Can Students Prevent Violence by Telling?

Source: Connect with Kids

Can Students Prevent Violence by Telling?

“He was saying ‘I’m gonna kill people,’ everyone took it as a joke. I can’t say that I would take it any differently.”

– Joanna, 15, talking about the school shooting in Santee, California

A student who seems strange, a comment that sounds frightening … how can students tell who’s serious and who isn’t, what’s a joke and what’s a real threat?

The problem is students say those kinds of ‘jokes’ are made all the time.

“I’ve had friends who were just like, ‘man I just want to kill that teacher’ or ‘I just hate it here and want to blow up the school,’” says Tara-Lynn, a high school junior, “I’ve probably said things like that myself.”

“I mean I hear people say that all the time. I don’t take it seriously,” adds Joanna, a freshman.

When should students take it seriously? They’re in a bind. If they tell on someone, they’re called a rat or a snitch. If they don’t tell, someone could die or be injured. Always in the back of their mind, what if they tell on someone… and they’re wrong?

“How do you know you’re not gonna just end up crying ‘wolf’ all the time, every time a kid makes a threat,” says Cliff, a junior.

How should kids evaluate a threat? Experts say first, kids should follow their instincts. If something another student says doesn’t feel right, even just a little bit, it probably isn’t.

“Either afraid, or guilty, or this is just going against my values, it doesn’t feel right,” says psychologist Dr. Wendy Blumenthal.

Then find an adult you trust. Someone you can trust to protect your anonymity. Someone you can trust not to panic when you tell them you’re worried.

Maybe that’s your parents, but it could also be a school counselor, a minister from your church or a coach.

Because if a disaster happens and you stay silent about what you heard, just think how that would make you feel.

“Because if we take everything for granted,” says Crystal, a junior, “this (the school shooting in California) is what can happen.”


Tips for Parents

Police have been able to prevent several ‘Columbine-like’ massacres at US schools recently–thanks to tips from students. Students notified school officials after learning that other students planned to carry out violent acts. And while kids are more willing to report threats of violence after Columbine, experts say parents should explain to their children that there is a difference between ‘telling’ and ‘tattling.’

According to the National Education Association (NEA):

Children ‘tattle’ to get their own way or to get someone else in trouble.
Children should be encouraged to ‘tell’ an adult when someone is in danger of getting hurt.
Some schools have started anonymous hotlines so that parents or children can provide information that could alert authorities to potential problems.

According to the American Psychological Association one in 12 high schoolers is threatened or injured with a weapon each year. To reduce that risk, the APA lists several ‘warning signs’ that kids need to recognize in other students, indications that violence is a “serious possibility”:

Loss of temper on a daily basis
Frequent physical fighting
Significant vandalism or property damage
Increase in use of drugs or alcohol
Increase in risk-taking behavior
Detailed plans to commit acts of violence
Announcing threats or plans for hurting others
Enjoying hurting animals
Carrying a weapon

Once students recognize a warning sign, the APA says there are things they can do. Hoping that someone else will deal with the problem is “the easy way out.” The advice for students:

Above all, be safe. Don’t spend time alone with people who show warning signs.
Tell someone you trust and respect about your concerns and ask for help (a family member, guidance counselor, teacher, school psychologist, coach, clergy, or friend).
If you are worried about becoming a victim of violence, get someone to protect you. Do not resort to violence or use a weapon to protect yourself.
The key to preventing violent behavior, according to the APA, is asking an experienced professional for help. The important thing to remember is, don’t go it alone.


References
National Education Association
American Psychological Association

Violent Video Games

Do you know about the video games your kids just received for the holidays? Be an educated parent - keep informed. Connect with Kids offers great parenting tips to help you.

Source: Connect with Kids www.connectwithkids.com

Violent Video Games

“You can do anything. Just try to kill him.”

– T.J Trimmer, 12-year-old video game player

12-year-old T. J. Trimmer is playing one of his favorite video games- Mortal Kombat.

The goal, he says simply, is to beat your opponent. “You can do anything,” T.J. says, his fingers frantically manipulating dials and buttons. “Just try to kill him. Like right now I’m attacking this guy with, like, punches and kicks. There are all these special moves that you can use…You attack your opponent….it’ll do more damage to him when you have one of (these) weapons.”

But according to new research from Iowa State University, T.J. isn’t just hurting his opponents.

Researchers studies over 1,500 kids and found that the children who played violent video games were more aggressive afterwards than those who did not.

“They’re not just releasing aggression,” says child psychiatrist Dr. Adolph Casal. “They’re practicing aggression. When we practice something, we get good at it. If we don’t practice something, we don’t get good at it. So spending a considerable amount of time in an aggressive, violent situation on a daily basis, is going to improve our aggression skills.”

Of course, T.J. disagrees. “Like this way, you take your anger out on someone else, but you don’t really take it out on someone. You can take it out on this.”

Experts say parents need to set rules about which games they will allow their children to play and for how long.


Tips for Parents
The video-game industry has undergone a dramatic change since the birth of Super Mario, the happy acrobat who once thrilled children for hours as they played with their Nintendo systems. Today, dark and adult-themed games like Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat are outselling kids’ games. Even Nintendo has switched gears by offering games with edgier subjects like the zombies featured in Resident Evil.

Why has the landscape of the video-game industry undergone such drastic change? Consider these statistics from the Entertainment Software Association:

The average game player is 35 years old and has been playing games for 13 years.
The average age of the most frequent game purchaser is 40 years old.
Forty percent of all game players are women. In fact, women over the age of 18 represent a significantly greater portion of the game-playing population (33 percent) than boys age 17 or younger (18 percent).
In 2008, 26 percent of Americans over the age of 50 played video games, an increase from nine percent in 1999.
Thirty-six percent of heads of households play games on a wireless device, such as a cell phone or PDA, up from 20 percent in 2002.
In its annual report at the end of 2008, the consumer watchdog organization the National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF) gave the video-game industry nearly straight-A’s, with particularly high grades in the rating system and retail policies.

Parents, on the other hand, scored an “incomplete” by NIMF, due mainly to their lack of attention to the ratings system and because most don’t use the parental control features on game consoles.

As a parent, how can you prevent your child from becoming exposed to violent or sexually explicit media? You can start by familiarizing yourself with the video game rating system. The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) rates every video and computer game for age appropriateness (located on the front of the packaging) and, when appropriate, labels games with content descriptions. The ESRB’s current rating standard is as follows:

E: Everyone
T: Teens (13 and older)
M: Mature audiences (17 and older)
AO: Adults only
Children Now, a research and action organization, offers these additional tips for helping you to choose the right video games for your child:

Know your child. Different children handle situations differently. Regardless of age, if your child becomes aggressive or unsettled after playing violent video games, don’t buy games with violence in them. Likewise, if your child likes playing games with characters that look like her or him, purchase games with characters that fit the bill.
Read more than the ratings. While the ESRB ratings can be helpful, they do not tell the whole story. Some features that you may consider violent or sexual may not be labeled as such by the ESRB. In addition, the ESRB does not rate games for the positive inclusion of females or characters of color. The language on the packaging may give you a better idea of the amount and significance of violence and sexuality and the presence of gender and racial diversity or stereotypes in the game.
Go online. The ESRB website provides game ratings as well as definitions of the rating system. In addition, you can visit game maker and distributor websites to learn more about the contents of a game. Some have reviews that will provide even more information about the game.
Rent before you buy. Many video rental stores also rent video games and consoles. Take a trial run before you purchase a game.
Talk to other parents. Find out which games other parents like and dislike as well as which games they let your child play when he or she visits their house. This is a good way to learn about the games that your child enjoys and those that other parents approve of, and to let other parents know which games you do not want your child playing.
Play the games with your child. Know what your child is being exposed to and how he or she reacts to different features in the games.
Talk about what you see. If your child discovers material that he or she finds disturbing or that you find inappropriate, talk about it. This is a great opportunity to let your child know what your values are as well as to help him or her deal with images that may be troubling.
Set limits. If you are worried that your child spends too much time playing video games, limit the amount of time or specify the times of day that video games can be played.
Put the games in a public space. Just as with the Internet, keep your game consoles and computers in public family space so that you can be aware of the material your child is viewing.
Contact the game makers. If you find material that you think is offensive or inappropriate, let the people who make and sell the games know about it. Likewise, let game makers know if you think that a game provides healthy messages or images. They do care what you think!
To make your search easier, the NIMF cites the following video games that are either positive for children or contain negative images for children to avoid:

Positive games for your child:

Guitar Hero World Tour
Rock Band 2
Rock Revolution
Spider-Man: Web of Shadows
Shaun White Snowboard
Games that are inappropriate for your child:

Blitz: The League II
Dead Space
Fallout 3
Far Cry 2
Gears of War 2
Legendary
Left 4 Dead
Resistance 2
Saints Row 2
Silent Hill: Homecoming

References
Children Now
Entertainment Software Rating Board
Federal Trade Commission
Interactive Digital Software Association
Iowa State University
National Institute on Media and the Family

Gun Violence

By Connect with Kids

“One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies.’”

– Mickye McGuire-Rush, Gregory’s Mother

Mickye McGuire-Rush sits in her living room and remembers her only son, Gregory. “One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies,’” she says.

Gregory had no enemies and no protection from random violence. At age 15, he was shot to death by another kid didn’t even know.

“Mistaken identity—Gregory lost his life over something he didn’t even know was going on,” Mickye says.

Violence is killing our kids. Murder is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

“I saw my friend in the hospital die with a nine millimeter, with a bible over it and we had a prayer before he died. Things change from that,” says one teen.

Changing the violence is exactly what a group of fourth and fifth graders are hoping to do. Some of the girls are step dancing for peace.

“We want the world to be a safe place to live,” says Ebony.

They’re part of a program at school that teaches non-violence as a way of life.

Experts say parents may not be able to prevent their children from becoming victims of violence, but they can teach kids how to handle disagreements peacefully in their own lives.

“It has to do with what you control and what you do not control. You control your own behavior. You control what you do inside that relationship with the people inside that household,” says Dr. John Jenson, psychologist.

“Clearly something is not working and I think to conclude that it’s the kids that aren’t working is inappropriate. We first must look at the environment that we have created as adults for kids to live in,” says Dr. Stephen Thomas, psychologist.

An environment that, so far, has claimed too many lives, including Gregory.

Mickye McGuire-Rush says, “He was my best friend.”

Tips for Parents

After a decade of decline, the number of children killed by gun fire has increased, according to the report Protect Children, Not Guns. This report from the Children’s Defense Fund, used data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, to compile this list of statistics:

3,006 children and teens died from gunfire in the United States in 2005—one child or teen every three hours, eight every day, 58 children and teens every week.
1,972 were homicide victims
822 committed suicide
212 died in accidental or undetermined circumstances
2,654 were boys
352 were girls
404 were under age 15
131 were under age 10
69 were under age 5
1,624 were White
1,271 were Black
614 were Latino*
60 were Asian or Pacific Islander
51 were American Indian or Alaska Native


The number of children and teens in America killed by guns in 2005 would fill 120 public school classrooms of 25 students each.

In 2005, 69 preschoolers were killed by firearms compared to 53 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.

Since 1979, gun violence has snuffed out the lives of 104,419 children and teens in America. Sixty percent of them were White; 37 percent were Black.

The number of Black children and teens killed by gunfire since 1979 is more than 10 times the number of Black citizens of all ages lynched in American history.

The number of children and teens killed by guns since 1979 would fill 4,177 public school classrooms of 25 students each.

More than five times as many children and teens suffered non-fatal gun injuries.

181 more children and teens died from firearms in 2005 than in 2004—the first annual increase since 1994.

68 more children and teens died from homicide in 2005 than in 2004.

56 more White, 122 more Black, 40 more Hispanic, and 9 more Asian and Pacific Islander children and teens died in 2005 than in 2004.

More 10- to 19-year-olds die from gunshot wounds than from any other cause except motor vehicle accidents.

Almost 90 percent of the children and teens killed by firearms in 2005 were boys.
Black children and teens are more likely to be victims of firearm homicide. White children and teens are more likely to commit suicide.

The firearm death rate for Black males ages 15 to 19 is more than four times that of comparable White males.

A Black male has a 1 in 72 chance of being killed by a firearm before his 30th birthday; a White male has a 1 in 344 chance.

Eight times as many White children and teens committed suicide by gun as Black children and teens.

Males ages 15 to 19 are almost eight times as likely as females that age to commit suicide with a firearm.

The following behaviors and actions may be viewed as risk factors indicative of the potential for the initiation of violence by a child or adolescent:


Has a history of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts
Uses abusive language or calls people names
Makes violent threats when angry
Has brought a weapon to school
Has serious disciplinary problems at school or in the community
Abuses drugs, alcohol or other substances
Has few or no close friends
Is preoccupied with weapons or explosives
Has been suspended or expelled from school
Is cruel to animals
Has little or no supervision and support from parents or a caring adult
Has witnessed or been a victim of abuse or neglect
Has been bullied and/or bullies or intimidates other kids
Prefers TV shows, movies or music with violent themes
Is involved with a gang or an antisocial group
Is depressed or has significant mood swings
Has threatened or attempted suicide

What Parents Can Do

The following are suggestions of ways to help your child or adolescent deal with feelings and/or situations that might lead them to participate in violent behaviors:

Give your children consistent love and attention. Every child needs a strong, loving, relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust.
Children learn by example, so show your children appropriate behavior by the way you act. Settle arguments with calm words, not with yelling, hitting, slapping, or spanking. If you punish children by hitting, slapping, or spanking them, you are showing them that it is okay to hit others.

Talk with your children about the violence they see on TV, in video games, at school, at home, or in the neighborhood. Discuss why violence exists in these contexts and what the consequences of this violence are.

Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence: limit their TV time, and screen the programs they watch. Seeing a lot of violence can lead children to behave aggressively.
Make sure your children do not have access to guns. If you own firearms or other weapons, unload them and lock them up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms where children can find them, even if unloaded. Also, talk with your children about how dangerous weapons can be.

Involve your children in setting rules for appropriate behavior at home; this will help them understand why the rules should be followed. Also ask your children what they think an appropriate punishment would be if a rule were broken.

Teach your children nonaggressive ways to solve problems by discussing problems with them, asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.

Listen to your children and respect them. They will be more likely to listen and respect others if they are listened to and treated with respect.

Note any disturbing behaviors in your child such as angry outbursts, excessive fighting, cruelty to animals, fire setting, lack of friends, or alcohol/drug use. These can be signs of serious problems.

Don't be afraid to get help for your child if such behaviors exist, and talk with a trusted professional in the community.

References
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
National Safety Council
SafeUSA - National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Children’s Defense Fund

Coping with High School Bullies by Connect with Kids

A Violent Age

Have your children ever been the victims of high school bullies? In spite of anti-violence messages and bullying videos, do you suspect your own kids may have hurt or threatened someone else? In either case, they wouldn’t be alone.

Youth violence is on the rise, touching nearly every teenager in America:

80 percent of teens say they have faced high school bullies
One in three has been in a physical fight during the last year
Among teens, murder is the second-leading cause of death
Bullying Videos Can Help Stop the Violence

Experts say talking with your kids and helping them understand their feelings of anger, hurt or fear goes a long way to helping both the victims and the perpetrators of teen violence. Watching bullying videos like A Violent Age together will get that conversation started and help you both know what to say and how to listen.

Your kids will relate to the teens in this program who talk about how high school bullies affected their lives. You’ll also hear from the Hessler family, whose daughter hung out with a rough crowd and was killed during a robbery.

Bullying videos alone won’t solve the problem, but A Violent Age is a great way to take the first step. Order your copy today and get advice from experts on how to keep kids safe from high school bullies and how to get help for children who struggle from the anger, pain, fear and humiliation that goes with teen violence.

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