Girls and Body Image

Source: Connect with Kids

“[Girls get the message], ‘This is who you should be, and this is what you should look like, this is the ideal,’ and the ideal isn’t even real.”

– Ann Moore, Ph.D., Psychologist

Beginning at a young age, girls have a desire to be beautiful.

“You’re learning who you are. You’re worrying about self-esteem issues, how you look,” 17-year-old Ginny says.

For some girls, the focus is on weight – the thinner, the better.

“The media just sort of drills it in, that this is the ideal body image, and you sort of feel the need to live up to that expectation,” says Robin, 16.

Friends Robin, Ginny and Halle agreed to an experiment designed to test their self-perception. Each was given a sheet of paper lined with silhouettes of various body images. They were asked to circle the image they felt best matched their own body.

After calculating their weight and height, each girl then circled an image that actually matched those numbers. The result turned out to be a thinner image than the one they originally chose. Why did the teens think they were heavier than they actually were?

“Everybody’s harder on themselves than they should be,” says Halle, 17.

According to a Georgia State University study of 14,000 high school students, a distorted body image increases the risk that a girl will attempt suicide.

One reason: media images that are unrealistic.

“[They get the message that], ‘This is who you should be, and this is what you should look like, this is the ideal,’ and the ideal isn’t even real,” says psychologist Dr. Ann Moore, program director for the Atlanta Center for Eating Disorders.

Robin, Ginny and Halle each say they have a pretty healthy self-image but recognize the potential danger for teens who don’t.

“If you have a really distorted body image, a lot of times you can start hurting yourself in totally unhealthy ways – crazy diets and anorexia and bulimia, or if you’re a guy, over-exercising your muscles,” Halle says.

The experts agree. They say parents can help counter a negative self-image by teaching their children, especially girls who are sometimes more vulnerable, how to focus on the things that are really important.

“[By] recognizing that she’s intelligent, recognizing that she’s got a lot of spunk, recognizing that she’s funny, that she’s got a great sense of humor. All of those things are much more important than what somebody looks like,” Dr. Moore says.

Tips for Parents

According to a study from the University of Delaware, teenage girls perceive themselves as weighing more than 10 pounds heavier than they actually do. For their study, researchers asked 172 adolescents (aged 13 to 17) to pick one of 27 silhouettes resembling how they see themselves and then pick another silhouette matching their ideal weight. The researchers found that girls on average viewed themselves as weighing 141 pounds, which was 8 pounds more than their average weight (133 pounds) and 11 pounds more than their ideal weight (130 pounds). While boys also saw themselves as weighing more than they did (185 pounds vs. 172 pounds), they picked a higher ideal weight (182 pounds) that was closer to their average weight.

What is body image? The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) defines body image as how one sees oneself when looking in a mirror or how one pictures oneself in one’s mind. Body image includes how a person feels not only about his or her weight but also height and shape.

It is important to understand that body images can be positive or negative. The NEDA cites the following descriptions for both a positive and negative body image:

Positive body image:

■Having a clear, true perception of one’s shape (seeing the various parts of the body as they really are)
■Celebrating and appreciating one’s natural body shape and understanding that a person’s physical appearance says very little about his or her character and value as a person
■Feeling proud and accepting of one’s unique body and refusing to spend an unreasonable amount of time worrying about food, weight and calories
■Feeling comfortable and confident in one’s body
Negative body image:

■Having a distorted perception of one’s shape (perceiving parts of the body unlike they really are)
■Being convinced that only other people are attractive and that one’s body size or shape is a sign of personal failure
■Feeling ashamed, self-conscious and anxious about one’s body
■Feeling uncomfortable and awkward in one’s body
So how can you determine if your teen has a negative body image and whether or not he or she is in danger? The experts at Chicago Parent magazine suggest looking for these trouble signs in your teen:

■Engaging in excessive exercise or training that isn’t required for his or her athletic activities at school and that intrudes on other important activities
■Engaging in sports for the sole purpose of improving appearance
■Having a preoccupation with looking like the extremely thin women or muscular men in the media
■Using large quantities of dietary supplements, such as creatine or protein powders, or steroids, such as ephedrine or androstenedione
■Experiencing sharp fluctuations in weight
■Fasting, attempting extreme diets or using laxatives, diuretics or other dangerous techniques to lose weight
■Feeling like he or she never looks good enough
■Needing frequent reassurance that he or she “looks OK”
■Thinking, worrying about and feeling distressed about his or her appearance
■Allowing his or her appearance concerns to limit social activities or negatively affect school or job performance
■Avoiding having all or part of his or her body seen by others (avoiding locker room situations or wearing clothes that alter or disguise his or her body)
If you recognize any of the signs previously listed, it is important that you talk with your teen about these issues as soon as possible. Whether your son or daughter has a negative body image, the University of South Florida suggests the following tips to help guide your discussion:

■Tell your teen how important it is that he or she identifies and accepts his or her strengths and weaknesses. Remind him or her that everyone has them and that no one is perfect.
■Remind your teen that goals must be realistic and he or she must take pride in his or her achievements.
■Tell your teen not to be someone else but to be proud of whom he or she is.
■Have your teen explore his or her own talents and learn to love and appreciate the unique person he or she has become.
As a parent, it is important to remember that you play a crucial role in how your teen feels about his or her body. You are often his or her role model, and your teen learns from what you say and do. To be a positive role model and to help prevent your teen from developing a negative body image, the NEDA suggests the following strategies:

■Consider your thoughts, attitudes and behaviors toward your own body and the way that these beliefs have been shaped by the forces of weightism and sexism.
■Educate your teen about the genetic basis for the natural diversity of human body shapes and sizes and the nature and ugliness of prejudice.
■Make an effort to maintain positive, healthy attitudes and behaviors.
■Avoid conveying messages that will lead your teen to believe he or she needs to look more like a model and fit into smaller clothes.
■Learn about and discuss with your teen the dangers of trying to alter one’s body shape through dieting, the value of moderate exercise for health and the importance of eating a variety of foods in well-balanced meals consumed at least three times a day.
■Make a commitment not to avoid activities, such as swimming, sunbathing, dancing, etc., simply because they call attention to your weight and shape.
■Make a commitment to exercise for the joy of feeling your body move and grow stronger, not to purge fat from your body or to compensate for calories eaten.
■Help your teen appreciate and resist the ways in which television, magazines and other media distort the true diversity of human body types and imply that a slender body means power, excitement, popularity or perfection.
■Encourage your teen to be active and to enjoy what his or her body can do and feel like. Do not limit his or her caloric intake unless a physician requests that you do this because of a medical problem.
■Do whatever you can to promote the self-esteem and self-respect of your teen in intellectual, athletic and social endeavors. Give boys and girls the same opportunities and encouragement. A well-rounded sense of self and solid self-esteem are perhaps the best antidotes to dangerous dieting and a negative body image.

References
■Chicago Parent
■Georgia State University
■National Eating Disorders Association
■University of Delaware
■University of South Florida

African American Suicide

Source: Connect with Kids

“A very achieving, gentle, loving, spiritual, sweet child.”

– Doris Smith, describing her son, Mark, who committed suicide.

When he was 10 years old, Mark Smith’s mother and father divorced.

“It affected Mark greatly,” says his mother, Doris Smith. “I found out in later years he told me it devastated him.”

Throughout his teen years, Mark had trouble sleeping and eating. He also talked about death and dying --typical signs of depression.

“He was giving me all the signs and the symptoms of a person who would take their own life,” says Smith.

Finally, he did. With a gunshot to the head.

New research finds that 4 percent of all black teens will attempt suicide. And while it’s still lower than the suicide rate for whites, the gap is closing.

“We’re more aware of it, there’s more reporting of it,” explains Psychiatrist Dr. Saundra Maass-Robinson. “There’s less… I don’t want to say there’s less stigma, but there’s less reluctance for those loved ones to identify it as a suicide than in the past.”

Maass-Robinson says that in the past 18 years, approximately 50 percent of her clients have been black teens. Still, she says, too often the ones that need help never get it.

“I will more often than not hear these young men say they’ve been wanting to get help for a while but their parents have discouraged it. So the very people they turn to for help are still part of the problem.”

Maass-Robinson says if you do see signs of depression -- no matter how subtle – take action.

“As the parent, I always take the position, ‘I know something’s wrong, I’m not here debating that. I’m not here [saying] how are you doing’,” says Maass-Robinson. “If you can’t talk to me, is there anybody you can? Because if you can’t I’m going to find you somebody and we’re going to do this.”

Doris Smith will always wish she had done more…

“I miss Mark so very much,” she says. “He was my only child. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him.”

Tips for Parents
When someone commits suicide, even people who were close to the victim often voice surprise and shock. Yet suicide is a prevalent issue, particularly among youth, who seemingly have their whole lives ahead of them. Consider the following statistics:

Suicide is the third leading cause of death for people ages 15 to 24. In fact, more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease combined.
Risk factors for attempted suicide in youth are depression, alcohol or other drug use, and aggressive or disruptive behavior.
Over the last several decades, the suicide rate in young people has increased dramatically, nearly tripling in the last 50 years.
Male teenagers are much more likely to commit suicide than female teenagers, at a ratio of five-to-one.
Since 1980, suicide rates increased most rapidly among young black males.
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, many of the symptoms of suicidal tendencies are similar to those of depression. Parents should be aware of the following signs that could indicate your child is at risk:

Change in eating and sleeping habits
Withdrawal from friends, family, and regular activities
Violent actions, rebellious behavior, or running away
Drug and alcohol use
Unusual neglect of personal appearance
Marked personality change
Persistent boredom, difficulty concentrating, or a decline in the quality of schoolwork
Frequent complaints about physical symptoms (often related to emotions) such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, etc.
Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
Intolerant of praise or rewards
A teenager who is planning to commit suicide may also …

Say that they are “a bad person” or feel "rotten inside."
Give verbal hints such as, "I won't be a problem for you much longer;" "Nothing matters;" "It's no use," or, "I won't see you again."
Put his or her affairs in order; for example, give away favorite possessions, clean his or her room, throw away important belongings, etc.
Become suddenly cheerful after a period of depression.
Have signs of psychosis (hallucinations or bizarre thoughts).
If a child or teen says, "I want to kill myself," or "I'm going to commit suicide," always take the statement seriously and seek evaluation from a psychiatrist and/or physician who specializes in children. People often feel uncomfortable talking about death. However, asking the child or adolescent whether he or she is depressed or thinking about suicide can be helpful. Don’t be afraid that this will "put thoughts in your child's head." Instead, asking the question lets the child know somebody cares, and can give him/her the chance to talk about his/her problems.

Experts at the American Association of Suicidology have developed the following suggestions to help deter someone who might be suicidal:

Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or if feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
Don’t dare him or her to do it.
Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
Offer hope that alternatives are available, but do not offer glib reassurance.
Take action. Remove any means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
Get help from doctors, therapists or agencies that specialize in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.
References
American Association of Suicidology
National Center for Health Statistics
The American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
University of Michigan

Teen Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

– Amy, 16 years old

New research from Columbia University finds that nearly 50 percent of teens suffer from some form of depression, anxiety, or a number of other psychiatric disorders.

“A lot of people I know get depressed all the time about lots of stuff,” says 15-year-old Meagan.

“It’s like everything’s all on your shoulders and you have to take everything at once,” says Meredith, 14.

Sixteen-year-old Amy agrees, “Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

“My parents went through an awful divorce my ninth grade year and I was devastated, worse than my heart could ever imagine,” says 18-year-old Brittany, “and it hurts a lot, and I still hurt to this day and I’m a senior in H.S.”

The symptoms vary: some kids may be lethargic and withdrawn; others may show agitation and frustration, even aggression. Often, there is a drop in grades.

And sometimes these symptoms can cause parents to punish the child, instead of providing treatment.

“Rather than thinking of children’s misbehaviors as discipline problems or misbehaviors as deliberate,” says psychologist Sunaina Jain, Ph.D., “it’s important to see them as communications from the child.”

Experts say lots of kids experience depression or anxiety, often mild and temporary, but not always. And that’s why parents need to constantly check their child’s emotional pulse.

“You know it doesn’t take hours and hours. Even a few minutes of checking in with each other every day is a great way of saying you know I’m here, I’m interested in you,” says Jain.

Tips for Parents

All teens experience ups and downs. Every day poses a new test of their emotional stability – fighting with a friend, feeling peer pressure to “fit in” with a particular crowd or experiencing anxiety over a failed quiz – all of which can lead to normal feelings of sadness or grief. These feelings are usually brief and subside with time, unlike depression, which is more than feeling blue, sad or down in the dumps once in a while.

According to the Nemours Foundation, depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months or even longer. It also interferes with a person’s ability to participate in normal activities. Often, depression in teens is overlooked because parents and teachers feel that unhappiness or “moodiness” is typical in young people. They blame hormones or other factors for teens’ feelings of sadness or grief, which leaves many teens undiagnosed and untreated for their illness.

The Mayo Clinic reports that sometimes a stressful life event triggers depression. Other times, it seems to occur spontaneously, with no identifiable specific cause. However, certain risk factors may be associated with developing the disorder. Johns Hopkins University cites the following risk factors for becoming depressed:

Children under stress who have experienced loss or who suffer attention, learning or conduct disorders are more susceptible to depression.
Girls are more likely than boys to develop depression.
Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder.

Possible Symptoms:

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation or anxiety
Pessimism or indifference
Loss of energy or persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
Inability to concentrate and indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests or social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
It is important to acknowledge that teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. According to the National Mental Health Association, teens may also express their depression through other hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behaviors. These behaviors will only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends and family, as well as difficulties with law enforcement or school officials.

The development of newer antidepressant medications and mood-stabilizing drugs in the last 20 years has revolutionized the treatment of depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, medication can relieve the symptoms of depression, and it has become the first line of treatment for most types of the disorder. Psychotherapy may also help teens cope with ongoing problems that trigger or contribute to their depression. A combination of medications and a brief course of psychotherapy are usually effective if a teen suffers from mild to moderate depression. For severely depressed teens, initial treatment usually includes medications. Once they improve, psychotherapy can be more effective.

Immediate treatment of your teen’s depression is crucial. Adolescents and children suffering from depression may turn to suicide if they do not receive proper treatment. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for Americans aged 10-24. The National Association of School Psychologists suggests looking for the following warning signs that may indicate your depressed teen if contemplating suicide:

Suicide notes: Notes or journal entries are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.

Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die.” “I am going to kill myself”) or indirect comments (“The world would be better without me.” “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

Previous attempts: If your child or teen has attempted suicide in the past, a greater likelihood that he or she will try again exists. Be very observant of any friends who have tried suicide before.

Depression (helplessness/hopelessness): When symptoms of depression include strong thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness, your teen is possibly at greater risk for suicide. Watch out for behaviors or comments that indicate your teen is feeling overwhelmed by sadness or pessimistic views of his or her future.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse. While this behavior may not appear to be depression, in fact it may suggest that your teen is not concerned about his or her own safety.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms. In adolescents, it might be giving away prized possessions, such as jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.
Efforts to hurt himself or herself: Self-injury behaviors are warning signs for young children as well as teens. Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic; jumping from heights; and scratching, cutting or marking his or her body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include inability to sleep or sleeping all the time, sudden weight gain or loss and lack of interest in appearance or hygiene.

Sudden changes in personality, friends or behaviors: Changes can include withdrawing from friends and family, skipping school or classes, loss of involvement in activities that were once important and avoiding friends.

Plan/method/access: A suicidal child or adolescent may show an increased interest in guns and other weapons, may seem to have increased access to guns, pills, etc., and/or may talk about or hint at a suicide plan. The greater the planning, the greater the potential for suicide.
Death and suicidal themes: These themes might appear in classroom drawings, work samples, journals or homework.

If you suspect suicide, it is important to contact a medical professional immediately. A counselor or psychologist can also help offer additional support.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Foundation for Suicidal Prevention
Columbia University
Johns Hopkins University
Mayo Clinic
National Association of School Psychologists
National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association
National Institute of Mental Health
National Mental Health Association
Nemours Foundation
Thomson-Reuters

Mistreated Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“Basically, psychiatrists are pretty busy. They don’t want to spend a lot of time with people. They want to get people in and out, maybe two or three an hour. … It pays better to do that than spending an hour doing psychotherapy.”

– David Gore, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Fifteen-year-old Sarah McMenamin suffers from depression. It started a year ago with the death of her father.

“I was just like, ‘I just want to die,’” she says, describing her feeling before seeing a therapist. “I would never kill myself, but I just wish I was dead, I just wish I was never going to wake up.”

For depressed teens, experts at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry say what can help is medicine – combined with talk therapy.

“I think the therapist helped me,” explains Sarah, “’cause it was talking, you know, I got it out. I didn’t bottle everything up.”

“The advantage to getting some therapy along with medication is that you get to the root of the problem,” explains Dr. David Gore, clinical psychologist. “You get to see why you’re feeling that way. And if you start understanding why you’re feeling that way, chances are pretty good you’ll stop feeling that way.”

But according to a new study from Thomson-Reuters, more teens than ever are getting medication without psychotherapy. Why? Gore has an answer.

“Basically, psychiatrists are pretty busy,” Dr. Gore says. “They don’t want to spend a lot of time with people. They want to get people in and out, maybe two or three an hour. … It pays better to do that than spending an hour doing psychotherapy.”

Three months ago, Sarah started seeing a new doctor.

“Right away he put me on Zoloft,” she says. “He didn’t even know me for an hour and he put me on it.”

But psychologists say medicine alone just won’t work as well.

“You take your pill, you’ll get some immediate relief,” explains Dr. Gore, “but the problem’s going to crop up again in two months or four months or six months. You’ve got to get to the root of the problem.”

Sarah will resume talk therapy again in a few months. She says she is looking forward to it.

“You get it out on the table and you know your feelings’” she says, “and you go in thinking it’s one thing and you come out finding out it’s like 10 different things and you’re like, ‘Wow.’”

Tips for Parents

All teens experience ups and downs. Every day poses a new test of their emotional stability – fighting with a friend, feeling peer pressure to “fit in” with a particular crowd or experiencing anxiety over a failed quiz – all of which can lead to normal feelings of sadness or grief. These feelings are usually brief and subside with time, unlike depression, which is more than feeling blue, sad or down in the dumps once in a while.

According to the Nemours Foundation, depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months or even longer. It also interferes with a person’s ability to participate in normal activities. Often, depression in teens is overlooked because parents and teachers feel that unhappiness or “moodiness” is typical in young people. They blame hormones or other factors for teens’ feelings of sadness or grief, which leaves many teens undiagnosed and untreated for their illness.

The Mayo Clinic reports that sometimes a stressful life event triggers depression. Other times, it seems to occur spontaneously, with no identifiable specific cause. However, certain risk factors may be associated with developing the disorder. Johns Hopkins University cites the following risk factors for becoming depressed:

Children under stress who have experienced loss or who suffer attention, learning or conduct disorders are more susceptible to depression.

Girls are more likely than boys to develop depression.

Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder.

If you suspect that your teen is clinically depressed, it is important to evaluate his or her symptoms and signs as soon as possible. The National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association cites the following warning signs indicating that your teen may suffer from depression:

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation or anxiety
Pessimism or indifference
Loss of energy or persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
Inability to concentrate and indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests or social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

It is important to acknowledge that teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. According to the National Mental Health Association, teens may also express their depression through other hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behaviors. These behaviors will only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends and family, as well as difficulties with law enforcement or school officials.

The development of newer antidepressant medications and mood-stabilizing drugs in the last 20 years has revolutionized the treatment of depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, medication can relieve the symptoms of depression, and it has become the first line of treatment for most types of the disorder. Psychotherapy may also help teens cope with ongoing problems that trigger or contribute to their depression. A combination of medications and a brief course of psychotherapy are usually effective if a teen suffers from mild to moderate depression. For severely depressed teens, initial treatment usually includes medications. Once they improve, psychotherapy can be more effective.

Immediate treatment of your teen’s depression is crucial. Adolescents and children suffering from depression may turn to suicide if they do not receive proper treatment. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for Americans aged 10-24. The National Association of School Psychologists suggests looking for the following warning signs that may indicate your depressed teen if contemplating suicide:

Suicide notes: Notes or journal entries are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.

Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die.” “I am going to kill myself”) or, unfortunately, indirect comments (“The world would be better without me.” “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

Previous attempts: If your child or teen has attempted suicide in the past, a greater likelihood that he or she will try again exists. Be very observant of any friends who have tried suicide before.

Depression (helplessness/hopelessness): When symptoms of depression include strong thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness, your teen is possibly at greater risk for suicide. Watch out for behaviors or comments that indicate your teen is feeling overwhelmed by sadness or pessimistic views of his or her future.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse. While your teen does not act “depressed,” his or her behavior suggests that he or she is not concerned about his or her own safety.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms. In adolescents, it might be giving away prized possessions, such as jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.

Efforts to hurt himself or herself: Self-injury behaviors are warning signs for young children as well as teens. Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic, jumping from heights and scratching, cutting or marking his or her body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include inability to sleep or sleeping all the time, sudden weight gain or loss and disinterest in appearance or hygiene.

Sudden changes in personality, friends or behaviors: Changes can include withdrawing from friends and family, skipping school or classes, loss of involvement in activities that were once important and avoiding friends.

Plan/method/access: A suicidal child or adolescent may show an increased interest in guns and other weapons, may seem to have increased access to guns, pills, etc., and/or may talk about or hint at a suicide plan. The greater the planning, the greater the potential for suicide.
Death and suicidal themes: These themes might appear in classroom drawings, work samples, journals or homework.

If you suspect suicide, it is important to contact a medical professional immediately. A counselor or psychologist can also help offer additional support.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Foundation for Suicidal Prevention
Johns Hopkins University
Mayo Clinic
National Association of School Psychologists
National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association
National Institute of Mental Health
National Mental Health Association
Nemours Foundation
Thomson-Reuters

Teens, Sex and Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“It hurts, because I care so much about him.”

– Teagan, 15 years old

Fifteen-year-old Teagan says her new boyfriend is wonderful. “I never thought anyone like Preston could come along,” Teagan says. “He’s the greatest guy I’ve ever known.”

But is she as lucky as she thinks?

Studies show that romantic involvement brings adolescents down, rather than up. What’s more, researchers at the University of North Carolina find that teen girls who are sexually active are twice as likely to be depressed compared to girls not having sex.

But, even among abstinent teens who date, one of the problems is trust.

“Say your boyfriend went off to work and never called you that day,” Teagan says. “And you talked every single day on the phone. I mean you’d be kind of concerned and kind of wondering why. And then someone comes along and says ‘well maybe he’s cheating on you…’”

Combine adolescent insecurity with imagination and the result is a lot of questions: Where is he? Why doesn’t she call? Does he really like me? Why is she talking to that other boy?

That’s where most of the stress comes in,” Teagan says. “Getting thoughts in your head about what might be going on, when it probably isn’t going on at all.”

Experts say parents can help ease their child’s pain by listening and taking them seriously. It’s not puppy love to them, it’s real. “It hurts,” Teagan says, “because I care so much about him.”

Experts also advise teaching your child that early relationships may hurt, but they’re indispensable. “They will have many relationships before they finally settle on a life mate,” says Cheryl Benefield, a school counselor. “Let them know that when things happen, it’s maybe just preparing them for a better relationship in the future.”

Tips for Parents
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, boys and girls seem to be equally at risk for depressive disorders during childhood, but during adolescence, girls are twice as likely as boys to develop depression. Family history and stress are listed as factors, but another factor that often causes depression in girls is the break-up of a romantic relationship.

The authors of a study conducted at Cornell University titled “You Don’t Bring Me Anything but Down: Adolescent Romance and Depression,” found that females become “more depressed than males in adolescence partly as a consequence of their involvement in romantic relationships.” The reason? According to the study, “females’ greater vulnerability to romantic involvement explains a large part of the emerging sex difference in depression during adolescence.”

At any given time, five percent of children suffer from depression. Children under stress, who have experienced a loss, or who suffer from other disorders are at a higher risk for depression. Here are some signs of depression from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (if one or more of these signs of depression persist, parents should seek help):

Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
Hopelessness
Decreased interest in activities, or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities
Persistent boredom; low energy
Social isolation, poor communication
Low self-esteem and guilt
Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
Increased irritability, anger or hostility
Difficulty with relationships
Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches
Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
Poor concentration
A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
Talk of or efforts to run away from home
Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self destructive behavior
Getting an early diagnosis and medical treatment are critical for depressed children.

Depression is a serious condition, which, if left untreated, can even become life threatening. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, leading to nearly 4,000 deaths a year. The rate has tripled since 1960. Therapy can help teenagers understand why they are depressed and learn how to handle stressful situations. Treatment may consist of individual, group or family counseling. Medications prescribed by a psychiatrist may be needed to help teens feel better.

Ways of treating depression include:

Psychotherapy: to explore events and feelings that are painful and troubling. Psychotherapy also teaches coping skills.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy: to help teens change negative patterns of thinking and behaving.
Interpersonal therapy: to focus on ways of developing healthier relationships at home and school.
Medication: to relieve some symptoms of depression (often prescribed along with therapy).
References
Journal of Health and Social Behavior
National Institute of Mental Health
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
National Mental Health Association
University of North Carolina

Sue Scheff: Dropouts Start Early - by Connect with Kids

“Time is of the essence for children that are falling behind, because every day they fall behind, their peers are moving ahead and so it’s like chasing a moving target.”

– Jill Isbell Rhodes of Reading Recovery, Long Beach Unified School District

Before this school year ends, 1 million kids will have dropped out of high school. Conventional wisdom has it that dropping out is an angry and impulsive decision for many kids. But a new study suggests that there is a way to predict who will drop out -- just visit your local kindergarten.

Last year, 7-year-old Derrick was beginning to hate books.

“When he did read, he’d get frustrated and he didn’t want to read,” says Derrick’s mother.

How did he feel?

“Sad,” says Derrick.

Even at this early age, it is a race against time.

“Time is of the essence for children that are falling behind, because every day they fall behind, their peers are moving ahead and so it’s like chasing a moving target,” says Jill Isbell Rhodes of Reading Recovery, Long Beach Unified School District.

Many kids never catch up. A study in the journal, Education Research, reports that you can predict with accuracy who will drop out in high school by looking at how well kids perform in kindergarten.

“If you start school with a negative experience, that’s an experience that’s going to last for the rest of their educational career,” says Danny Darby, education specialist.

The research suggests that dropping out is not an impulsive decision, but an outcome set in motion years earlier.

“The idea here is that as these problems go on and on, and as they are overlooked, children’s personality organization -- their character formation -- begins to be settled, begins to be more entrenched. And the longer you wait, the more that’s the way they become, the harder it is to make change, and the costs are much, much higher,” says Dr. Nathaniel Donson, M.D., child psychiatrist

Experts say early intervention is crucial.

“If you identify it and address it now -- at the preschool level -- it does not exist at the middle school or at the high school level. It won’t exist anymore. But you have to intervene early, and you have to address it as early as possible,” says Robert J. Aloia, superintendent, Bergen Country Technical Schools.

Derrick is now in a special reading program. He says he didn’t used to “feel” like a reader

“But now I do,” says Derrick.

Tips for Parents

Five intervention strategies that have been used to prevent school dropouts among a high-risk population (National Center on Secondary Education and Transition):

Persistence, Continuity and Consistency -- used concurrently to show students that there was someone who was not going to give up on them or allow them to be distracted from school;

someone who knew the student and was available to them throughout the school year, the summer, and into the next school year; and providing a common message about the need to stay in school.

Monitoring — the occurrence of risk behaviors (e.g., skipped classes, tardiness, absenteeism, behavioral referrals, suspensions, poor academic performance) was consistently tracked, as were the effects of interventions in response to risk behaviors.

Relationships — a caring relationship between an adult connected to the school and the student was established.

Affiliation — a sense of belonging to school was encouraged through participation in school-related activities.

Problem-Solving Skills — skills students need for solving a variety of problems were taught and supported so students were able to survive in challenging school, home and community environments.

References
National Center on Secondary Education and Transition

Small Changes Prevent Obesity by Connect with Kids

“As long as we concentrate on exercise, eating right, cutting out the sugar, I think we’ll be okay.”

– Tina Scott-Morgan, mother

For kids and adults, losing weight seems like an endless and insurmountable task: flavorless diet foods, gym memberships, hours of sweating and pain. But a new pediatric study reports that it really doesn’t have to be that hard.

To improve her daughter’s health and weight, Tina stopped buying carbonated drinks.

“We don’t drink sodas in this house,” says Tina Scott-Morgan, mother.

“They have too much sugar in them,” says her daughter, Marissa, 9.

Too much sugar and empty calories. According to a study in the journal, Pediatrics, children who walked an extra mile a day and cut out 100 calories daily showed a significant drop in their BMI (Body Mass Index) – an indicator used to determine healthy weight. One hundred calories equals one can of soda.

“When we cut that out and replaced it with water and milk, I could tell that there’s a significant difference in Marissa’s weight,” says Morgan.

“The fact is that you’re adding extra calories into your system that your body technically doesn’t need,” says Beth Passehl, Fit Kids coordinator, Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta.

Experts say it’s all about small changes.

“Cut back gradually, cut back by 10 percent each day, cut back by one serving a day, and you may find that starts to make a difference. It’s small gradual steps that lead to life-long habits,” says Passehl.

Step-by-step, Marissa is working her way to a healthier life.

“As long as we concentrate on exercise, eating right, cutting out the sugar, I think we’ll be okay,” says her mom.

Tips for Parents

Eating breakfast is important for weight management. Research shows most people who have lost more than 60 pounds and kept it off for six years do eat breakfast. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)

Make a rule that no one in the family can eat while watching television. It’s hard for kids to realize how much they are eating when they’re absorbed in a television program. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)

Find ways to get the entire family more active. Have everyone in the family wear a pedometer, and compete to see who can take the most steps during the day. If the child wins, reward him/her with a fun activity. If the child loses, assign him/her an active chore. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)


Do not make your family give up foods they love. Instead, find healthier ways to prepare these foods. For example, frozen French fries can be baked instead of fried. Cheesecake or macaroni and cheese can be made with a low-fat cheese. Take a cooking class to get your family excited about healthy recipes. (Dr. Luke Beno, pediatrician)

Teach kids to use portion control when eating out. Since most portions at restaurants are double what they should be, encourage kids to take half home, or to share with another person. (Dr. Lonny Horowitz, bariatric specialist)

Calories are calories. It doesn’t matter where they come from. Keep portion size in mind, regardless of whether you’re eating a salad or junk food. (Dr. Lonny Horowitz, bariatric specialist)

According to The American Heart Association (AHA), healthy physical activity is defined as regular participation in activities that increase your heart rate above its resting level. However, physical activity doesn’t have to be strenuous to be beneficial. An active child plays sports, participates in PE class, does household chores, spends time outdoors and regularly travels by foot or bicycle.

The AHA offers the following guidelines:

Encourage your kids to regularly walk, bike, play outside and interact with other children.


Allow no more than two hours per day for sedentary activities – TV, computers, video games.


Promote weekly participation in age-appropriate sports or sandlot games.


Ensure your child participates in a daily school PE class that includes at least 20 minutes of coordinated large-muscle exercise.

Make sure your child has access to school/community facilities that enable safe participation in physical activities.


Provide opportunities for physical activities that are fun, increase confidence and involve friends.
Organize regular family outings that involve walking, cycling, swimming or other recreational activities.


Be a positive role model for a physically active lifestyle.

References

Dr. Lonny Horowitz, bariatric specialist
The American Heart Association (AHA)

Risk Factors for Early Sex by Connect With Kids

“We’re concerned about their behavior, we certainly don’t want [young teens] to be sexually active … and yet they’re exploited daily by the things they see.”

– Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, UCLA professor

Most parents know that there are a number of factors that weigh into whether their child will have sex at a young age. But few parents may realize just how powerful those factors are. A new study sheds some light…

One reason young teens have sex is low self-esteem.

“They were using me. They were using me because I was easy. I was easy to get in bed,” says Katlyn, 16.

Another reason is the influence of the media.

“I think for some people they’ll just see it and they’ll just do it because it’s on TV and you know, it’s casual,” says Christina, 17.

Another factor is how close children are to their parents. According to a study from the University of Wisconsin, the more risk factors a child has, the more likely that child will have sex before age 15. These risk factors include watching excessive amounts of TV, having low self-esteem and feeling alienated from their parents. In fact, the study reports that just one of these risk factors – by itself -- increases the chances that a child will have early sex by almost 50 percent.

“We’re concerned about their behavior, we certainly don’t want [young teens] to be sexually active … and yet they’re exploited daily by the things they see, by the music they hear, by the clothes that they’re reinforced to wear. And they are very poorly guided by parents, by our society, their religions, and generally by everyone that they meet except each other,” says Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, UCLA professor.

Experts say the irony is that the greatest influence on a child’s decision to have sex is the opinion of his or her parents -- but that only works if the parents have expressed their views.

“Parents have 100 percent of the power, because most kids won’t admit that they listen to their parents, but what you say to them in an exchange of information is really what they need,” says Alduan Tartt, Ph.D., psychologist.

“I think other parents should quit being scared and just to talk to their kids about sex. Stop trying to sugarcoat everything, trying to make everything look pretty, just talk to your kid. Because if you don’t talk to them they are going to get lost,” says Tremain, 17.

Tips for Parents

Talking to your child about sex and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) may not be something you look forward to, but it could be the most important step in protecting your child from risky sexual behavior. Studies show that teenagers who feel highly connected to their parents are far more likely to delay sexual activity than their peers. (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC)

Start early – Research shows that younger children seek their parents’ advice more than adolescents, who tend to depend more on their friends and the media. Take advantage of the opportunity to talk with your young children about sexual health. (CDC)

Initiate conversations with your child – Don't wait for your children to ask you about sex, HIV or STDs. Although you may hope that your children will come to you with their questions and concerns, it may not happen. Use everyday opportunities to talk about issues related to sexual health. For example, news stories, music, television shows or movies are great conversation starters for bringing up health topics. (CDC)

Talk WITH your child, not AT your child – Make sure you listen to your children the way you want your children to listen to you. Try to ask questions that will encourage them to share specific information about feelings, decisions and actions. (CDC)

Communicate your values – In addition to talking to your children about the biological facts of sex, it's important that they also learn that sexual relationships involve emotions, caring and responsibility. (CDC)

References

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

Seasonal Affective Disorder by Connect with Kids

“I definitely tend to isolate myself in my bedroom more. I’m always wanting to sleep and don’t want to be bothered.”

– Chauntae, 16

With winter’s grey skies, shorter days and often freezing temperatures, many kids are stuck indoors during the season. How does that affect their mood? Does your child seem depressed during these cold days? If so, it could be a treatable disorder.

Chauntae and Jasmine, both typical teenage girls, say their mood changes in the winter.

“You know, just not in the mood to be talking to anybody. And people kind of tell me I get a little bit mood- swingy at times, or I just might get mad about something really small,” says Jasmine, 16.

“I definitely tend to isolate myself in my bedroom more. I’m always wanting to sleep and don’t want to be bothered,” says Chauntae, 16.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, 10 to 20 percent of people have some form of Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD.

“It can just appear out of the blue. It really is a matter of what’s going on in the brain with some of the neuro-chemicals,” says Dr. Patrice Harris, M.D., psychiatrist.

Symptoms of SAD include fatigue, weight gain and overall lack of interest in normal activities. Experts suspect the problem is a lack of sunlight. Treatments can include doctor-supervised light therapy with a device similar to a tanning bed or a high-powered desk lamp, antidepressants, and/or a regimen of outdoor physical activity.

“Actually, there’s some early research that shows that talk therapy does affect the chemicals in the brain,” says Harris.

Harris adds that, as with all types of depression, parents should take it seriously.

“If a teen says … ‘I don’t know what is going on… I’m just feeling bad and I don’t want to do anything and I don’t have any energy, don’t have any motivation,’ that’s when parents should say, ‘Well, why don’t we go talk to someone about this who maybe knows a little bit more than we do,’” says Harris.

Experts say with rising occurrences of depression and suicide rates among teens, parents should be aware that any form of depression in their child is serious and may require treatment.

Tips for Parents

Someone with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) will exhibit several particular changes from the way he or she normally feels and acts. These changes will occur in a predictable seasonal pattern. The symptoms of SAD are similar to the symptoms of depression, and a person with SAD may notice several or all of these symptoms: changes in mood, lack of enjoyment of normal activities, low energy, changes in sleep patterns, changes in eating habits, difficulty concentrating, and/or less time socializing. (Nemours Foundation)

If your mood, energy level and/or motivation decline around November but bounce back to normal in April, you may have SAD. (National Institutes of Health, NIH)

SAD is thought to be related to “a chemical imbalance in the brain brought about by lack of sunlight due to winter's shorter days and typically overcast skies," says Dr. Angelos Halaris, chief of the Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences Department at Loyola University Health System.

SAD, which is characterized by depression, exhaustion and lack of interest in people and regular activities, can interfere with a person's outlook on life and ability to function properly. (Dr. Halaris)

Because the symptoms of SAD are triggered by lack of exposure to light, and they tend to go away on their own when available light increases, treatment for SAD often involves increased exposure to light during winter months. (Nemours Foundation)

If at all possible, get outside during the winter, even if it is overcast. Expose your eyes to natural light for one hour each day. At home, open the drapes and blinds to let in natural light (Dr. Halaris)

References

National Institutes of Health (NIH)
Dr. Angelos Halaris, chief of the Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences Department at Loyola University Health System
Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff and Parent's Universal Resource Experts: Teenage Public Displays of Affection by Connect with Kids

“It’s your job to walk into that building and be focused on learning, not focused on your boyfriend. Once school is out, get your homework done and then you can focus on the boyfriend.”

– Paula Bryman, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker

An Illinois 8th-grader is making national news because she received detention after hugging one of her friends in a school hallway. She says it was just an innocent hug goodbye; the school says it was inappropriate physical contact. Are schools protecting our kids or overreacting?

In school hallways, cafeterias and parking lots, students are hugging, kissing and more. Students say they often see public displays of affection.

“I think it’s kind of weird in the middle of the hall. Like get a room, you know?” says Meredith, 15.

However, many students have no problem with it.

“Hugging in between classes, it’s not really a big deal,” says Carla, 16.

“It’s not doing anyone any harm really, I don’t think,” says Jesse, 16.

The problem is, not everyone agrees on what’s harmless and what isn’t.

“You have somebody holding hands and touching inappropriate body parts as they’re walking down the hall. Is that going to offend somebody else? Is that going to make them late for class? Is that going to make them focused on their boyfriend and not their academics?” says Paula Bryman, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker.

To avoid controversy, most schools enforce the rule of no public displays of affection -- period. An innocent kiss with your boyfriend is unacceptable, as Polly found out.

“I’ve gotten in trouble before when teachers told me to cut it out in the hallway or something like that,” says Polly, 17.

Teenagers are exposed to more sexual content than ever in the media, and many don’t agree with the school rules against public displays of affection.

“That’s really none of their business,” says Polly.

“If I got suspended for hugging my girlfriend, that would be ridiculous,” says Andrew, 15.

“Is it silly? Maybe. But you know what? When I go to work I have to follow rules, and I don’t like all my rules. This is sort of part of growing up,” says Bryman.

Bryman adds that parents should help their children understand.

“It’s your job to walk into that building and be focused on learning, not focused on your boyfriend. Once school is out, get your homework done and then you can focus on the boyfriend,” says Bryman.

Tips for Parents

While it is important to talk with children about sex and sexuality, parents are often unsure of how to begin such open communication. Connect with Kids offers DVDs to help start the conversation in a non-threatening manner.

Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation offer these tips for having a positive conversation with your child about sexual relationships and where, how and why to draw limits:
Explore your own attitudes – Studies show that children who feel they can talk with their parents about sex are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior as teens than children who do not feel they can talk with their parents about the subject.

Explore your own feelings about sex.

If you are uncomfortable with the subject, watch DVDs, read books and/or discuss your feelings with a trusted friend, relative, physician or clergy member.

The more you examine the subject, the more confident you’ll feel discussing it.
Start early – Teaching your child about sex demands a gentle, continuous flow of information that should begin as early as possible.

As your child grows, you can continue his or her education by gradually adding more information until he or she understands the subject well.

Take the initiative – If your child hasn’t started asking questions about sex, look for a good opportunity to bring up subject.

Talk about more than the “birds and the bees” – While children need to know the biological facts about sex, they also need to understand that sexual relationships involve caring, concern and responsibility.

By discussing the emotional aspect of a sexual relationship with your child, he or she will be better informed to make decisions later on and to resist peer pressure.
Give accurate, age-appropriate information – Talk about sex in a way that fits the age and stage of your child.

Communicate your values – It’s your responsibility to let your child know your values about sex. Although he or she may not adopt these values as he or she matures, at least your child will be aware of them as he or she struggles to figure out how he or she feels and wants to behave.
Relax – Don’t worry about knowing all of the answers to your child’s questions.

What you know is a lot less important than how you respond.

Convey the message that no subject, including sex, is forbidden in your home.

Teens who have high self-esteem and self-respect make more responsible health choices. As a parent, you can help your teen develop self-respect in the following ways:

(American Medical Association, AMA)

Allow your teen to voice opinions.
Allow your teen to be involved in family decisions.
Listen to your teen’s opinions and feelings.
Help your teen set realistic goals.
Show faith in your teen’s ability to reach those goals.
Give unconditional love.

Whether your child is thinking about having sex or engaging in other risky behaviors, you can take steps to help him or her make an informed decision. By following these tips from the AMA, your child will realize that you want to help:

Allow your teen to describe the problem or situation – Ask how he or she feels about the problem.

Ask questions that avoid “yes” or “no” responses. These usually begin with “how,” “why” or “what.” Really listen to what your teen is saying, instead of thinking about your response. Try to put yourself in your teen’s shoes to understand his or her thoughts.

Talk with your teen about choices – Teens sometimes believe they don’t have choices. Help your teen to see alternatives.

Help your teen to identify and compare the possible consequences of all of the choices – Ask your teen to consider how the results of the decision will affect his or her goals. Explain (without lecturing) the consequences of different choices.

References

American Medical Association
American Sociological Association
Children Now

Sue Scheff: Fashion Bullying by Connect with Kids

“Do you want your child going through school being picked on? I mean, kids get picked on for a number of things, millions of other things, and you want to add on?”

– Marisel Rodriguez, mother

There are lots of ways that kids judge other kids: Are they nice? Are they cute? Are they fun to be with? But there is another way that kids judge others that has nothing to do with who they are, but what they wear. And if this leads to a fashion battle between parent and child, some experts say it’s a battle parents need to lose.

How important is fashion to a teenager?

"I think that people choose their friends, or choose to talk to people at first, by what they wear and what they look like, so I guess it's pretty important," says Annie, 15.

“We all do it subconsciously. We decide who we want to know better by what they’re wearing,” says Kristen, 15.

It may seem superficial, but in a University of Nebraska study of middle school students, more than one-third of the students surveyed said they’ve been bullied for wearing the “wrong” clothes.

"If a person went to school wearing tight skin pants -- a boy for instance -- he'll be made fun of or he'll be talked about, and it will lead to a fight or something,” says Thomas, 15.

Thomas’ mom, Marisel Rodriguez, may not like the style of clothes her son wears, but she doesn’t stop him.

"His whole body fits in these pants," she says, holding up Thomas’ jeans.

"Sometimes I don't think she understands,” says Thomas.

In fact, she does. Rodriguez knows that if she chooses her son’s clothes, she won’t have to live with the consequences at school, Thomas will.

"Do you want your child going through school being picked on? I mean, kids get picked on for a number of things, millions of other things, and you want to add on?" says Rodriguez.

Experts say, within reason and within a budget, parents should let their kids decide what to wear because it’s one way parents can help their children fit in at school.

"Sometimes I'll say things like, ‘if your child broke his leg, would you not give him crutches?’ It's like you need to give a child as many advantages as you can," says Nancy McGarrah, psychologist.

Tips for Parents

Experts say it is extremely important to open the lines of communication with your kids.

Consider the following tips: (Kaiser Family Foundation)

Start early

Initiate conversations

Create an open environment

Communicate your values

Listen to your child

Try to be honest

Be patient

Share your experiences

Also, watch for behavioral changes. Children who are suffering from teasing and bullying may try to hide the hurt. They may become withdrawn from family and friends, lose interest in hobbies or turn to destructive habits such as alcohol, drugs or acts of violence. (Kaiser Family Foundation)

Ask your children whether they have witnessed bullying at school, and what they’ve done if they have seen it. Explain that while it may take courage to report it or tell the bully to stop, it’s the right thing to do. (Bill Modzeleski, U.S. Department of Education)

The bystanders to bullying are the biggest piece. If they set the climate and say, “We’re not going to tolerate this,” they can create a positive change. (Mary Ann Byrne, counselor, Stafford Co., Virginia)

References

Kaiser Family Foundation
U.S. Department of Education
Stop Bullying Now (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

Sue Scheff: Binge Eating by Connect with Kids

“Sandwiches, cookies, candy bars -- I have no idea how many candy bars. Just everything I could get my hands on, and I’d just continuously eat until I went to bed.”
– Matt Wymer, 18

Anorexia and bulimia are the names that come to mind when we think of eating disorders. But there is another eating disorder more common than anorexia and bulimia combined, and some experts say it’s becoming a major health problem in America.

“As soon as I came home I’d throw down my backpack and just automatically start going through the refrigerator and cabinets and start eating. Sandwiches, cookies, candy bars -- I have no idea how many candy bars. Just everything I could get my hands on, and I’d just continuously eat until I went to bed,” says Matt Wymer, 18.

Matt was a binge eater. According to a new study from Harvard Medical School, 3.5 percent of women and 2 percent of men suffer from this eating disorder.

While these are small percentages, they translate into millions of people. Experts say that binging is a condition that often starts in childhood.

“You know we start at a very young age… you fall and scrape your knee [and someone says], ‘Oh, here, we’ll go get some ice cream, that’ll make it feel better.’ Or you go to the doctor, you get a lollypop; something bad happens, ‘Oh, here’s something that’s comforting,’” says Marilyn Tanner, R.D., pediatric dietician.

Matt looked for comfort because he was constantly teased about his weight.

“There’d be days when I’d come and pick him up from school and he’d get in the car and he’d start crying before I asked him anything,” says Cathy Wymer, Matt’s mother.

“I probably gave him whatever he wanted to try to make him happy, but it was the wrong way of doing it,” says Vernon Wymer, Matt’s father.

“I just felt better after I ate a lot,” says Matt.

Experts say the first line of treatment for binge eaters is to help them find other ways, besides food, to feel better.

“There are about five basic ways … that it just kind of boils down to. You write, you talk, you cry, you exercise, you laugh. Laughing also reduces the stress that lots of times people are feeling,” says Genie Burnett, Psy.D., clinical psychologist.

With the help of his doctor, Matt started a diet and a daily workout. He’s lost more than 150 pounds, he’s healthier and he says he’s more confident.

“I guess you’d say I’m happier than I used to be,” says Matt.

Tips for Parents

Most people don’t even recognize they are engaging in emotional eating until they’ve gained a lot of weight. Parents should learn to recognize the warning signs – being overweight, having a history of weight fluctuations, eating alone, hoarding food, eating rapidly, eating until uncomfortably full, and having feelings of guilt or depression after eating. (The American Dietetic Association)

Experts say encouraging kids to express their feelings can lower a child’s need to binge. Have younger kids draw pictures of how they are feeling. Afterward, discuss the drawings. (The American Dietetic Association)

When older children feel the need to binge, distractions may help. Find other things to do such as walking, riding a bike or playing with the dog. (The American Dietetic Association)

Keep the kitchen stocked with plenty of fruits and vegetables. If children feel like binging, encourage them to have a small, healthy snack instead. (The American Dietetic Association)

References

The American Dietetic Association

Parent's Universal Resource Experts: Alcohol and Rape by Connect with Kids

“If we drink too much then we don’t pay attention to as many things in our environment.”

– Corinne McNamara, rape crisis specialist

GHB, “roofies,” Ketamine – all are known as “date rape” drugs. But experts say there is another drug that is easier to get, less expensive, and accounts for more than 65 percent of all date rapes.

Drinking may be a part of Erin’s college experience, but she says she knows her limits.

“I know that when I go out to party my goal is not to go out and get drunk, it’s just to have a good time,” says Erin, 18.

Still, her mom is afraid.

“What I worry is, she’s lost control and she’s at the mercy of whoever she happens to be with,” says Terry Dillard, Erin’s mother.

Alcohol is the real date rape drug. According to a study from the University of Ulster in Ireland, alcohol is involved in more than 65 percent of date rapes. Many experts say the problem is the same in the United States.

“If we drink too much then we don’t pay attention to as many things in our environment,” says Corinne McNamara, rape crisis specialist.

McNamara says that parents should teach their daughters that drinking could compromise their safety.

“Although it’s not your fault if something bad happens to you -- for example, if you are raped it’s not your fault – [but] these are some of the things you can do to avoid dangerous situations,” says McNamara.

First, she says, don’t drink underage. It’s dangerous and against the law. Second, if you do drink, bring along a friend who won’t leave your side.

“I think that’s a great idea to have a friend with you on the side who’s sort of like ‘you need to stop now’ or ‘we need to go back to the dorm now,’” says Erin.

Experts add that kids also need to pay attention to their intuition.

“Listen to that voice in the back of your mind that says ‘this is an awkward situation, I need to leave now’,” says Corinne.

Erin knows the risk of sexual assault is real, but she says she won’t be paralyzed by fear.

“I want to be careful with what I do, but I don’t want to go out there and just stay away from everything, keep myself locked up in my room, not be a part of things because I’m scared something bad might happen to me,” says Erin.

Tips for Parents

Make sure your children know the basic facts about drinking:

it slows reflexes, distorts vision, reduces coordination, can cause memory lapses and even blackouts; it can lead to poor judgment and lowered inhibitions – which can lead to risky behaviors like driving while drunk and unprotected sex; that drinking large quantities of alcohol at one time or very rapidly can cause potentially fatal alcohol poisoning; and that it’s illegal to possess or obtain alcohol under the age of 21.

(U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)

Avoid secluded places (this may even mean your room or your partner's room) until you trust your partner. (Nemours Foundation)

Don't spend time alone with someone who makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable. This means following your instincts and removing yourself from situations that you don't feel good about. (Nemours Foundation)

Stay sober and aware. If you're with someone you don't know very well, be aware of what's going on around you and try to stay in control. Also, if you are a male, be aware of your date's ability to consent to sexual activity; you may become guilty of committing rape if the other person is not in a condition to respond or react. (Nemours Foundation)

If you're injured, go straight to the emergency room -- most medical centers and hospital emergency departments have doctors and counselors who have been trained to take care of someone who has been raped. (Nemours Foundation)

References
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Human Services Administration (SAMHSA)
Nemours Foundation

Suicide Rate Highest for Teens Girls by Connect with Kids

“One of the worst things [parents] can do is say it’s just a phase and they’ll grow out of it, because the depression will get deeper and deeper. The problems will become greater and greater as you let time go on.”

– Rudy Kalain, adolescent drug treatment counselor

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has reported an alarming new statistic about teen suicide. For the first time in decades, the suicide rate for teenagers is going up. There is one group of kids more vulnerable than any other.

Thirteen-year old Leanna knows how it feels to be depressed.

“I think it’s when a lot of stress and a lot of sadness and all this kind of stuff builds up, where it just affects your emotions and you don’t want to do anything,” says Leanna.

For a long time, Leanna suffered silently.

“I think once you have depression, it’s hard to kind of get rid of, but you can make it so unnoticeable,” says Leanna.

Depression is the leading cause of suicide, experts say, and, according to the CDC, the suicide rate is rising fastest among 10- to 14-year-old girls -- up 76 percent from 2003 to 2004.

“It’s interesting, because in childhood, depression is about equal between girls and boys. When you get to adolescence, girls are more at risk for developing depression than boys,” says Dr. Sharon Y. Jones, psychiatrist.

Experts say girls are especially vulnerable in the middle school years.

“You know sometimes the person you were best friends with all through elementary school just becomes more mature and they’re not your friend anymore and that can be traumatic. The hormones are changing and they’re growing up. They want to be thought of as teenagers and yet sometimes they’re really little kids at heart,” says Gay Madden, counselor.

Experts say if you sense your child is sad, tired, hopeless, and/or no longer interested in activities, it could be clinical depression.

“If the parent has a gut feeling that the person is depressed, I would say go with that feeling and get professional help,” says Rudy Kalain, adolescent drug treatment counselor.

“One of the worst things [parents] can do is say, it’s just a phase and they’ll grow out of it, because the depression will get deeper and deeper. The problems will become greater and greater as you let time go on,” says Kalain.

Leanna is in counseling now and says it’s making a difference.

“I mean there’s always hope; if you ever give up on that, it’s probably going to be a really sad life,” says Leanna.

Tips for Parents

A teenager who is contemplating suicide may complain of being a bad person or feeling “rotten inside.” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry)

Some teens will give verbal hints with statements such as “I won’t be a problem for you much longer,” “Nothing matters,” “It’s no use,” and “I won’t see you again.” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry)

A teen contemplating suicide may put his/her affairs in order by giving away favorite possessions, cleaning his/her room or throwing away important belongings. Others may become suddenly cheerful after a period of depression or show signs of psychosis. (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry)

If you believe your child may be thinking about suicide, ask the child directly or seek professional help. People often feel uncomfortable talking about death, but asking a child if he/she is depressed or thinking about suicide can be helpful. Such questions may assure the child that someone cares and will give him/her the chance to talk about problems. Talking can lead to healing. (Dr. Paul Schenk, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist)

If your child admits to suicidal feelings, don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you. Be willing to listen. Allow for the expression of your child’s thoughts and accept that the child may very well feel that way. (American Association of Suicidology)

Don’t be judgmental, or debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or lecture on the value of life. Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance. (American Association of Suicidology)

Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support and seek help. Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention. (American Association of Suicidology)

References

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
The Centers For Disease Control and Prevention
American Association of Suicidology