes place over a period of time.) Understand the information and relate it to what is already known. Review it more than once. By doing this, your child should feel prepared at exam time.

Don’t “cram” the night before – cramming increases anxiety, which interferes with clear thinking. Get a good night’s sleep. Rest, exercise and eating well are as important to test taking as they are to other schoolwork.

Read the directions carefully when the instructor hands out the test. If you don’t understand them, ask the teacher to explain.

Look quickly at the entire examination to see what types of questions are included (multiple choice, matching, true/ false, essay, etc.) and, if possible, the number of points for each. This will help you pace yourself.

If you don’t know the answer to a question, skip it and go on. Don’t waste time worrying about it. Mark it so you can identify it as unanswered. If you have time at the end of the exam, return to the unanswered question(s).

As a parent, you can be a great help to your child if you observe these do’s and don’ts about tests and testing from the U.S. Department of Education:

Don’t be too anxious about your child’s test scores. If you put too much emphasis on test scores, this can upset your child.
Do encourage your child. Praise him/her for the things he or she does well. If your child feels good about himself or herself, he/she will do his/her best. Children who are afraid of failing are more likely to become anxious when taking tests and more likely to make mistakes.

Don’t judge your child on the basis of a single test score. Test scores are not perfect measures of what your child can do. Other factors might influence a test score. For example, your child can be affected by the way he/she is feeling, the setting in the classroom and the attitude of the teacher. Remember also that one test is simply one test.

Meet with your child’s teacher as often as possible to discuss his/her progress. Ask the teacher to suggest activities for you and your child to do at home to help prepare for tests and improve your child’s understanding of schoolwork. Parents and teachers should work together to benefit students.
Make sure your child attends school regularly. Remember, tests do reflect children’s overall achievement. The more effort and energy your child puts into learning, the more likely he/she will do well on tests.

Provide a quiet, comfortable place for studying at home.

Make sure that your child is well rested on school days and especially the day of a test. Children who are tired are less able to pay attention in class or to handle the demands of a test.

Give your child a well-rounded diet. A healthy body leads to a healthy, active mind.

Provide books and magazines for your child to read at home. By reading new materials, your child will learn new words that might appear on a test. Ask your child’s school about a suggested outside reading list or get suggestions from the public library.

References
College Board
National PTA
Public Agenda
State University of New York at Buffalo
University of Illinois Extension
U.S. Department of Education

Sue Scheff: Too Much Homework!

Source: Connect with Kids


“Some nights we have really big assignments, and I’m up at least one-and-a-half hours past my bedtime. It’s just a lot of stress.”

– Sarah, 12 years old

Homework used to drive 12-year-old Sarah crazy.

“I was just getting really upset at night because I wanted to go to bed, but I knew I had to stay up, and I was frightened that I was going to forget something or not do something and they’d yell at you in class,” she says.

Finally, a group of parents at Sarah’s school said “enough!”

"The parents said, 'The students can’t handle it [the homework],'" explains Deborah Hannah, Sarah’s mother. “And so the school came in and they changed their policy and that lowered the amount of time the kids have for homework.”

The issue is balance. According to research from the University of Missouri, high school students who do their homework outperform those who don’t by 69% on standardized tests.

“[But] there are situations where there’s simply too much homework,” says Dr. Frank Pajares, an educational studies professor at Emory University.

So how much homework is too much? And how can a parent tell if his or her child is overwhelmed by the amount?

“That child is a tired child,” Dr. Pajares says. “That child is working longer than that child should, that child is lessening her activities; she’s giving up activities in order to do homework.”

These children become tired, frustrated and stressed, leaving them no time for friends or fun. They “begin to develop a lot of inner tension and inner pressure and a great deal of anxiety,” Dr. Pajares says.

Experts say that parents can help by talking to teachers while at the same time encouraging their children not to procrastinate. Another bit of advice: Watch your kids carefully for signs of homework overload.

Sarah describes it this way: “When your back starts hurting from bringing home all the books, and you hate going to school and you hate all your teachers, then I think it’s too much.”

Tips for Parents

According to a study conducted by a professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia, homework lengths for today’s kids have steadily increased over the past two decades. In fact, children today are possibly seeing the largest amount of homework in U.S. history. The latest numbers from the U.S. Department of Education reveal that 70% of 13-year-olds spend at least an hour a day on homework, up from 40% in 1982. And now many parents are worried that this homework overload will cause their children to experience high levels of stress with which they are unequipped to cope.

Why do teachers assign homework in the first place? Homework helps students review and practice what they have learned, prepare for the next day’s class, use resources, such as libraries and reference materials, and investigate topics more fully than time allows in the classroom. Consider the following statistics about the link between homework and academic success, according to the National Parent Information Network:

Students in high school who receive homework outperform those who do not receive homework by 69%. Time spent on homework outside of school had greater effects than time spent studying at school. Achievement effects increased according to the amount of time spent on homework.
Students in junior high who receive homework outperform those who do not receive homework by 35%. Homework was more effective than in-school supervised study. Achievement effects increased as time spent on homework increased to two hours, but more than two hours spent on homework did not increase achievement.
Students in elementary school who receive homework perform no differently than those who do not. In-school supervised study had a greater impact on achievement than homework, and achievement did not increase if they spent more time on homework. This finding does not mean that elementary school students should not receive homework; rather, parents should not expect homework to affect achievement. At this level, homework is important because it promotes good study habits and positive attitudes toward school and because homework makes it clear to the student that learning can also take place outside of the school environment.
While homework is intended to improve academic achievement, studies show that too much homework becomes counterproductive after a certain amount of time. In order for homework to aid performance, the National PTA recommends that educators stick to the following guidelines for assigning homework:

For children in grades K-2, homework is more effective when it does not exceed 10 to 20 minutes each school day.
Older children, in grades 3-6, can handle 30 to 60 minutes a day.
In junior and senior high school, the amount of homework will vary by subject. Most older students will also have homework projects, such as research papers and oral reports, that may have deadlines weeks away. They may need help organizing assignments and planning work times to make sure homework is ready to turn in on time. In general, these students should receive no more than two hours of homework per night.
No matter how much homework your child is bringing home nightly, you can take several steps to help him or her use his or her time more efficiently. Through its No Child Left Behind Act, the U.S. Department of Education offers these homework tips for families:

Make sure your child has a quiet, well-lit place to do his or her homework. Avoid having your child do homework with the television on or in places with other distractions, such as people coming and going.
Make sure the materials your child needs, such as paper, pencils and a dictionary, are available. Ask your child if special materials will be needed for some projects, and get them in advance.
Help your child with time management. Establish a set time each day for doing homework. Don’t let your child leave homework until just before bedtime. Think about using a weekend morning or afternoon for working on big projects, especially if the project involves getting together with classmates.
Be positive about homework. Tell your child how important school is. The attitude you express about homework will be the attitude your child acquires.
When your child does homework, you do homework. Show your child that the skills they are learning are related to tasks you perform as an adult. If your child is reading, you should read, too. If your child is doing math, balance your checkbook.
When your child asks for help, provide guidance, not answers. Giving answers means your child will not learn the material. Too much help teaches your child that when the going gets rough, someone will do the work for him or her.
When the teacher asks that you play a role in homework, do it. Cooperate with the teacher. It shows your child that the school and home are a team. Follow the directions given by the teacher.
If homework is meant to be done by your child alone, stay away. Too much parent involvement can prevent homework from having some positive effects. Homework is a great way for kids to develop independent, lifelong learning skills.
Stay informed. Talk with your child’s teacher. Make sure you know the purpose of homework and what your child’s class rules are.
Help your child distinguish between hard homework and easy homework. Have your child do the hard work first. This will mean he or she will be most alert when facing the biggest challenges. Easy material will seem to go fast when fatigue occurs.
Watch your child for signs of failure and frustration. Let your child take a short break if he or she is having trouble keeping his or her mind on an assignment.
Reward progress in homework. If your child has been successful in homework completion and is working hard, celebrate that success with a special event (e.g., pizza, a walk or a trip to the park) to reinforce the positive effort.
Often, your child may become overwhelmed by the abundance of homework he or she is assigned. Therefore, it is important for you to be able to spot the common signs indicating that your child is overstressed about his or her schoolwork, cited by the Educational Resources Information Center (ERIC):

Loses perspective and sense of humor, and is no longer excited or happy about school, activities, achievements or friends
Resents parents, teachers or new assignments
Is bored, tired and listless
Suffers from sleeplessness, or has difficulty waking up
Overreacts to everyday events, and often feels “trapped” or out of control
Develops nervous habits like stuttering, blinking or head shaking
Complains of ailments, headaches, stomachaches or is frequently ill
Needs constant support and reassurance
Acts out aggressively and seeks attention
Is just plain exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally
If you notice any of these signs, you can begin to help your child cope with his or her homework stress by teaching him or her the following strategies from ERIC:

Take a break. When stress levels begin to peak, schedule time outs for fun during which your child can put away the books, go for a walk or a run, listen to mindless music or shoot hoops.
Work for personal satisfaction.
Confront the source of stress. Suggest skills that make tasks easier. Help your child organize and prioritize his or her workload. Encourage your child to seek creative solutions to his or her homework problems.
Exercise and eat well. Physical activity burns off muscle tension built up from burying stress. Eating good meals with enjoyable friends and family should be a daily treat.
If you think your child is receiving too much homework and your efforts to help have not produced successful results, it may be time for you to contact your child’s school. The U.S. Department of Education provides the following guidelines for discussing homework concerns with the teacher:

Talk with teachers early in the school year. Get acquainted before problems arise, and let teachers know that you want to be kept informed. Most elementary schools and many secondary schools invite parents to come to parent-teacher conferences or open houses. If your child’s school doesn’t provide such opportunities, call the teacher to set up a meeting.
Contact the teacher as soon as you suspect your child has a homework problem (as well as when you think he or she is having any major problems with his or her schoolwork). Schools have a responsibility to keep parents informed, and you have a right to be upset if you don’t find out until report-card time that your child is having difficulties. On the other hand, sometimes parents figure out that a problem exists before the teacher does. By alerting the teacher, you can work together to solve a problem in its early stages.
Request a meeting with the teacher to discuss homework problems. Tell the teacher briefly why you want to meet. You might say, “Rachel is having trouble with her math homework. I’m worried about why she can’t finish the problems and what we might do to help her.” Parents for whom English is a second language may need to make special arrangements, such as including another person who is bilingual.
Approach the teacher with a cooperative spirit. Believe that the teacher wants to help you and your child, even if you disagree about something. It is difficult to solve problems if teachers and parents view each other as enemies.
While meeting with the teacher, explain what you think the problem is. Also, tell the teacher if you don’t know what is going on. Sometimes a child’s version of what’s going on is not the same as the teacher’s version. For example, your child may tell you that the teacher never explains assignments so he or she can understand them. But the teacher may tell you that your child is not paying attention when assignments are given.
Make sure communication is clear. Listen to the teacher and don’t leave until you are sure you understand what is being said. Make sure, too, that the teacher understands what you have to say. If, after the meeting, you realize you don’t understand something, call the teacher to double-check.
Follow up to make sure that the approach you agreed to is working. If the teacher told you, for example, that your child needs to spend more time practicing long division, check back in a month to talk about your child’s progress.
References
Educational Resources Information Center
National Parent Information Network
National PTA
No Child Left Behind Act
University of Missouri-Columbia
U.S. Department of Education